((((((MEGAN)))))

Welcome! I feel unfixable a lot too! My t says there is always hope and that's what keeps me going. So I am going To tell you the same thing: theres always hope. Ive been in therapy for four years and have had lots of stressors over the past 6 years in addition To whatever was there before. I'm starting To feel better so I hope you hang in there. A year is not that long.

Liese

Hi Megan and welcome.

You seem to be dealing with a lot of issues and one year of therapy is barely scratching the surface of where you need to go. I see no reason why you cannot improve if you are willing to work hard in therapy and follow the advice of your T and P if you have one. I imagine if you are bi-polar you need to take medication and probably work with a p-doc.

I know it can at times be discouraging and I fight that hopeless feeling all the time. My T says it's a matter of trusting the process. He also feels that it will take at least 3 years for us to just get to know each other and he has patients for close to ten years or better. He does not terminate and leaves it to the patient to decide when therapy is done. I have been with him a little over a year but I was with another T for 3 years who abandoned and traumatized me and I am now with my current T because of that.

Megan, there is always hope and with talk therapy and medications many people with your dx have gone on to lead full lives. Have you asked your T what she thinks your prognosis is? If it's a topic that worries you then bring it into therapy and talk about it.

I look forward to hearing more about your therapy.

TN

Thanks for your encouragement. I suppose I am just at that stage where I am tired and giving up seems so much easier.

All the t say the same - trusting the process etc and that it will take many years.. I don't know if I have that much fight left in me.

I have a close bond with my t and that's even more frustrating, cause it will just lead to more disapointments in the end, like always. I've been hiding away from the world for 6 months now and it's sad to see what it's doing to my family. Each day is a struggle just to breath....

Megan

HI Megan and welcome.

I too have BPD and I too have been unceremoniously terminated by a T like True North has. Mine happened 3 months ago and it is very raw.

At times I get so frustrated with that "process" that every talks about and everyone says to trust. But I am realy pleased to say that I am beginning to see what they are going on about. I have been to this T various times over the past 15 years and she is no stranger to me, in fact we had outside contact and worked together. We have mutual aquaintances and we acknowledge that outside life and relationship. It strengthens what we have. I think that is now helping me to move forward in my journey at a quicker rate. I am so lucky. It does mean though that the ruptures we have hurt deeply.

I have been researching The process and attachment theory, styles, trauma, DBT etc - a lot over the past months.Having the close relationship with my T means that I can talk about the nitty gritties with her at a deep level and I am understanding so much more instead of fighting it. I am still not firmly attached - but getting there. She just keeps telling me to trust her, trust us, trust the relationship and trust the process and not to put pressure on myself.

I am expecting to see my T for the next year for weekly appointments and then maybe another year ?? with appts spaced further out. I say this so I give myself a lot of time and not to pressure on myself.