Thanks Monte!!

I... don't know if I can keep things concise... I tend to ramble on to make points and go meandering off in to something related, but unrelated..

It's super brave of you to do that at the start of most sessions - I'm glad to hear in a way you also feel it's disconnecting... it helps me feel like my feeling disconnected isn't inherently wrong.

My T will sit beside me too, but I don't know if I could allow her to while I was reading something. I think it may be a left brain thing. I like how you said that your T absorbs better actually reading it. My T is very visual... so I'm not sure how she would take it in best

I know the reading it out loud is obviously super different from him reading it... have you noticed any changes in the way things are processed after that? Is it a bit different because you approach the material differently? Are there advantages/disadvantages? I did have my T read something I left a few weeks ago - I wish I hadn't, because I can't address it. It was a page of creative prose... about 5 different ones. They are all figurative so I have to explain what they are about. Ugh.... worse than death, I swear! I couldn't read them to her though.

On what I wrote I have... 10 major issues. Thank you for suggesting just a couple... I tend to go traipsing in to session thinking I'll get 20 things done when I can only emotionally and effectively do 1 or 2. Damn therapy!!

Often when I bring in things I've written I ask T to read them out loud to me. Hearing my words in her voice is in a way emotionally recontextualizing. It also has had the effect of opening things up conversationally. Some things are difficult for me to say out loud, but once T "says" them, they are already out in the room, and it facilitates exploring more freely, at least for me.

I love being read to and T has a great reading voice (very gentle and soothing, delicately expressive, sensitive to emotional nuance in writing) so those are additional reasons this works for me. Sometimes I've brought in things for her to read/us to discuss that I *haven't* written-- usually poems that I'm connecting with powerfully at the time. That helps too, or is at least a way towards cultivating closeness and shared experience.

Sometimes I've been the one to read, and that works okay too, but with difficult material I prefer T to go first.

With former T some years back I did use writing as a tool for discussion. I would take themes that seemed to be coming up for me - and then write about them. So, there was a big piece on trust for example. At first I could not read anything I wrote but eventually when I began to feel more comfortable, I was persuaded to try. I felt very uncomfortable hearing my own voice. My written voice feels very different to me - and I hate how it comes out when I read my own words out.

With this T I have tried to keep a journal of sessions; things I need to work out, bits of learning. I have not used writing in the same way. I have tried to be less worried about what it looks like. I am aware that with former T I began to write not just for me but to feel good about the recognition and validation I got from him about the quality of writing. Measuring my worth by "achievement" is a big button for me, as is getting external approval. So, this time I am trying to be more natural about it, and write it for me and no one else.

I have massive problems with self-censorship. I don't know whether it is fear of other people reading it, or the fact that writing it down makes it real. I still have to fight to write about actual events or people unless they are cloaked in fuzzy anonymity! Feelings I have no problem with.

With current T I did try to bring some of what I wrote to a session fairly early on in our relationship. I did not enjoy having to read it out and have not attempted to since!

Cat, I think I get what you mean about not being able to be attuned while you are reading something out. I have felt that too - like I am communicating at my T. I think it's because feeling attuned to someone generally requires cues from them - either they nod, or say "uh huh" reflect back or ask questions about what you're saying. It's hard to be receptive to someone's cues when you're reading something off a page. When it has worked well, I have found that the feeling attuned tends to come afterwards, through talking about the piece of writing.

I agree that writing is a good tool. I think therapists should be open to it, especially since while enduring childhoods like many of us had we held our feelings, thoughts inside and sometimes writing is a way to get those things out easier, at least it is for me. My therapist typically allows me to write it out, but with the understanding that if I want to talk about it then I need to bring it with me to therapy. I feel like my writing helps to congeal the fragmented ideas I bring to therapy. Sometimes I have difficulty expressing things verbally, so writing is very useful.

I have read things, which is SO much harder than having her read it. I think watching her read something is a little nerve wracking, too, because I try to look at her face and see what she is feeling.

I wanted to say I read everyone's replies and appreciate them so much. Um... I brought up stuff w/o writing, and it was imperfect and... not what I wanted to say and..... awful but good but... not. I was too triggered to come back to this yesterday and I still am today but didn't want to have my appreciation go unsaid! I'll reply more tomorrow.

I think those of you that have brought writing in are so brave (everyone here is brave).

Couldn't do therapy without writing. I find it too hard to talk and so if I talk I end up leaving at least 80 % of what I really want to say out. Can't really see the point of that. So writing works for me.

B2W