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4 replies

But I pay T to show up...

dpbluseedpbluseeMember
I'm guessing others have posted about this but I wasn't sure how to search for it.

I know that my relationship is "real" albeit limited but there are times I can't help thinking it wouldn't translate in the real world because I pay him to show up to be with me. I often think, in the real world, people have a choice to be with me or not and if they saw the parts of me they didn't like they could stop being with me or being my friend. T can't because it is his job to show up no matter what I do. It makes me think sometimes that if he doesn't like the "not so nice" parts of me he wouldn't actually say it anyway. I often wonder what is going on inside his head. It makes me wonder if he is thinking "Wow, that is a behavior or thought of hers that I don't like and in the real world it would make me not want to spend time with her but I have to here." So, if that were true, how can I apply the relationship I have in therapy to real world relationships? BTW, I know therapy works because I do feel better about myself and know that I deserve to be loved and can be loved but this is just one conundrum I have always wondered about. I have often thought that if my T and I met in the outside world he wouldn't have anything to do with me because I am "such a mess"! Roll Eyes So why would others?

I know I should probably talk to my T about it but I thought I would ask others here if they had thought the same thing or have ever asked their T about this?

Thanks!
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True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
Hi DBS...this has been at topic for me in therapy. First of all, your T does not have to keep seeing you because you pay him. My oldT certainly did not and I paid him very well and was a good patient. Your T stays because he is committed to helping you and he likes you. My current T once told me that my "hour" is easily replaceable. He can always replace my money that I pay him but he could never replace ME and our unique relationship which means a lot to him.

That answer was comforting to me and I never felt the need to talk about it again.

TN
dpbluseedpbluseeMember
Hi everyone,

Thanks for your responses. I am not questioning whether my T cares about me or wants to see me. I know that he does. I guess I was wondering how this then translates to the real world because I know it's supposed to?

He puts up with my stuff because it is his job. People in the real world don't have to. If I were to offend them or hurt them they could just stop being my friend or whatever but T won't.

Cat: I agree that this is like a parent/child relationship in that we ultimately love our children but may not always like what they do. I have often thought that if I had had parenting like this I would have internalized a sense of self-worth and would not need therapy and I guess that is what T helping me to see.

Sometimes I think this is one of those concepts that is hard to explain why it works but it just does.

Thanks everyone for helping me sort through this.

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