BW,
First, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, its tough enough getting through when you have support but hang in, it won't always be like this.

I know calling was a HUGE issue for me. I made exactly one emergency call to my first T who I saw off and on for over 17 years, but my current T has been really encouraging about me calling in between sessions if I need to because we're working with such strong attachment issues. Specifically, I learned that when I feel really needy NOT to go towards anyone, its too dangerous. But a healthy response in a human being is actually to move toward connection, so my T encourages me to call him so I can change my behavior when I feel needy (going towards instead of away) and experience going towards as a good thing. Each time it happens, the experience re-wires a little tiny bit of my brain until eventually, I think and hope, the feeling of danger will go away. I know its gotten better than it was. Pretty much a week doesn't go by that I don't call him at least once between sessions. But it was incredibly difficult in the beginning because it was so scary, and uncomfortable. And frankly, I felt like a wus for needing to call. So, one reason you might be feeling so much turmoil over calling is that its kicking up stuff for you, some of which is possibly pre-verbal which makes it kind of hard to express. So it could really help if you call.

Hope this helps! But one more thing, I realize that just because its that way for me doesn't mean its the same for you so you may decide not to call. In which case, I don't want this post to cause any pressure.

AG

I agree with AG, also... we are here to help you! On Im or just on this forum. Remember that...

Robin

thanks AG and Robin

I didnt call because I just couldn't...

I think I feel burned a little with my therapist b/c she encouraged me to call and all that crap and than in the end, she didn't do like she did at first and it's not like i called alot. It's ultimately the final straw that broke the camel's back was her not calling me back when I was feeling in a crisis mode..

so i figure... a) i dont really know my p-doc that well, b)she's leaving in June anyways C) she might not call me back and even if she does... I just felt like i couldnt deal with it.

A friend invited me over.. they have a kitty!! But i ended up canceling in the end because im lame and I hadn't slept for like 30 hours or more and was incredibly tired so I didn't go.

bleh

When you put it that way, I can see why you didn't call. Glad you're posting though! And getting some rest.

lol.... could be faulty reasoning though.... LOL...

Im just doing my usual way of coping.. avoidance and submerssion... lol..... I feel somewhat better when I ignore and not think too much....

I had a dream last night abotu Holly... my old therapist I liked a lot.. it was really kinda amusing and weird. I think its cause I was thinking of some things she would tell me in therapy in terms of dealing with various challenges and than i fell asleep so it got in my dreams... ha..