Hello Turtle welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry you're in pain and I'm not sure what to say about calling T. As you've only seen her twice it's difficult to predict her reaction I suppose, but equally you might take the risk and get all the prickly stuff surrounding out of session contact sorted as early as possible.

Sounds like you've had bad experiences with Ts in the past so I don't blame you for trying to avoid it with a new one. Perhaps you could hold on until your next session and discuss it with her then, that might give you a better idea of how she's likely to react to your calling in a non-emergency situation. Though who is to determine whether something is an emergency or not?

I hope you are hanging in there

LL

turtle,

Sorry to hear you`re in so great pain. Hopefully your new Therapist is going to help you with that.
I never call my T between sessions either, (only some texting). You`re the best one to decide whether or not calling your new T would be at any help for you... at least you know you have the oportunity, and maybe that itself helps a little. But hence to your negative experiences with calling in the past, i assume your decition not to call, is a good one, after all.
Take care!

hi turtle,
i'm sorry to hear you're in a lot of pain, but hopefully therapy will help (although as you probably know it might get worse as well before it gets better, but in my experience it does give you some relief and most of all hope)

i dont have much advice about the calling, its a really touchy subject for me too. i do think its good that she has offered it, its good to know you can if you need to, at least takes away that uncertainty (slightly). hard subjects like this are good material to talk about in therapy. and i also think its good that you know more about the 'rules' or limitations to what she offered and tell her what you would need, and its easier to talk about those things before you get too invested. anyway, i'm a hipocrite... i barely managed to talk about it once and ask her if i she accepts calls (she didn;t offer, i had to ask and i still hate her for it )

keep us posted to how your new therapy goes - if and when you want to share.

puppet

Hi Turtle, Welcome!

I can empathize with you - when I first started seeing T, I would NEVER call. I wouldn't let myself. Eventually though I had a big meltdown one weekend and was desperate to talk to T, but wouldn't call. Instead it all spilled out when I saw T that week. At that point, T asked why I didn't call, and I told T that I wouldn't call, I didn't want to be that needy.

Ts response stuck with me: "Would you rather be miserable and hurt yourself, or leave me a message and we'll see what we can do?" From that point forward, I now DO call T whenever I am feeling myself start to head into a danger zone, or even when I have a question, or want to make sure to bring something up in session, I'll leave a message. The rule T and I have in place is that if I want a return call, I must ask for it, otherwise, I am free to leave messages whenever I would like to - emergency or not.

That rule keeps me safe, I think, because I know that if I truly were desperate, I'd ask for a call back. T and I both know this. We also established that if I end up leaving more than one message in one day, then T needs to check in with me. That's happened 3 times in the nearly 2 years we've been working together, so it doesn't happen often. My suggestion would be to discuss it with T, and see what the two of you come up with?

Hope this helps, and we're here to listen/support however we can!

((Turtle)) I never call my t unless I'm in a dire place. I can't. I always felt that if you depend on someone you get hurt - doesn't matter who it is - it just happens. I tend to stay away.

Aahhh Smiley - So true. Learned that lesson a little too late.

now i do relate to what smiley and kmay say. its true enough people always say keep after so and so keep talking to so and so and then the day comes when so and so appeares to have moved ... to Greenland or some place.
as for calls between sessions, for me its only when i need to rebook a session or something like that. if its very important to me i may call inbetween but only with reluctance

Hi

Thanks for all the replies. I am so sorry I didn't respond until now. I had trouble signing in. I thought I used a different email address than I actually did use. Well I did call my new T and I guess I overwhelmed her. I normally am not this needy but so much has happened lately that I feel like i am falling apart. She got kind of icy with me and I can understand that. We talked about it and I told her that I wholeheartedly agreed that I had contacted her too much. It's more complicated than I have written here but you get the idea. I normally try to not call my T but starting out new and being in such a desparate place has been overwhelming to me too. She kept asking diagnostic questions when all I wanted to do was get to talking. Plus I had lost my insurance card but still had the number and she was sort of not nice about that. She even apologized later without me even saying anything. All and all we had a bad start. I am trying to decide whether to keep going to her and trying to make it work or just move on. The reason I want to stay with her is because I want to do EMDR and she's one of the few female therapists who does it who takes my insurance. My goodness therapy is so hard.

SMiley I like your response. You are very wise. I think I will remember what you said. Because I did call the new T rather desparate and I did end up feeling quite hurt by her response. SO you are right. Truth is i could have waited to calm down and find some way to help myself. That is what I will do in the future.

Smiley I agree, sadly that's been my motto in life, not to ask for help in case it doesn't come and try to manage myself. I cannot see myself ever calling T, I have in the past but I found it awkward and felt far too needy so any good from calling her was undone. I would email first if I really needed to, however I know that others here do have phone contact with their Ts and find it helpful.

starfishy

That's been my experience too Starfishy. I was just in an extraordinarily bad place. I can't even explain how bad. Both my parents died, my dog died my best friend moved, I lost my job. I am so effing lonely. I don't know how I get out of bed every day. I feel like I am going to crack into pieces.

(((turtle)))

((( turtle ))) that's a LOT of loss! i think most people would feel like they were about to crack into pieces with that amount of pain. i'm so sorry for your losses. from what i know, it sounds like you were appropriate in calling your T, so please be gentle with yourself. take care!

Turtle, I know where you are coming from, I too have experienced recent losses.

Take care

(((turtle)))
i'm so sorry for your losses, it must be so overwhelming for you right now and i am sorry you feel so alone now when you would need the support and kindness of others. i am also so sorry (and angry) at your T for her 'icy' response!

maybe they should just not offer calls if they can't handle it! (sorry, thats a bit of my own stuff here as well...)

you don't have to be so alone with all this, please know you can always come here!



puppet