Hum, not my particular problem. I was afraid that I was wasting my therapist's time and resources that could be better applied to more worthy people.

The hour that you are with your therapist is "yours" and not anyone else's. Do you feel like your therapist isn't there with you during this time? Is there something that your T has done or said that makes you think you are just another patient?

I'll tell you right now that participating in this forum indicates that you are more interested in therapy and making it work then the vast majority of people who are in therapy. Caring about your therapy makes you a "good" and "special" client as far as I'm concerned. (For whatever that's worth.)

Hi HBS

I don't think I've chatted with you before. Welcome
This is just my opinion, so take it as you will

Sounds like you are hurting because you don't feel special to your T (you might be and just don't know it!). I know what you mean because I don't feel special to my P either (I might be, but I don't feel it all the time. God knows we argue like mother-daughter sometimes so maybe we have a like/hate relationship).
But that said ... technically they aren't there to like you, heck they don't even have to like you to treat you. They are there to do a job, to help you get through an issue and to teach you better ways of handling yourself in regards to those issues. In the end I think it's maybe better to not have that 'special' client relationship because it doesn't get in the way of doing your work, getting through your stuff and moving on. You see the people that have those special relationships .. they are addicted to the T or P and stay in therapy much longer than they would have needed otherwise!

Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh, and that I wasn't much help You could try talking to your T about your thoughts and feelings where this is concerned .. and see what avenue it takes you down.

Good luck!

Holz

HB,

I absolutely had this feeling. I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm not sure what your family was like growing up, but I was the 5th of 5 girls, and a twin. I always felt like I was trying to be special, and wasn't quite cutting it, like there was nothing to differentiate me from the other girls, no matter what I did.

I felt similar about therapy for a long time. I longed to be different than the other clients that she sees. I wanted to be special to her in some way.

Over time, I have learned that I am special to her. I actually told her once that I wanted to be special to her, and she told me that I am. I asked in what way, and she answered this too. I took it in, and her treatment of me in, and now I know that I am special to her. It has helped me to let go of and work through a lot of things.

I guess my point is that I get what you're saying. Have you thought about talking to your T about it?

catgirl

Hi HBS, I definitely have had the feelings you described and still do....I want to be special to my T, I want her to love me and I often think that if I was my twin brother(or looked like him and acted like him) that she would love me...sigh...I am sooo hungry to be special to her...so...yeah...I get it....BTW--how do you believe your T feels about you? mlc

Dear Holtz, I agree with your comment about feeling you are "special" to your T. I also think this attachment prolongs therapy past the time when the client would normally be moving on. T's maintain boundries for a reason. Mine did not. I have changed T, due to her retirement, and now need a new T to help with my attachment! Luna

I just wanted to pop back in and say ...

Hi Luna .. Welcome to the forum

HBS .. it sounds like you got some pretty good insight here, I hope that some of it is of use to you.

Holz (aka HollyBaby0)

I want to be special and unique too. But it's not just with my therapist, it's with many many people. I don't think I ever felt special to anyone as I was growing up, so I really crave that.

I did struggle a lot wondering if I mattered to my son's former T (who I experienced transference or attachment with). She told me a few times that I was different than the other parents she dealt with, that she enjoyed talking to me, and other things that made me believe I really was special. I still wonder about these things and I haven't seen her in therapy for more than 6 months. My current T says that my feelings will fade in time, but I'm not so sure.

I don't think this attachment was all bad, I think it opened up an avenue to help me explore some of the issues I wasn't really facing. I feel like maybe I can be more completely healed this time as opposed to my other two times in therapy where this didn't come up.

OW

I hear a lot of people saying it is better if you don't feel special. I hear you.

I am extremely insecure and I feel like I can't compete with the therapist's other clients - ie my issues aren't severe or tragic enough to make her care about me. I worry about just being another "dollar" to pay the mortgage, rather than someone that matters. And because I am so insecure, I can't open up to the therapist because I am not sure she really cares (....and if you don't care, then you aren't ...worthy...I guess of hearing my thoughts). I have trust issues and I don't want to trust you if you aren't going to care and are just going to toss me to the curb. That was why I used the term "special".

And yes, I worry about becoming too attached and dependent - not because therapy will go on for longer - but because I will get hurt when the therapist leaves me (because...."everyone always leaves" and I get hurt - so I don't let people in...yes, yes...I know I have "issues" )

So do I feel special to her? I have that poor woman working so hard - I keep pushing her away and testing her and retreating every time I do move forward. I am surprised she hasn't given up on me - I have given her every opportunity and reason to do so. She is having to work so incredibly hard to earn my trust. So I think *she* is special to not have given up on me. And yeah, I guess she thinks I'm special...in a "determined not to give up on this challenge" and "I'm going to succeed with this one if it kills me" sort of way.

Of course, that being said, I still don't completely trust her ...but I'm working on it.

Thanks for all the replies - I find all the posts on this site fascinating.

Dear Summer, Thanks for your reply---especially that you said you must accept and grieve. I don't talk too much about my attachment to my former T, because I feel there is nothing to be done but get over it. Besides, 10 days after termination, my son died, so I have been caught up in dealing with that (doing pretty well) The better I feel, though, the more I miss my former T. My relationship with the new T is good, but I fear I will just transfer to her...what a bind! Luna

Hi HBS, sounds like you have a lot of insight about your insecurities which is a great start to beating them!

When I was reading your post I kind of feel like you answered your own question in there without even knowing it. You MUST be special to your T for her to stick with you. She sees things in you you probably don't see in yourself. And she is working really hard to help you. You don't try so hard for someone you don't care about. She'd just let you push her away and forget it/you. If you were just a way of paying the mortgage don't you think she'd find someone "easier" to pay it!!!!! Even if you were a "challenge" for her, there's no way she'd stick it out if she didn't think you were worth it.

There's all different ways of being special. It definitely sounds like you are...

Have you talked to your T about finding it hard to trust her?

LTF