(((Anon))) I relate so much to how you feel, as I'm grappling with the same feelings. It's unbearable...I wish I knew a better way to deal with it. One thing I did last night when I thought unjust couldn't stand it anymore is make myself think of one thing that would make me feel even remotely better. It helped momentarily, at least.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I wish I could do something to help. Just keep posting and letting us know how you're doing.

Thinking of you.

Anon,

You are so loved here. Just wanted you to know that I am hoping you found some inner peace this weekend, and that I am thinking of you.

(((Unbroken)))

Thanks so much. This is one of those things, if I let myself think about it, I'm drowning in it. So, I am just not letting myself stray there much outside of therapy. If I even think about my to do list and try to let myself rest (the last three weeks have been hell with family illness and planning an event), I start sinking under the shame of not deserving to exist. But, if I go around those thoughts, as much as possible, I seem to do OK. Or, if I "earn" my existence by pummeling myself into efficiency, I seem to do OK too. I am ashamed to acknowledge the difficulty of just normal life stuff right now. I want to be better.

I understand your feelings. I pray that we all find inner peace one day because we've struggled so much in our lives thus far that I believe that we all deserve some sort of reprieve.

You do so much, Anon. You deserve to exist just as much as the rest of us here in the world. I know it's sometimes hard to believe that. I, too, find myself questioning how much of something I deserve. I also have been known to distract myself by getting things done, or as you said "pummeling myself into efficiency."

I think you are wise to know your limits, as far as allowing yourself to feel in session and distracting at other times. As long as you give yourself permission to feel in the presence of T, I believe that you will be okay. It's when you start not allowing yourself to feel at all when it becomes a problem.

Thinking about you...