Skip to main content

The PsychCafe
Share, connect, and learn.
8 replies

Change of Avatar

True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
When I first joined this board back in 2008 I didn't have an Avatar for a long while. Then in December of 2008 after a year of being in therapy with my oldT I chose the handshake avatar from the selection offered to the Board. At that time we couldn't import our own choice. I chose this handshake avatar because at Christmas time in 2008 I took the risk to offer my hand to my oldT for our first handshake. We had never touched at all for the entire first year of therapy.

This Avatar became very symbolic for me and is closely associated with oldT. Seven months after that handshake, oldT initiated a hug with me. And going forward we either shook hands or I could ask for a hug and at times we would high five. But that first handshake was special because I finally was able to touch him and to believe that he was really real. That he really existed and he was my T.

That relationship is over now. I can't ever see him again or touch him again. He shook my hand again at the end of our final session last month. It hurts to look at this avatar and it keeps me grieving the past. It's really hard to let it go but I don't think I have a choice any longer. He is gone forever.

I have a new T now and he is truly my light. I need to try to focus on getting well and the future. I need to understand that things are different now. Not worse, just different. I am very fortunate to have a good, caring T who says he likes me. His light has kept me safe this past year and his light is the beacon I need when the sea gets too rough or I'm lost in a storm. He is always there, steady and strong lighting my way back to shore.

And so I have decided on a new avatar.

Thanks for letting me ramble.
TN
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

blackbirdblackbirdMember
Wow- TN, I know how hard that must have been to let go. ((((((TN)))))) I still can't bring myself to call my T my old T yet. I'm getting there, but- I haven't reached full acceptance of the situation yet- so I can appreciate what a big milestone this is for you. I'm really proud of you!

Your new avatar is beautiful.

Love,

BB
sdsdMember
Hey TN - thanks heaps for that post. Your choice of new avatar is totally fitting with this T and I love it. Thanks also - because you talking about handshaking and hugging your Old T triggered a nice memory for me.

When I was reading your sentence - I had a flashback and body memory of my last session with young T and my very last words to her - where I said to her "I am going to hug you" and we hugged tightly and she didn't let go. I said to her through my tears "thankyou". I haven't spoken to her since. I can still feel that hug.

I had a tough day today with triggering things about YoungT that have affected me so it is nice to remember this.
nobledaughternobledaughterMember
TN
I love your new avatar and the sentiment. I have no doubt that you are a light for so many as well. Good job with changing the avatar. It sounds like when I unfriendes the T that abandoned me and deleted him
From my contacts. It is a very symbolic step that you have done from within- from you internal locus of control. I relate so much to what you have been through and I know things will continue to prove. Lots
Of love - noble daughter
True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
Thanks DF and Jane for the kinds words about my new avatar.

Beebs...it WAS really hard to let go of my old Avatar. It was such a special moment for me with my oldT. I can still remember how after I shook his hand my feet did not touch ground for days. So yes, this was a real milestone for me but I need to try to walk towards the future, even if it's with a tiny baby step.

Hi Morgs... I did want something relevant if I found the courage to change it and what better than something that symbolizes my relationship with my new T.

Hi incognito... I hope you are doing okay. How nice that you would think of my T and his light when you see my avatar. I think your T shines brightly as well, you just have to be open to seeing it and accepting it. I know it's hard. I'm still working on it.

SD... how wonderful that I could remind you of a happy moment that you shared with youngT. I know the struggle and the yearning to contact them and it's a hard fight to fight. Hang in there and remember the good stuff.

ND...thank you for saying I could be a light for others. I do hope so. Your deletion of the T that abandoned you was a big step too. It comes from an inner strength and the will to move towards life and new beginnings. I have my ups and downs as you probably read about on here but I am truly blessed with having a great (and smart) T who is always there for me.

I told him today at the end of our session about changing my avatar. I did not describe the old and new avatars because I needed more time to explain it and I also did not want him to know what I chose for my new avatar because I bought him a crystal lighthouse to give him at the end of this month to mark our one year anniversary. I will tell him then. I only told him that I chose something that I felt was symbolic of "us" of our relationship. He smiled and guessed that it was a pen! He gave me his pen that he always uses as a way to stay connected and to represent the attachment. I said no and he would have to wait till the end of the month. He said "okay, fair enough" but he was also very happy and pleased to hear that I was able to do this and he thanked me for sharing that with him.

I'll post more about my session on my other thread about anger.

TN

Add Reply

Post

Membership Required

We're sorry. You must be signed in to continue. Sign In or Register
×
Are you sure you want to remove from your Block List?
×
Loading...
×
When you block a person, they can no longer invite you to a private message or post to your profile wall. Replies and comments they make will be collapsed/hidden by default. Finally, you'll never receive email notifications about content they create or likes they designate for your content.
Note: if you proceed, you will no longer be following .
×
Advanced Search
Advanced Search
Link copied to your clipboard.
×

Access to this requires a premium membership.

Be a Patron Member

Get psychotherapy help to make your therapy easier and better.



Yes, I've learned about all the benefits of being a Patron Member (Click here if you missed seeing them: Community Psychotherapy Help

Yes, I understand that...

1. I can do a 7 day free trial and my credit card will not be charged until that period is up.

2. I can cancel at any time before then and my card will not be charged.

3. That once my credit card is charged, there is no refund offered.

Have a special coupon?

4. If I'm using a coupon my receipt won't show the discounted amount (It'll show $7.95). However, I understand that it will go through as $2.95 when I am billed after the 7 day trial. (According to the current promotion, this discount applies to the first three months of my membership - and as long as I use the coupon in the checkout.)*

*Please note that after the 3 months, billing will revert to the regular monthly fee.
**The fee posted below is our standard billing fee (ie. using no coupon).

7-Day Free Trial, then $7.95 per Month (plus tax if applicable)
×