(((imagination)))

I am reading this just before I go to sleep and I wanted you to know that I can certainly understand how frustrated you are with your T right now. It sounds like a lot of things have changed in her life and she is letting those changes dictate how your therapy should go which doesn't seem fair or healthy. I don't think you are being unreasonable or selfish to be upset about her changing her boundaries. They are her boundaries and she gets to decide them but you are allowed your feelings and she should be able to accept your feelings. It is sad that she seems to be telling you so much about her personal life while she renegotiates her boundaries because you shouldn't have to be burdened with her feelings about another patient's suicide or her boyfriend getting upset at people texting her. I also think that how she is in your session is the most important thing and if she is no longer attuned or attentive during sessions that is a bigger problem than the other boundaries but I know how much I depend on outside contact with my T so I know it is hard for her to cut you off like that.

I guess the only thing to do would be to talk to her about how you feel about all the changes in your therapy and see how she responds to your feelings. Please write and let us know how it goes.

It sounds like your T has really been struggling. I agree that you shouldn't have needed to know about either the boyfriend or the suicide, and it's her job to be clear and consistent with boundaries and present and attentive during sessions. Having said that, I knew if I had a client suicide, it would definitely send me for a loop and be hard to recover from.

If you talk about this with her and you feel she can't be consistent or present enough, you might have to consider whether to find a new T. I know it's so painful to have to separate, as I did this recently because me own T was not consistent or available enough and it was making me less stable, too.

I hope you figure out a solution that works, but it sounds really awful what you've been through with it so far.

I think you are best off finding another T that doesn't have these push pull issues with you with the boundaries etc..

I don't think this scenario ends well.

I think you two have trust issues that I am not sure can be reconciled.

After reading your post, I get the sense that your T is not a good fit for what you need right now. She sounds young and perhaps a little inexperienced. Maybe I am wrong about that, but that is the sense that I get.

Would you be open to finding another T? How would you feel about interviewing some other Ts and asking them about their policies regarding outside communication in your intitial interview with them?

(((((imagination))))

It's nice to meet you. You sound so incredibly mature and on top of things for someone your age who has been through what you have been through.

I don't think you've done anything wrong although I understand why you would feel that way because I would feel that way too.

It sounds like she was spooked by the suicide and even though I am sure she really cares about you, it sounds like she's struggling really being there emotionally for you. It not that she doesn't care about you, she is protecting herself from another loss.

Unfortunately her behavior is probably causing you more problems than its solving right now.

It seems to me that when a t changes a boundary, it's better If they can be upfront about it because what client wouldn't think it was them.

It might be worth your while to go on a consult just so you don't feel so alone in sorting out this whole mess. Maybe it would be better to see someone much older who would have more experience with keeping their stuff separate from their clients.

She sounds really nice and it sounds like he cares about you a lot but is struggling herself right now.

Good luck,

Liese