Thanks, helle.

Yes, I have an excellent therapist. After an intense sessions last night, where I pretty much sobbed for 50 minutes, I'm feeling slightly better today.

My T tried to get across the point that my symptoms - the fog, the wretchedness, depression, whatever you wanna call it - isn't just something indicative of some chemical imbalance, or some crossed wires somewhere in my brain. He said the fog is "a communication, it's meaning itself, even if we don't know exactly what that is yet, although a large part of it is anger and anxiety. It's not something to be hated, despite how painful it is. It's a feeling state that's just as valid and meaningful as sadness or joy."

Of course, that's easy for someone who isn't experiencing it to say, but I do think what he says has a lot of validity.

Here's a quote that I read on the website of a woman who has chronicled her own struggles. I think this is what my T was getting at last night:

quote:

Throughout the years I simply wanted to know why I was suffering. Many people gave me techniques that they thought would help me, but ultimately it was never the technique that made any difference. Rather the technique often seemed to deny the legitimacy and the meaning of that suffering, or relegate it to the biological or the genetic. To label my suffering or to place it within a prescribed format, never solved anything for me.

Anyway, thanks for the well wishes.
Russ

quote:

Throughout the years I simply wanted to know why I was suffering. Many people gave me techniques that they thought would help me, but ultimately it was never the technique that made any difference. Rather the technique often seemed to deny the legitimacy and the meaning of that suffering, or relegate it to the biological or the genetic. To label my suffering or to place it within a prescribed format, never solved anything for me.

Dear Russ,
Your quote made me cry- I am sitting here crying and I don't know why- other than I guess it resonates deeply with me as well.
It sounds like you have a very wise T. ... and I will write more later. this quote has triggered something- I don't yet know what, perhaps a sadness??? An explanation for my aloneness???
Anyway- all the best on your journey. Good or bad- the journey is what leads to revelations- that is why I stick with it especially in the hard times.

I learned that going towards someone when I was in pain led only to more pain, so of course I came to believe that pain was integral to love.

But it isn't. Love is the answer to pain.[QUOTE]Originally posted by Attachment Girl:
Hi AG,
Thanks for this quote- this is what I am chewing on with my T. I need to learn how to bridge this gap. This clarifies stuff I need to know. Your words are often powerful for me.

quote:

Originally posted by helle:

quote:

Throughout the years I simply wanted to know why I was suffering. Many people gave me techniques that they thought would help me, but ultimately it was never the technique that made any difference. Rather the technique often seemed to deny the legitimacy and the meaning of that suffering, or relegate it to the biological or the genetic. To label my suffering or to place it within a prescribed format, never solved anything for me.

Dear Russ,
Your quote made me cry- I am sitting here crying and I don't know why- other than I guess it resonates deeply with me as well.
It sounds like you have a very wise T. ... and I will write more later. this quote has triggered something- I don't yet know what, perhaps a sadness??? An explanation for my aloneness???
Anyway- all the best on your journey. Good or bad- the journey is what leads to revelations- that is why I stick with it especially in the hard times.

helle,

I'm so sorry that quote triggered you! I hope you're OK!

That woman's story really resonates with me in terms of understanding suffering as something other than some evil thing that needs to be destroyed by any means necessary. So many times I've just sat there and said, "why is this happening? what is wrong with me? when will this nightmare end?" etc, etc. So it was nice to read a different view on it. Not that it makes any of it any easier, of course.

When you say that you're crying and you don't know why, I totally relate to this. Often when I cry, it's not so much out of sadness but out of a kind of a deep poignancy, or some kind of bitter sweetness. Does that make any sense?

Anyway, I sure hope you're OK.

Russ

quote:

Originally posted by Russ:
Dear Russ,
Your quote made me cry- I am sitting here crying and I don't know why- other than I guess it resonates deeply with me as well.
It sounds like you have a very wise T. ... and I will write more later. this quote has triggered something- I don't yet know what, perhaps a sadness??? An explanation for my aloneness???
Anyway- all the best on your journey. Good or bad- the journey is what leads to revelations- that is why I stick with it especially in the hard times.

helle,

I'm so sorry that quote triggered you! I hope you're OK!

That woman's story really resonates with me in terms of understanding suffering as something other than some evil thing that needs to be destroyed by any means necessary. So many times I've just sat there and said, "why is this happening? what is wrong with me? when will this nightmare end?" etc, etc. So it was nice to read a different view on it. Not that it makes any of it any easier, of course.

When you say that you're crying and you don't know why, I totally relate to this. Often when I cry, it's not so much out of sadness but out of a kind of a deep poignancy, or some kind of bitter sweetness. Does that make any sense?

BTW, for anyone interested in that site, it's here.

Anyway, I sure hope you're OK.

Russ[/QUOTE]

Yes, thanks Russ- I will be fine. i am still at the stage of destroying the suffering by any means possible, though.
Also, I still play connect the dots sometimes with feelings and thinking. In other words, I don't always know how I feel- or I feel something and don't know why I am feeling it.
I have those "whats wrong with me... whats going on shit (sorry- sometimes a well placed swear offers the best description)states when I am triggered, or working with my T and we are looking at the hard stuff. I much prefer avoidance,(in fact avoidance is where I have lived my entire life until about a year ago- then the container was full and the unconscious bad stuff was coming out in other ways) but I know that is a dead end.
Sorry to go on about me, this was intended to give you some comfort.
My T is going to call me later to talk about the hard stuff he allowed me to avoid in our last session on Monday, and I am already feeling sick about it. Therapy has taught me- if I don't do the work, the hard work, I am guarenteed to remain the person I was- and that is not acceptable to me any longer.
Be well.- Really!

Hi Namratasnv,

Welcome to the community. Please do say more about yourself, as we are a community that thrives on sharing and we are really open to hearing from new members. If your aim is to promote a particular website, perhaps the best thing would be to post one link only and to say a little bit about the website.

Jones