I saw your post on the characteristics of an ACOA, thought it was great, and wanted to respond but by the time I came back to it was gone. But I decided to answer anyway, I hope that's ok.
This is my take on the list. 1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is. Spent most of my life this way, although it's a lot better now, I think I'll always do this at least a little. Didn't learn a lot of stuff I should have from the get go, so there's just more thinking involved than for other people.
2. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end. This strongly characterized me at one time (at one count I had started 13 counted cross stitch projects without finishing one!) but has really, really improved.
3. Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth. I'm not sure I would have put it quite this way, but I lied quite often to protect myself. One of the reasons I tend to be so honest now is because it took so much work to get that way.
4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy. "Judge without mercy" is the perfect description. This was deeply entrenched behavior for most of my life. I think the most freeing thing that happened in my work in therapy is that I no longer to this constantly. It can still get triggered, but most of the time I can be comfortable with who I am and can see my own worth. I think it's the most precious thing my T taught me.
5. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun. OK, dodged this one for some reason.
6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously. I can sometimes, it's something I don't like about myself. Learning to laugh at myself was very freeing.
7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships. It took me a very long time to realize this and fixing it was a real b**** BUT it's fixed which is saying a lot.
8. Adult children of alcoholics overreact to changes over which they have no control. While this is better than it used to be, this is still one of my worst triggers. Learning to let go of the need to control is most definitely an ongoing work in progress in my life.
9. Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation. Again, better than it used to be, but still lots and lots of room for improvement. It's actually kind of funny because I tend to come across as very secure and self-confident, when I'm actually a seething mass of insecurities.
10. Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people. This was very definitely true. Another valuable gift I got from my T was his ability to "normalize" my reactions and show me how really normal I was.
11. Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible. Oddly enough, I split this one, I was super responsible in my school/professional life and super irresponsible in my personal life (forget stuff, struggle with finances, keeping a clean house, etc etc.) Much better than I used to be, but still lots of room for growth.
12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved. Never suffered from this one, if anything I've always found it too easy to walk away.
13. Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess. This one was so accurate it's uncanny. But I had NO idea how true this was, until I started to fix it. This is one of the areas I've seen the most change in. I've really learned to slow down, step back from my feelings and think about a lot more options. In addition, having faced a lot more of my past and feelings, there are whole areas that used to be shut off to me because they were too triggering, that I am now free to move about in. Makes a huge difference.
AG
I don't know if it's a good or bad thing to have memories of our pasts and 'mostly' I'm thankful my memories are so very few and I only have to deal with what the body remembers!!