Church Going With T

I'm currently going through a time of spiritual searching and exploration and have been visiting a variety of houses of worship. T kind of knows about all this and sometimes we discuss where I'm at in therapy, sometimes not.

The church where my T attends is one that has been on my list of places to check out for awhile, well before I learned T went there. Since learning that, though, I've felt hesitant about going there.

I finally brought it up at my last session. I simply said, "I've been thinking about visiting ________, but I've been worried that if I see you there you will think I'm turning into one of those stalker sorts of clients."

T laughed and said, "I wouldn't think that! I'd be glad to see you there."

I thought this was rather beautiful of her, although it occurs to me she could hardly tell me that her church was off limits, or could she? Thinking ahead a bit, I'm wondering how things would work out if I ended up deciding to attend there long term (which is quite unlikely, honestly, but you never know). I really think it would be okay, although it would probably feel a bit strange at first.

I'm wondering if this situation has come up for any of you, and how you and your T handled it? Or how do you think you would handle it hypothetically? Would you feel okay visiting your T's place of worship? Would you feel like you had to discuss it with her first?

1/18/128:24 AM

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forgetmenotMember

Hey HIC. Hope your doing okay

I'm not in exactly the same situation as you here but I did see my T out and about the town twice in one week and almost crossed her path on those occasions. I didn't want to see her but I did. Similarly I wanted to run away but I also wanted to run up to her and say 'hi'.

I told her this and she didn't seem taken aback by it. She even asked 'Why would you be scared to approach me?'.

So in regard to your situation, well if it were me personally (and if were emotionally speaking here, then it's obv going to be different for everyone) I would talk to her. Say I visited a place she would regularly go to...I would probably say the same thing you did 'I'm not stalking you! Honest..' sort of thing. I'd probably say to my T exactly what you said here...I'm looking for a new place of worship, I am going to feel a bit uncomfortable seeing you if I do..'.

I think whatever you feel, be honest with.

In that way my answer is biased because I would be saying *stutter* 'I hope you don't mind! I just...I just like this place and I know you go here and all that but it's something that caught my eye a while back' blah blah, panic.

If you feel you need to discuss it with her, follow your gut instinct.

Good luck HIC.

apologies if this answer is quite vague!

1/18/1210:15 AM

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lieseMember

Hi HIC

I axtually did read of a
Scenario like this in an article xoxo? Posted. The therapist in the article was offended that the client wanted To attend the same church and felt it was "his" church. It became an issue in the therapy and the therapist gave the client the choice: to end the therapeutic relationship or stop going To the church.

And so I would trust your t. She would be honest with you if it was a problem for her. My t belongs To a county bike club and doesn't have a problem If I join his club either.

I think the therapist in the article was way out of line. But that's just my opinion. He doesn't own the church and it's open to everyone but I do think it was thoughtful of you to check with her about her feelings.

Hugs
Lieae

1/18/1210:19 AM

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scaredtoriskmyselfCo-moderator

Given the choice I would probably choose to go somewhere else for my comfort and for T's, but if that is the type of church you want to attend and there aren't others like it then I would trust your T on this. Perhaps there are services at different times and you could plan to attend a different one? Any small group classes would need to be navigated if those are an issue as well.

Having said all of that, I went to the same church as my former T for a while. We were not T and client at that point so it wasn't awkward. We would say hi and she would come over and chat with us, but other than that we didn't interact any more than you would with anyone else in the congregation sitting next to you.

With my current T, I would NOT want to be in the same church or service or anything other than a chance encounter in town and even that would probably make me feel weird. I would be totally paranoid that she would think I was going there just because she does. I don't even know if she goes to church and we don't live in the same town so it would be pretty weird for me to end up at her church!

1/18/1211:47 AM

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blackbirdMember

hmmm...seeing as how I did go to my priest for spiritual direction over the long haul, and then saw him both at church (of course) and at carious church related functions afterwards- his (emotional) boundaries were so tight that it never caused a problem. I shouldn't think it would be a problem- especially as you were so beautifull7y honest and upfront with her.

So at this point- I guess it would be about your comfort level...for example, would you feel you had to avoid events or friendships that might develop if you knew your T was going to be at them? I guess it also kind of depends on the denomination. Some churches have lots of similar churches, and some have only one or two in a town of that particular denomination... so for example, if you are thinking of converting to a particular faith that doesn't have many local churches/temples, whatever- you might be stuck having to go to the same church, whether you want to or not- and in that case it seems like it would just be understood and no problem. It's an interesting question, that's for sure! good luck with it.

Hugs,

BB

1/18/123:13 PM

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heldincompassionMember

Thanks for the replies, peoples.

I thought it would be interesting to read some different perspectives on this, and I enjoyed hearing about the takes you each had on it.

I think I will definitely visit, at least once, at some point. This church is the only one of it's kind in my area, and I want to at least be able to say I've been there, as I'm trying to take in a broad sample.

I think it would be a shame to let the fact that T goes there prevent this, but I'm glad I talked to her first and that she was so gracious about it, because this way if I do run into her there it won't feel awkward and unexpected.

Thanks again for the replies, and if there are any others who would like to weigh in, please do! I think reading about the different ways we handle and feel about these things regarding the intersection of Ts and the "real world" is so intriguing.

1/19/125:20 AM

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sadlyMember

Hi HIC,
I attended the church my first T went to, because I was trying them out, and she said she didn't mind. I found it was not quite my sort of church and eventually started attending another. I actually quite liked seeing her at the church - she often played the organ - but I think I felt quite secure around her and knew that I could see her during the week and so it was not an issue in choosing a church.
I think it is sound that you go and check that church out and also see how you feel when you see her there. Good luck with it.

1/19/1211:34 AM

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