Me too...

(((Cipher)))

((((Cipher))))

Oh thank you so much for this kind thread. I am just now seeing this for first time and it warms my heart. I am trying to complete final projects for the semester and am so overwhelmed and stretched for time that I have only spent maybe 10 minutes on forum in past week, hence why I must have missed this.

I am running off to a session with my T in a few moments. Have been trying to repair hurt feelings with her. She insists she was not criticizing me in that session, only trying to help, and that H brought up an issue she had been wanting to discuss with me for quite awhile and that she didn't jump sides with him, that he only gave her an opportunity to talk about the subject since he brought it up first. I think it was incredibly dense of T to think it would be a good time to approach me about a concern for the first time immediately after H came to my session and said the same thing. What did she think it was going to look like to me when she did that? If she had never spoken about her concern before, then of course it was going to look like she never thought about it before until after H said it. Anyway, I do not plan to invite H back to any of my sessions anytime soon. And I am wary of what other hidden concerns T supposedly is keeping from me until "the right time" (according to her sense of timing) comes along. Did I mention that I don't take criticism from my T very well without feeling extremely threatened by it? (I hope that this rambling makes sense to anyone reading it.)
The good news is that H has begun his own therapy with a separate T and seems to be trying to be much kinder and attentive to me, trying to win back my affection. I just don't know if it will only be a honeymoon phase or not.
Oh, I gotta run. But thank you hopeful, BB, HIC, Kashley, for your support and giving me a chance to update here. Kashley, hope you are surviving finals better than I am.

quote:

And I am wary of what other hidden concerns T supposedly is keeping from me until "the right time" (according to her sense of timing) comes along.

Cipher, this is so interesting. I think my T randomly brings things in sessions, and has a cheat sheet sitting on top of my file, where she can just pick something off of it and talk about it. Last session she said something to me that threw me off (she actually suggested my H's lack of wanting physical intimacy with me was because he was angry with me for having four children)....I left rather upset....I'm actually almost not wanting to go back today, because of it. I guess it is like you said, now I'm concerned what other items she will bring up....I'm afraid I'm going to waste today's session sitting there frozen.

Anyway, there's a part of me that is glad you didn't run away from therapy with your T because of that session with your H. I hope your session today went well.

quote:

I hope your session today went well.

Well, this thread seems like a good place to write about it. Today we talked about...

How H is responding to therapy & how things have been with him at home this past week

Intrinsic worth of people being separate from their actions,accomplishments,failures (i.e., trying to beat it into me again that I am not BAD)

Shame, shame, and more shame - how to talk about it openly without dying inside - how to be willing to let myself look bad in front of T

EMDR - T says we can do that eventually but until I trust her more I will not be able to maximize its effectiveness

Hypnotherapy - T says it is contraindicated for someone with my issues

Ethics regarding dual relationships and the limits on contact with T after I leave therapy - but I think T believes I will be in therapy with her until she retires.

Possibility of scheduling 90-min or 2-hr sessions in the future, instead of 60-min ones

(((Cipher)))

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(i.e., trying to beat it into me again that I am not BAD)

That's one that my T has told me more times than I can count, although I (of course) do not fully believe her. Also, my T and I went to 90 minute sessions (and had a few 2 hour sessions) for a while when things were quite difficult with memories and such. Right now we're at an hour, which has been good since it allows us to titrate things a little better (although it's made things pretty slow going) so that I can function a little more for school. Edit: I just glanced at this again and realized I never made my point about this! Maybe my brain is already a little more fried than I thought. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I think 90 minute or 2 hour sessions can be very beneficial. They take off some of the pressure to get immediately into everything so that you are able to leave at least partially present. So I think it would be great if you could get longer sessions.

(((hugs))) I hope the next week or so go smoothly for you and that you breeze through finals. I'm managing okay right now, but we'll see if that remains true as I have 5 exams between tomorrow and Wednesday. Good luck with everything! It's hard enough dealing with school alone..even harder when you're having to deal with so much else.

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I'm managing okay right now, but we'll see if that remains true as I have 5 exams between tomorrow and Wednesday.

Oh my, that sounds awful. I guess the bright side is that it won't be long before its all over! I have 4 exams coming up but each is on a separate day. However, I also have to do 2 final presentations and hand in a gazillion research project papers before the exams begin. For me, relief is 8 or 9 days away.

I did book a 2-hour session early in January when T gets back from her holiday break. I'm looking forward to that. But it will be harder to fit 2-hr sessions into mine and T's schedule when classes start again for the new semester. I asked T if she'd be willing to have appointments starting at 8:00 or 8:30am instead of 9am, because I always have to leave by 10am to get to school on time. She wasn't excited about the idea of coming to work earlier, but said she'd do it for me occasionally.

(((CIPHER))))

That's such great news, that H started his own therapy. You met this one head on and look at the great results so far even if you are not sure they are going to last.

Oh, yeah, I would have been unsure how to take something that T brought up for the first time during my first session with my H. It would feel like she was taking his side. Yes, bad timing on T's part.

xoxo

Liese

Cipher,
Glad you're back on here and your H is going to therapy now. Sounds like things are getting better and I'm happy for you.
Hopeful