Hi and welcome! Just so you know you are not alone...I clam up in sessions with my T too! It's not just with this T. This has happened with my previous T. I end up doing it with my professors (some of them...the ones that intimidate me and I feel afraid) and sometimes other people in general (it depends on my mood and anxiety level). It has happened when I've tried to talk with my abusive ex husband mainly.
That is understandable more so than the other people.
Oh...one biggie is that I even clammed up this past semester when seeing clients in my practice semester of T training school. That was not so great. My prof. (one of the ones that intimidates me) questioned why I wasn't speaking. This is something I need to work on for my professional and personal growth!

One thing that I do that helps is that I bring a typed up list (bullet points) or narrative diary version of what I want to talk to my T about during session. I admit that sometimes we end up spending more time exploring one of my issues instead of several from my list. I also admit that sometimes I edit my list in session out of fear/avoidance. Like I'll skip to something that is of less importance, but I'm curious about it instead of bigger/deeper issues that need tackling. Then, I feel like kicking myself by not getting to it in session. I know what you are talking about.

I'm not sure if anything I said helps you out. I'll be watching this post to see if others have suggestions for you.

Once again, Welcome!

Hi

It is a very common problem for me too, feeling like the words just won't come out when you finally get to session. The suggestion above to try bringing a list is one I was thinking. Does your T allow emails between sessions? If so I wonder if you could email some thoughts of what you'd like to talk about, so that she could initiate the discussion when you get there?

I know it's scary, keep trying your best and know that it's okay when the words won't come out. Being gentle with yourself can sometimes take a lot of pressure off, everything is at your own pace!

AH

Thanks for the replies! Unfortunately, I have tried writing things down but then I still struggle. I think I am going to try a variation of that, though. I am going to try making a short list of things I want to work on in the near future and give that to her.

MissI,

this is and has always been a problem for me. with my current T i've been for 3 years and i can say it has improved slightly, but still a long way off from feeling like i can speak freely. the improvement i think came from understanding more about why i can't speak and accepting those reasons/ issues. i think for me it all goes back to my core issues - trust, fear, connection (lack of) and self-conflict... so its not something that i can fix first and then go on to fix other issues. its going to be a work in progress for a long time. what seems to help sometimes is accepting that its difficult and looking more into the why - why am i finding it particularly hard to talk today, or is it about this particular issue...? sometimes i just say 'i dont feel like talking today', 'have nothing to say' or 'theres something i wanted to say but i cant'... and thats a good start, because then theres a chance to test my trust slowly and build up from that.

its a hard one... good luck!

puppet

Hi MissI and

You are definatley not alone
Same thing happens to me. I finally got up the courage to tell my T this (might be hardest part) and she suggested that I write it all down during the week and then bring it in. Good idea, but of course the hardest part would be actually handing it to her to read. I imagine myself just throwing it at her right when I walk in the room b/c of course once she has it, Im not going to grab it back from her.(at least I don't think I would ). Anyways, your not alone. Sometimes, writing everything out before hand, even if your not going to give it to her, but just to get your thoughts in order, will decrease your anxiety some. I hope you can work through this.

I find it hard too. And it's hard to work out if maybe you just aren't ready to talk about something - or it's just that trust in general, and trusting your T in particular, is so frightening you just can't even begin.

You could maybe tell the T that you have a number of things written down, but that you are not sure if you can talk about them? Start with the 'easiest' point? I've sat with notes before and said 'I just can't read this out' - and my T asks me what it is I'm afraid of and we talk about that instead - which is useful I guess.

the other thing I have experienced is the 'freeze' aspect of fight/flight/freeze. I think I did freeze a lot as a kid - and this happens in therapy. I literally cannot speak or move Maybe you do that too?

SB

glad what I said helped SP (and made sense!)

((MISSI)) What you're experiencing is not unusual. Clamming up seems like a common issue a lot of us have experienced. When I first started Therapy less than a year ago, I had to write down everything I wanted to talk about, and I just handed it to my T. Keep a copy for yourself in case you only get through the first one or two, and than you can bring your copy to the next session and will continue talking about each issue. He seemed pleased that I took a little time just to jot down a few topics that bothered me, and than I wasn't sitting there stuck with nothing to say. Its easy enough to write the issues down that bother us, because our T's just aren't mind readers, so it really takes the stress off both you and T. Be patient with yourself, it will get better with time and a little writing. Warmest Hugs