I don’t have a problem with Poppet. We had a fight a while back. I didn’t see it as a big deal but it was blown way out of proportion. Anyway, I’ve always enjoyed Poppet’s posts and felt especially comfortable talking with her about therapy issues as I think she is balanced and had a good head on her shoulders in that department….
ps i actually thinks it's kinda cute we've created this sorta imaginary 'record' to clarify things. hehe
CLARIFICATION TO ALL BUT MOSTLY TO SHRINKLADY:
I sent the email below to the ‘Editors” email address. I don’t know if you got this or have gotten any one my emails. You, or it seems due to your lack of response, that someone acting as you has emailed me several times wanting to Skype with me. When I reply I can’t Skype, I never hear from them again.
I started to think that someone who was possibly given my email address by a moderator was sending the emails and wanted the Skype video so that they could post my picture on the forum to ridicule me sorta like what was ok to do to Coture Girl or 2 others who were thought to be her (I can’t remember their user names). I started thinking that anyone could create an email like ShrinkLady123 at hotmail, etc. and send it to me, remembering that some members/moderators here were giving out this personal information to other members.
Shrinklady, if you have gotten this email response to you, it would help if you would please, please acknowledge it is you by replying signed in as Shrinklady. I don’t know who all uses the ‘Editors” user name here, but she/they have closed my account after sending you a PM that you/they say you reply to. They have also suspended my Irish account after you have PMd me.
I really, really want you to know this. This is clarification to some things said on the other thread. I sent this to ‘Editors’ email but you never acknowledged it so I don’t know if it was/is you:
quote:“I seriously did not mean for my comment to sound like you were 'giving' our IP addresses out to Jane. I am sorry for not wording that more carefully. No one even knew Jane had emotionally instability issues. I was actually referring to Attachment Girl. The example with Jane was to support my point of the importance of that privacy but also an example of possibly the worst that could happen by letting our IP addresses and email addresses land in the wrong hands. I know forums collect that information. But i never realized actual members had access to it and were looking at it.
I could never comment on how things with Jane were handled as I was never told anything not having been a moderator. The only issues I had, and futility tried to find out about was, if moderators and admiinstrators had access to both our ip's and email addresses. I would have never expected people in those roles to have that information. What was scary was that no one could be open about the privacy stuff despite asking numerous times during this awful conflict. This is when i was first banned, when i was trying to get answers and thus created new accounts because no one could give me these answers. Still to this day, you had not made an announcement about the privacy stuff...”
THINGS I LEARNED:
I really never thought of myself as the forum scapegoat until others brought it up. After thinking about it though, I can see how I contributed to those dynamics. I kept taking responsibility and blame for things, saying I was wrong, saying I shouldn’t have done this, shouldn’t have done that, made this mistake, etc. I took WAY too much blame here. For so many things.
But the other part of the dynamic was that AG has been blaming me for so many that has happened here and in her life. Everyone else, including me, said they made mistakes because of hurt, anger, personal issues, etc. But after reading AGs response to me in the other thread a 2nd time, even now, you blame me for everything and always have. I re-read the whole thing and you still take no responsibility. Your character is marked by your actions here and elsewhere, not by my words. You actually blamed me for Janegate, though it was subtle, in addition to you not feeling safe here. (note, you did acknowledge you are not perfect/are human, but that has already been established, in terms of everyone, a long time ago). And AG I totally understand why you do this (from the psychological perspective). I am angry no more.
So it seems I fulfilled a role here. Seriously learned a lot. I know not to make this mistake again.
The one other BIG thing was the way I handled things. I wish, so wish, I simply reported the posts and PM as they came. (I could have copied pasted right away if deleted). I think that would have changed so much here. I really regret not doing that. I really did not imagine things would blow up like this. If I could change anything I’ve done, it would be this one thing. The only problem with that (for me) is that there was a time when reported posts went to AG, and I wouldn't know/others wouldn't know who actually gets those unless announced, which wasn't always done.
This can carry over to my personal life too. I’ve always been terrified to ‘tell’ on people. I think this is a good insight for me, and i've changed for the better as a result.
MOVING FORWARD:
I really think it’s great there is this new ‘thing’ happening here: let someone express their hurt, simply say you’re sorry, and the conflict goes away right then and there. Its working, I’ve seen it. Thanks to Poppet who introduced this concept. I and others have openly supported it. It might not solve everything, but it has proven itself to work.
I’ve found what Jones said to be true. The philosophical differences. I am not a good fit for this place. I can tolerate another's personality issues, but it seems i just cannot tolerate that others have tolerated those same issues as a community, ie, the blame put on me and sitting back and doing nothing. There is a reason this quote is so popular:
quote:The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein
So that matches my philosphy. And it's ok if it doesn't match that of others. So it's not individual differences i can't tolerate, it's Jones' philosophical thing..
Although that’s an old story, I would be too afraid such things could re-emerge. The other thing I can’t tolerate is the behind the scenes stuff/lack of transparency (due to my own issues). So I don’t feel safe to be a member here due to those conditions. Anything else, I can tolerate. I do feel there is a lack of tolerance here by the community as a whole for some other things that don’t make sense to me, but that’s ok too.
It also seems the conflict will dissolve on its own. If only this were allowed to be discussed years ago, this crap wouldn’t be here now. The forum would be active with supportive discussions. It will get there...I'm confident it will. It is so much more healthy than it was 2 years ago, a year ago..
My only problem-ever-was that ‘moderation’ turned into what could be conceived as bullying, and i tried to stick up for others. And for our record, AG, this was way before you were ever even a moderator. It didn’t bother me as much then, it’s just that after you became a moderator, it changed things here because i felt you were one who was doing this before.
It hasn’t been like that in a long time. I feel if it were allowed to have been resolved in the open a looong time ago, this conversation would not be taking place. To be clear-I have NO Issue with this now. Moderation, any of that stuff is no longer important. And imo, has been quite good under CTL. As someone recently said to me “conflict is ok”. I have seen this place grow tremendously after each conflict. Things seem so much more healthier here now.
THANK YOU
Sorry...edited to add:
IRISH GIRL
i keep getting cutoff by someone, and i don't know who, before i have a chance to respond to things. so i have to create a new user name to post. so sorry