Only all the time. I bulk when he doesnt reassure me enough, but when he does I mistrust it. Errr so frustrating. I'm sorry you go through this too

quote:

Close, then too close, and then not close enough...

Anyone else get that?

Totally get it, went through it for years and every time I moved closer, it kicked in again. My T calls it the "hellish bind" of healing from injuries by a caregiver. Wrote a post on my blog about it: Disorganized Attachment or Why you think you're crazy but you aren't

You sound very normal for someone who has experienced what you've experienced.

AG

quote:

I bulk when he doesnt reassure me enough, but when he does I mistrust it.

That's me with anyone I get close to. Anyone.

You're not alone!

Starry

Yep, go through this a lot.

For me, it happens most often when we've had a big session going back into a memory and he's judged the window perfectly and brought me back into the present, got me grounded well, and I've felt safe with him, both going in and coming back out again. Within hours, I'm telling myself how stupid I am to feel safe with anyone knowing what I know, that I should quit therapy because it's obviously making me more crazy, and that no matter what good things T does, it's only a matter of time before he hurts me.

Sometimes all it takes is him writing something vaguely kind in an email for me to freak out.

You're not alone!



landa

I'm doing this right now.

AG's blog post really explains it well. Disorganized attachment is lovely

You are not alone in this.

TN

quote:

Disorganized attachment is lovely

Yes it is, isn't it?

Thank you ALL!

I figured I was getting my "disorganized attachment" on in this relationship with T.

Oh, how strange of a cycle it is, though. The thing I have recognized in myself is my desire to be so close when I am in the middle of the week(with a few days until our next session). I then find it so hard to feel close in session. I am like "DON'T LOOK at ME!" I want her eyes averted off of me as much as possible, but my T has this amazing "laser eye" stare going on that she doesn't break. She told me at one point, I want you to realize WHY I am looking at you. It's so you can feel "seen" and "held" in this session with me. Ah. I LOVED hearing that, but at the same time I felt like getting up and running. I want more of those good things. It's like I crave it so much.

AG, I can't wait to check out your blog post.

--DM

I don't think I really have disorganized attachment, and yet I've done the very same thing.

Yep, totally me, too. It's terrible. I'm so sorry you have it too, but glad to know I'm not alone!