Hi Somedays,
I vote for luckiest person to be alive! She sounds like the nicest T! She's made mistakes but she is making up for them. I kind of feel that way with my T also so it has changed the way I talk with her now which is much more comfortable. Hope things like that happen more often for you.

Hopeful

It's nice when our Ts can do those extra things to help us connect. They can be super healing Some Ts are okay with doing some outside of the therapy room stuff - I don't think it's really a red flag unless a dual relationship develops then it can go sticky for the therapy. I love seeing the 'real' side of my Ts too, I think it actually fosters trust - it wasn't until I took a walk with T1 that I really broke through and started to see her as just a person. I'm really really glad you got to connect with your T Especially after a rough session it's nice to do a 'cool down'. You're very fortunate indeed!

Psh... No hate mail coming your way. This is very cool - And I'm happy for you.

It's kindof cool when you think about it... The people we allow ourselves to be with our T's are so much different than the people we function as in the rest of the world... and how easily we can flip back and forth.

ie: Your T asking you for coffee anyway on a bad day, and your being able to seperate your 'T' time and your 'coffee' time... - Is kindof a big accomplishment

Happy for you!!! I think everyone has different needs and if you or your T are very comfortable with this and don't see it as a problem, then coffee time it is!

I did tell her - "just you wait until I tell the others about this!" We have actually had a few years of dual relationship before and we managed it very well back then and we openly talk about it now. Hopefully we are open and honest with each other and we would say something to the other person.

If anything T and I need to do this more to help me feel safe. My T has always said that when you are in a long term therapy relationship, you do things differently and you both learn more about each other on a deeper level - so it is only natural that you share more. Not quite sure she does this with all her clients - it came about from us having a prior relationship.

I thought it had happened to you Draggers, so I appreciate your comments about it.

You are right Hopeful - she has made mistakes and has always been open and honest about it. One of the best things that her and I have is that we can talk about our relationship, attachment difficulties and boundaries very openly. It is such a relief. I do feel that this will help us.

Cat - we have had a dual relationship before and it was quite difficult but we managed it - we were both nearly 20 years younger back then - so anything that comes up now, I think we both can solve it - with age, wisdom and experience (and gray hair...).

First time I have left a session feeling positive and not needing to sit in my car and cry.


NavyMe - it is cool. I have always managed different facets to me - ie the therapy hat is now ON OR the me hat is now ON - and same with T. We have both done this before and so I guess we have confidence that it will be ok.

Diva - yeah - we do have different needs and I am really lucky that T trusts me to do this. I guess it is everything about trust isn't it.


I just hope I don't start getting all over-the-top-attached to her and think there is more to it than what it is. Keep myself real and it doesn't mean we will do it again or that it means anything more than coffee on a day when it was convenient for both of us.

I told T that I have 3-week-cycles - one week I love her, the next I hate her and the next I am neutral and numb and ambivalent about her. Had the Love week for part of last week, then hated her and pushed her away and currently into the neutral week. I told her that we are heading for another Love week - so she needs to watch out.

I am so lucky.
Somedays.

Somedays,

This was so good to read. I'm glad you got to have that experience with your T. She seems so cool and really lovely! I enjoy reading about the relationship the two of you have, it sounds really special.

Thanks for posting this!

(lol, this reminds me I think it's time for *my* morning coffee now. )

i confess, i'm a little jealous, but honestly think i'd freak out and panic if my T ever asked me to coffee

i AM very happy for you tough, SD. that is truly awesome and sweet. hold on to the specialness of that!

quote:

My T has always said that when you are in a long term therapy relationship, you do things differently and you both learn more about each other on a deeper level - so it is only natural that you share more.

SD: I'm glad that the experience was positive for you. In and of itself it seems likely harmless enough. However, it is a slippery slope. Yes, in long term therapy things get more personal and deeper, likely for both the client and the T BUT that can be a double edged sword. Dual relationships in therapy, especially while still in therapy are prohibited for a reason and that is to protect you. I know it seems like it helps you get to know your T and likely it does, but that can interfere with the therapy because when you know the T as a person then you start to consider their needs and that can lead to issues with your therapy.

My question is why do you want this from her? Are you trying to get something that you never had? Is it fulfilling some need that was never met in the past in a relationship that you need to grieve? Does it make you feel special to her?

I know I'm the unpopular voice of caution here and I could be totally and completely off base so feel free to ignore me all together. I'm coming from a place of recently being hurt in a long term therapy relationship where the boundaries (at times) were blurry and I know what a fine line it is to walk between knowing your T more and maintaining the therapuetic frame.

I will say that once my T and I went for a walk after my session and I will always remember that. It was very special to me and likely my T was not even aware how much it meant to me (once I was coherent enough to experience it that is!), but it is something I will always remember.