(((BB)))

I know how you feel. I struggle so much with does T care? followed by why do I care so much how he feels, shouldn't I be able to talk anyway as long as he does his job and is there and attentive during the session. My T uses "that really sucks" the way your T used "ouch". He responds to the feeling you are having and it sounds painful instead of discussing what you said about him not caring.



Are you going to book weekly appointments in the new year? I don't remember his booking system and policy but I hope that you can get a predictable hour because I think it helps. At least that is what we keep telling each other.

Don't worry about being a downer BB, I'm right there with you after my session tonight and I also have a break coming up.

Hey BB I'm sorry to hear what you are going through right now.

I've been thinking along the same lines. I put my T the back of my mind now for some reason, because I'm paranoid over her care. I think it may be because I've never had a really good female role model in my life. I've searched far and wide. Plus I got close to a friends Mum of mine who was a trained counsellor, only to find that she was extremely self-involved and manipulating, so I'm painting T with that brush..

Anyway, anyway, before I go on and on about myself, for you, I think, hum, I reckon you should try and stick with it. If it's a transference issue, then it needs to be looked at and worked through (?). Perhaps you are still grieving over oldT and perhaps that might take some more time.

How do you compare both T's? Are they both as good? Or do you feel that CowboyT is possibly missing something that you had with OldT (apart from the entire person of OldT)

Sorry, I'm not good at this myself. Um, is transference different to attachment? Means I have the same problem as yourself. I'm going to keep trying though. Even though, for some reason, I've lost a bit of hope.

I feel like a bit of douche, I can't help much. All I can say is that I feel somewhat similar but I think if you think CowboyT is doing well with helping you, don't give up. Chances are, and I think you've mentioned this, the attachment issue lyes in your disbelief that he can help plus your mourning for OldT. Maybe you need to discuss this more and get to the bottom of why you feel like that. Beause unless CowboyT has done anything that makes you hate him or he's acted against the conduct of his license and what he's supposed to you, therein lyes your issues with attachment that CAN be worked through?

What I've worked out for myself is that sometimes I can be deluding myself with such strong emotions. I can believe that it's my therapist depleting the relationship and perhaps my guess might be true, but it's always a guess. And as it's always a guess, it's worth holding on. Don't rely on guess work I reckon. Unless you have a real hunch that something is not clicking between you and your T.

Sorry I've been not such a good help! It's because I'm in the same conundrum I think. Best of luck BB. Don't worry, you're not ruining Xmas spirit. It's all feelings and they're valid anytime of the year! xx

(((((((((((((Beebs))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you are feeling so stuck right now. I do have a question. When you said you guess you've "slipped off the radar" regarding needing weekly appointments, what does that mean? Why are you not getting weekly appointments anymore? Can you ask Cowboy about this and get back on the weekly schedule? I know this was a really important point with your former T and it sounds like a really important point now. I'm sorry if he's made a mistake, but I hope you can give him a chance to correct it.

Much love & hugs,
SG

Beebs,
I don't know how to advise other than to just say your feelings are probably temporary. You are not irreparably damaged or any of the things you said...you matter! Don't be hard on yourself...you are a very kind person "I can tell" it's probably just one of those times you're going thru but I predict you will come out of it soon. Take care of yourself.
Hopeful

Thank you for the support, incognito,FMG, SG, and hopeful...it really means a lot right now.

SG, I guess he promised in a session about a month ago, that he would book a bunch of sessions out for me on Wednesday nights- like he always has done for me. That's always meant a lot, because, to me, it means that he thinks I have a need to be in therapy and am not just wasting time prattling on. It's a reassurance that he is willing to be available for the support I need, but am afraid to ask for most of the time. Anyway, he forgot to book the appointments, they all filled up, I couldn't get in any other day, and then I got some appointments emailed to me the day before my appointment (I think, as I remember?) but for out in January. He was really nice about it, apologized and everything- but I just can['t help feeling like he might be doing the same thing guru did, trying to get rid of me (the impossible client who can't be helped and is so darn annoying and ambivalent and unproductive) without actually just saying...I can't work with you anymore- because he thinks based on what I told him about what happened with guru T that it would be devastating to me be dumped by him. But I do feel pretty ambivalent. Plus I said something at the end like...I am worried about my kids, and he said something like "I could refer you to a child therapist." Oh I'm all mized up. confused thoughts about all of this, but I'm really not particularly distressed. He really can be very nice, and kind, but I shouldn't just be looking for that, I feel.

Anyhow.

arg.

Thanks for letting me go on...thanks for understanding, you guys.

Love,

Beebs

quote:

I wonder if there is any point to continuing with therapy, when it *feels* totally pointless?

Hi BB,

Of course I don't know you in real life, or what your situation is like, and I'm not all that knowledgeable about therapy either. All that said, it occurred to me that maybe sometimes it is just time to quit, at least temporarily? If you really feel that you can walk away and not miss anything, not feel as though something was incomplete or unfinished, and even feel relief at the thought of leaving-- could it be possible it just isn't meant to be right now? Not that I'm saying those things are the case for you. I'm just wondering because you've sounded dissatisfied and ambivalent about therapy for awhile now.

I haven't mentioned this on the forums before, but I'm tentatively intending to stop therapy, at least for some months, beginning in February. Things are going well and I am happy with my T, but I'm feeling a desire to get out of the therapeutic head space for awhile and focus on other things in my life. Forgive me if I am projecting in thinking you might be feeling the same way.

Anyway, that's just my two cents. I hope you make the best decision for you and one that will bring you the most peace. Have you talked to Cowboy about any of this?

((((BB)))))

I'm sorry you are feeling so down about Cowboy T. I don't know if I missed what happened to your appointments. What happened? Did you take a break back in October and he hasn't been able to fit you back in?

BB, it's important to know that he cares. You need to talk to him how all this screwing around with the appointments makes you feel like he thinks you are boring, etc. etc. Oh, BB, I prattled on for years with my T and he just listened. He waited until I was ready. Until I felt secure. And that's the way it should be. I have a good feeling about CowboyT. I don't think he'd push you out of therapy. But you need to bring your fears to him. You need to get reassurance.

About the referral thing. Lots of T's won't treat members of the same family. It could be as simple as that.

But you need to ask. Don't give up. Talk it all through with him. What have you got to lose by talking to him? But you have alot to lose by not talking to him and feeling hopeless. And you have a lot to gain if he is able to give you the reassurance that you need. And then you can decide whether or not you want to make a commitment. Sometimes our T's can only be as committed as we are committed to ourselves. You are FAR from boring.

xoxoxox



Love,

Liese