AG I’m so so sorry I’ve come so late to your party. But I’ll just mix up a few dregs and pick up a few crumbs and celebrate with you anyway (LL shoves sleeping revellers out of the way and picks her way over streamers).
That is SO good to read how your session went - so so inspiring to hear how brilliant your T was and that you were able to walk out the door with a singing heart. You really have had a ‘fairy tale’ therapy and it’s wonderful that you’ve shared it all here, a real live true yardstick of how therapy ought to be. Good for you - well done. I hope you are giving yourself lots of kudos and pats on the back for having achieved so much. And to be able to say - it was all worth it. Three cheers for AG!
LL
quote:ag, i feel like a really good book is over. i wanted your appointment to last longer, and i just feel so, i don't know, cleansed?
I totally agree with Jill.
And you are such a good writer- your stuff is crystal. Thanks for it all- thanks for sharing it. What a magical experience - now fly!
My best to you AG
Mayo
AG,
Wow. What a beautiful post to read. Thank you for sharing your very special ending-and-beginning session with us all. Absolutely amazing!!
I'm thrilled that you were able to walk away knowing you are truly loved by your T, and that he has so much confidence and faith in you because you've done the work and have come so far through that hard work and perseverence. You are an insipiration to me, AG. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. The impact of it all has been tremendously inspiring, so thank you!! 
God bless you as you go forward, and may He continue to show you your strength in the hard times. Way to go, AG. Thanks for your shining example.
MTF
Wow. What a beautiful post to read. Thank you for sharing your very special ending-and-beginning session with us all. Absolutely amazing!!
I'm thrilled that you were able to walk away knowing you are truly loved by your T, and that he has so much confidence and faith in you because you've done the work and have come so far through that hard work and perseverence. You are an insipiration to me, AG. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. The impact of it all has been tremendously inspiring, so thank you!! God bless you as you go forward, and may He continue to show you your strength in the hard times. Way to go, AG. Thanks for your shining example.MTF
STRM,
Thank you for your tears, I am so touched by everyone saying how much my story has affected them. I am just happy that you're all willing to read it. To tell me it has moved you is incredibly affirming. And its just lovely to have people who are happy about me being me. It took ME a long time to feel that way and it's still such a wonderful surprise that other people can feel that way. (((STRM)))
Deeplyrooted,
You weren't late! This one if going to be going on for quite some time. Thank you for the kind words. I loved the lyrics, and the message in them. One thing that I actually thanked my T for at our last session (and had previously) was for his faith in ability to heal. There was a very long stretch of therapy where I thought I'd never pull through to the light of morning. But my (very stubborn ) T just refused to budge. He has a deep trust for the process. He knows it may be long, difficult, and confusing, but he knows what happens at the end. I ran on his faith for a long time before I could form my own. I'm glad I did because he was right.
(((((SG)))))) Thank you for your happiness for me; it's a treasure beyond price.
Thanks Jones! And may I say thank you again for the party? I needed a reminder of the joyful side of this.
BG,
You had a gentle revenge on me. I had never seen that song, and I'm a HUGE muppets fan. Thank heaven I was working at home when I saw it, as I blubbered like a baby through the whole thing. Thank you so much!
DF, Right back at you! ((((((DF))))))) Persevere DF, I know this will be you someday.
Butterfly,
Thank you again. I have so appreciated you being so supportive despite the little time you've known me. I'm glad you're here and posting.
Jill,
Thank you. I love that you said it's like a really good book is over. That describes it so well. There was a deep sense that it was a good ending, that we pulled all the plot points in and resolved all the issues, the way you do in a good book. And it even included the sense that there was going to be a really good sequel.
I had this conversation with my T once when talking about my sense of worth and said to him that I was frustrated with leaning so on him because I knew it should come from inside me. To my shock, he corrected me and told me "no, it always comes from outside you. But as a child we're able to take it in on a much deeper level, so that it becomes an integral, felt part of us." I believe each person has intrinsic worth that no one can strip away. What we can struggle with, and can be destroyed is our awareness of our worth. What restored it for me was watching my T, over and over again, treat me like I was worthwhile and mattered until I could believe it. But unlike someone who was told this from the beginning, I still occasionally have to contend with the messages I heard back then about my not mattering and not being beautiful. But I am thankfully much quicker at telling those thoughts to take a hike. Hang in there Jill, it will come.
LL,
No apologies!! Your cat's needs certainly come ahead of this (glad you cleaned up the place a little though.) Thank you for all the kind words, I really do appreciate you being happy for me.
Mayo,
Thanks for the well wishes!
MTF,
Thank you, everything you said was very affirming. And I so see God's hand in the fact that so many people say this is inspiring! (Confession: inspiring is definitely NOT a way I see myself.) But the truth is, that the work my T and I did created a sacred space in which I believe God could work and heal me. Part of the reason that I know other people can do this, is because I am keenly aware that "I" didn't do this.
I am still doing well, but as the "high" of the last appointment wears off, there is some sadness creeping in. But even that has been an interesting experience. There is no fear, only sadness. And the sadness isn't about losing my T, that feels impossible now, but about not being able to see him right now. I really thought by now I'd have an irresistible urge to get in touch with him, but that hasn't been there. I almost have a sense that the last session was so perfect and so affirming that I don't want to take a chance on further contact marring that. And when the sadness comes, I'm trying not to fight it but feel it and it seems to be passing fairly quickly. I am curious as to what will happen in the coming weeks.
Thank you all again for all your support and joy for me, especially since so many are struggling through their dark passages right now.
AG
Thank you for your tears, I am so touched by everyone saying how much my story has affected them. I am just happy that you're all willing to read it. To tell me it has moved you is incredibly affirming. And its just lovely to have people who are happy about me being me.
It took ME a long time to feel that way and it's still such a wonderful surprise that other people can feel that way. (((STRM)))Deeplyrooted,
You weren't late! This one if going to be going on for quite some time.
Thank you for the kind words. I loved the lyrics, and the message in them. One thing that I actually thanked my T for at our last session (and had previously) was for his faith in ability to heal. There was a very long stretch of therapy where I thought I'd never pull through to the light of morning. But my (very stubborn ) T just refused to budge. He has a deep trust for the process. He knows it may be long, difficult, and confusing, but he knows what happens at the end. I ran on his faith for a long time before I could form my own. I'm glad I did because he was right. (((((SG)))))) Thank you for your happiness for me; it's a treasure beyond price.
Thanks Jones! And may I say thank you again for the party? I needed a reminder of the joyful side of this.
BG,
You had a gentle revenge on me. I had never seen that song, and I'm a HUGE muppets fan. Thank heaven I was working at home when I saw it, as I blubbered like a baby through the whole thing. Thank you so much!
DF, Right back at you! ((((((DF))))))) Persevere DF, I know this will be you someday.
Butterfly,
Thank you again. I have so appreciated you being so supportive despite the little time you've known me. I'm glad you're here and posting.
Jill,
Thank you. I love that you said it's like a really good book is over. That describes it so well. There was a deep sense that it was a good ending, that we pulled all the plot points in and resolved all the issues, the way you do in a good book. And it even included the sense that there was going to be a really good sequel.
quote:but why, for me, now, does that need to come from another. why can't i just accept it myself? oh, more counseling i suspect. poo-ey...
I had this conversation with my T once when talking about my sense of worth and said to him that I was frustrated with leaning so on him because I knew it should come from inside me. To my shock, he corrected me and told me "no, it always comes from outside you. But as a child we're able to take it in on a much deeper level, so that it becomes an integral, felt part of us." I believe each person has intrinsic worth that no one can strip away. What we can struggle with, and can be destroyed is our awareness of our worth. What restored it for me was watching my T, over and over again, treat me like I was worthwhile and mattered until I could believe it. But unlike someone who was told this from the beginning, I still occasionally have to contend with the messages I heard back then about my not mattering and not being beautiful. But I am thankfully much quicker at telling those thoughts to take a hike.
Hang in there Jill, it will come.LL,
No apologies!! Your cat's needs certainly come ahead of this (glad you cleaned up the place a little though.
) Thank you for all the kind words, I really do appreciate you being happy for me.Mayo,
Thanks for the well wishes!
MTF,
Thank you, everything you said was very affirming. And I so see God's hand in the fact that so many people say this is inspiring! (Confession: inspiring is definitely NOT a way I see myself.
) But the truth is, that the work my T and I did created a sacred space in which I believe God could work and heal me. Part of the reason that I know other people can do this, is because I am keenly aware that "I" didn't do this. I am still doing well, but as the "high" of the last appointment wears off, there is some sadness creeping in. But even that has been an interesting experience. There is no fear, only sadness. And the sadness isn't about losing my T, that feels impossible now, but about not being able to see him right now. I really thought by now I'd have an irresistible urge to get in touch with him, but that hasn't been there. I almost have a sense that the last session was so perfect and so affirming that I don't want to take a chance on further contact marring that. And when the sadness comes, I'm trying not to fight it but feel it and it seems to be passing fairly quickly. I am curious as to what will happen in the coming weeks.
Thank you all again for all your support and joy for me, especially since so many are struggling through their dark passages right now.
AG
For those who are worried about coming late to the party....
I'm imagining that some of us have been chatting through the night, some of us have been sweetly snoozing in quiet spaces, and some have been hit by bouncy energy, picking up the party streamers, putting on the coffee pot and the tea kettle, and sooner or later pulling out the freshly baked bread and the yummy cheese and fruit and other good bits and pieces. There's lovely morning sunshine, dewy air, birdsong, and much more music and chatting and wandering and dancing to come, and little comfy hidey-holes to read or continue the nap, and trees and swimming holes and (you do want to see Robert Downey Jr in his swimming togs, don't you?)....
Oh, you thought this was a one night party? Nah. This is the party that's here for whenever you want or need it.
xxx Jones (off to find a friendly kitty and a good book to snuggle with in the gentle sun, hearing PsychCafe'ers chat and giggle softly nearby)
I'm imagining that some of us have been chatting through the night, some of us have been sweetly snoozing in quiet spaces, and some have been hit by bouncy energy, picking up the party streamers, putting on the coffee pot and the tea kettle, and sooner or later pulling out the freshly baked bread and the yummy cheese and fruit and other good bits and pieces. There's lovely morning sunshine, dewy air, birdsong, and much more music and chatting and wandering and dancing to come, and little comfy hidey-holes to read or continue the nap, and trees and swimming holes and (you do want to see Robert Downey Jr in his swimming togs, don't you?)....
Oh, you thought this was a one night party? Nah. This is the party that's here for whenever you want or need it.
xxx Jones (off to find a friendly kitty and a good book to snuggle with in the gentle sun, hearing PsychCafe'ers chat and giggle softly nearby)
i'm so glad you liked the song. i had seen it on sesame street the week before and thought about my own therapy. then when i read your experience of the session, it popped into my head.
always a risk to admit you cry during sesame street. glad i'm not alone!!!
always a risk to admit you cry during sesame street. glad i'm not alone!!!
Jones
Thank you for the permanent party invitation - and it made me smile but feel wistful too. The underlying thread of what you were describing is about total acceptance isn't it? A place where people are free to behave as they wish, respectful of others, and where thet are not feel threatened or judged.
I'm staying a while in that place, I'll go and bake another cake.......
starfish
Thank you for the permanent party invitation - and it made me smile but feel wistful too. The underlying thread of what you were describing is about total acceptance isn't it? A place where people are free to behave as they wish, respectful of others, and where thet are not feel threatened or judged.
I'm staying a while in that place, I'll go and bake another cake.......
starfish
I'm just outside, sitting on the deck just outside, my feet in the sand (yeah, i imagine there is a beautiful serene beach next to the house where we are gathered) watching the waves roll in... soaking in the peace and acceptance around me (and not running away!) and enjoying the chance to just celebrate what is good...
Dear AG
It’s been a couple of days since your last session and I hope you are still flying!! That poem really blew me away – how much love there is between you and your T. Hope you don’t mind but I’ve copied it for future reference!! Read your post covering the session several times and have been so moved by the depth of the love, caring and deep interaction between you and your T that I’ve cried! (big deal actually!)
Being new to this forum I don’t know your history but it appears you’ve have come a tremendous distance and are now in a most wonderful place in your life. Said it before, as have many of your friends, your posts are inspirational and insightful.
I hope to get to know you and some of the others who attended your party – many of your posts are so emotionally open and eloquent and though I think I’m a lot older than most of you, you’ve articulated many things that I’ve buried for many years and helped this old duck who has hit a snag a great deal.
Of an age that isn’t comfortable opening up and blogging especially but seeing how you all help each other makes me want to be part of the community!!
Hoping that’s okay with you all.
Morgs
It’s been a couple of days since your last session and I hope you are still flying!! That poem really blew me away – how much love there is between you and your T. Hope you don’t mind but I’ve copied it for future reference!! Read your post covering the session several times and have been so moved by the depth of the love, caring and deep interaction between you and your T that I’ve cried! (big deal actually!)
Being new to this forum I don’t know your history but it appears you’ve have come a tremendous distance and are now in a most wonderful place in your life. Said it before, as have many of your friends, your posts are inspirational and insightful.
I hope to get to know you and some of the others who attended your party – many of your posts are so emotionally open and eloquent and though I think I’m a lot older than most of you, you’ve articulated many things that I’ve buried for many years and helped this old duck who has hit a snag a great deal.
Of an age that isn’t comfortable opening up and blogging especially but seeing how you all help each other makes me want to be part of the community!!
Hoping that’s okay with you all.
Morgs
Welcome Morgs, I don't believe we've "met" yet. Please join in the party!!
Tonight, I brought Sour Patch Watermelon candies. Yummy!
Tonight, I brought Sour Patch Watermelon candies. Yummy!
Thank you very much STRM! Love your openness when you post. I brought some shrimp for the barbie but perhaps that line is more relevant to old fogies(folks)in the US from us Aussies. Not sure about the watermellon - made myself violently unwell as a child pigging on them - haven't touched it since!!!
Be in touch
Morgs
Be in touch
Morgs
AG...thank you for posting about your last session here. Sharing everything with us is a huge and very generous gift, I'm just feeling really grateful for. I loved reading about how your T admitted that the boundaries were frustrating for him, too and how you gave him the bottle of red wine... I have a feeling you picked a very nice vintage...
Beautiful ending...beautiful beginning...beautiful AG.
much love,
BB
Beautiful ending...beautiful beginning...beautiful AG.
much love,
BB
quote:Of an age that isn’t comfortable opening up and blogging especially but seeing how you all help each other makes me want to be part of the community!!
Hoping that’s okay with you all.
Hi Morgs,
Sweetie, I'm no spring chicken! I'm facing 50 squarely in the face so no worries about your age. And of course it's okay with us for you to be part of the community. It's strength lies in what each of us brings to this place and in our sharing it with each other. I'm really glad that you've taken the chance to step out into your discomfort and post. And btw, Shrimp on the barbie? NOTHING says Austrailia to me like that phrase.
Thank you for being so supportive throughout this time. I know how scary it can be when you start posting and I really appreciate all you've said to me.
JD,
Of COURSE there's a beach!! Nothing says peace to me like being on a beach. I'm glad you thought to bring one.
BB,
You know Beebs when you tell I'm beautiful, I can almost believe it.
Thank you.AG