((((draggers))))

I'm so excited to hear what you think!! Do keep a box of tissues nearby, it stirs the soul and shakes out a few tears but I will say that after getting through to the end, I feel enlightened and empowered. I genuinely see things differently. And one of the things I now see differently is that those tears aren't something to be afraid of, that healthy grieving is one of the keys to healing.

I've enjoyed pete walkers website articles about 'the inner critic' and how he explains emotional neglect, but now I see what he's explaining in a clearer light. This book ties together so much understanding for me about the process of how much I carry my parents hateful messages in my mind with me, and how to start really challenging those ingrained beliefs about my worth. My mind is still reeling from all the new information...

I really hope you find it helpful too

Wow, thanks for sharing this, AH. I hadn't realized he'd come out with a book. I downloaded it, and what I've read thus far feels all too familiar. I'm going to have a lot of material to work with my T.

((((outsider))))

I'm so glad it has given you some new food for thought too! I really feel like it's an indescribable feeling to read something that just 'fits' for your experience, and articulates things that have been just out of reach for so long. I really hope the best for you working through the ideas with your T

Thanks for the heads-up AH. I didn't realize that Pete Walker had written a second book. I've long been a reader and supporter of his. His articles have helped me immensely. I just ordered this new book for my Kindle and already read the first chapter. I look forward to reading more and possibly using some of the topics to open further discussions with my T.

Hey draggers... glad you are reading it too and finding it helpful.

Hugs
TN

(((draggers))) I'm so glad you are finding it helpful too!! (SO sad that it resonates with your experiences so much though ) I felt the same way about it being 'this is your life' and it does feel so strange to see it all put into words. And on the 4F section I wrote out what each of my family members are. It is so bizarre how we all fell into a category it seems- dad: fight, mom: freeze, brother: flight, me: I'm a HUGE fawn. I am glad you had an experience of feeling belonging in your body, and I really hope you continue to have more of those feelings of inner peace, you definitely deserve that love for yourself!



(((TN))) I love that you have read his stuff for so long, it makes me feel all the more confident in him that he's helped you so much in the past. I haven't seen his stuff for very long but it seems like the first article on his website I read hit home SO much. Did you read 'The Tao of fully feeling'? I saw that was his first book I guess? and he refers to it a few times in this one, I've started to wonder if I should check that out too. I can't wait to hear what you think of this one too!

Hi there,

Thanks for recommending the book. I bought it and read the first half enthusiastically. It really hit home in ways that were helpful, but also triggering. I haven't been able to go back to it, but I hope that I can finish it soon.

Saka

It turned out to be pretty triggering for me, too, Saka, and as a result I had a pretty major rupture with my T. One step forward, one million steps back.

I'm not quite sure I can keep trying.

I'm sorry it hurt you guys I didn't want it to make things worse

I felt triggered and had to stop and start, but once I finished I realized the helpfulness. I put more warning in original post in case it's just too triggering, I'm very sorry it was hurtful

Oh, ((((AH))), you didn't do anything but let us know that the book was there. And I am glad that you did.

This is part of the journey, right? It's hard because (speaking for myself) this book resonated so deeply. My T will be the first to point out how entrenched my denial is and how hard I fight what is clear to him. And this book just echoed what he said and made it hard to close off.

As for the rupture, it's like any workout or training -- in order to get stronger, we have to continuously tear and rebuild our muscles. It hurts and I don't want to go back, but I will. And we'll get through this one together.

If only there were another way...

(((PW))) Thank you for letting me know, I don't want to hurt anyone. I know exactly what you mean about it resonating so deeply is very painful. It does hurt very much to see the wounds. The work out metaphor is so fitting, the process just... hurts

I feel like some of the discoveries along the journey feel a lot worse before they start feeling better. I do hope the best for you and T through the rupture and things feel better soon. Thinking of you

There's no need to apologise AH. I'm glad you shared the book - I've learned a lot from it. I just need to take it in in small doses so that I don't get overwhelmed. . I'm going to try to talk to my T about some of it tomorrow. I've had a lot of triggering stuf happening lately, so it could be a big session!

Saka

(((saka))) I'm wishing you the best tomorrow, I hope there is some healing from your session. I agree that small doses are necessary, you are very wise to go gently and reach out to T along the way. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow

Thanks AH for your well wishes and hugs. I'd send you a hug back, but I'm emoticon challenged!! I posted an update on my session in the sensitive issues forum. I'm not sure if you read that, but it felt safer than having it out in the open.

Thanks again,
Saka

This book is amazing - and so very accurate. I can see that I have those emotional flashbacks all the time. I was aware of the obvious massive ones (difficult to not notice you are squashed into a small space behind the sofa sobbing...), but I can see that my daily emotional reactions are actually the same thing only more internally contained. Have only read the first couple of chapters, and hoping the book will help me regulate all this.

Thanks so much for recommending this book!

SB

(((s-b))) You're welcome, I hope it helps and brings some relief to the flashbacks!

OH my goodness AH - it made so much sense of my flashbacks. I realised just a couple of weeks back reading something that was probably signposted here, that the HUGE flashbacks that leave me scrunched up sobbing behind the sofa are emotional flashbacks. I feel so little, frightened and abandoned (they happen when I am alone or at night when my family are asleep). No pictures - just pure emotion. I just took this as me being 'crazy' (and dissociative). Makes more sense now!

However, much of the time I am experiencing lower level emotional flashbacks - which interfere massively with life. It is seeing that which is so very helpful. It gives me a safe framework to view myself within, if that makes any sense?

Trying to read it slowly - but I'm still going too fast.

SB

((s-b)) I'm so sorry you go through that although I am really glad things are making more sense and there are terms to the feelings, which does provide a framework. I had a hard time pacing myself, I did stop and start at some tough parts for sure, but also couldn't put it down when I got to parts that really resonated.

Have put the book down for a few days. I was getting a bit spaced out and unable to cope. Also I have a cough\cold thing going, so better to just pull back and not 'work' on things - give my body a break.

Hope you are doing ok AH.