I can empathize with you Ang, talking about attachment with the person in which you are attached feels so uncomfortable!

Honestly, in my experience, the only way I was able to work through it with T is to talk about it. It felt awkward, and I was quite uncomfortable bringing up, it just didn't make sense to me that I was feeling so drawn to my T, someone who wasn't related to me, who I knew little about, and who was paid to help me. It didn't make any sense!

What I learned through talking about it is, at least for me, in order to trust my T, I needed to know that T was there for me, no matter what. I tested Ts patience to see how long she'd put up with me. I tested her ability to tolerate me, and all sorts of other things. As I saw how T handled things, and realized T was truly going to be there, then the attachment started kicking in, and I found myself constantly thinking about T.

When it got to the point where I couldn't bear it any longer, and the fear of losing T got to be more than I could handle, I finally cracked and talked about it with T. She explained that attachment is perfectly normal, and actually very helpful in building the T relationship and working through the tough situations, because in letting myself get attached, I was going into that foundational level of safety and security. Feeling that way with T, and talking about it with her, has helped me become more comfortable in general.

For me to bring the subject up, I actually wrote a letter to my T and handed it to her at the beginning of my appointment. I couldn't speak it as my fear took over, which I anticipated, so I wrote it out, complete with questions about what was wrong with me, and how could I get rid of the feelings. T was really helpful and calm and patient and kind as she explained how ok the attachment was, and how normal it really is in therapeutic situations - I mean we pour our hearts out to our Ts, how can we not, at some point, start to get attached?!

I don't know if this helps or not, but know you aren't alone, and yes, it is perfectly normal!

I was about to write out my experience of this and read R2G's account above and I could have written it word-for-word. I did everything she said!!!!!

It takes time, it takes ruptures, it takes a truck load of heartache, pain and misery. It is a gradual process (for me) and by my T being consistent and giving me what i needed - i now feel attached. Talking through that pain has and still is very painful. Me telling her that I needed her - just about killed me. But now I can say it to her face - still with some embarrassment, but I am proud of myself for being honest. I can tell her and email or text her and say I am missing you a lot today. I am proud of myself for a) feeling that b) knowing what that is and c) actually telling my T.

Talking about it, admitting it is the key.

I think my T had been patiently waiting 8 months for me to say to her that I missed her... Poor old, patient, wonderful T of mine. I think I was devastated to have to admit it and tell her and I think she was overjoyed to hear the words. She was doing everything for nearly a year to be there so I would attach and I was doing everything in my power to push her away and deny the attachment. What a crooked dance we played.

Talk, talk, talk.
Somedays