Hi dolphinac, hello Scotland, I'm from Gaelic neighbourhood, although originally I'm from different part of Europe.
Sorry to hear that things are so difficult in your life and your P seems not to make it any easier, but I believe she does it to push you and motivate you to get stronger. I know 6 months souns like a lot of time. I don't know how I would feel if my T suddenly told me that I won't be able to see him for the next 6 months. That would be just horrible. It's sort of beyond my imagination right now.
But then maybe there is a chance that she could review it earlier if she sees that you've done so much hard work?
I believe she is right when she means that you should be taking your medication, and I've read that when you take antidepressants you can't drink alcohol at all. I believe she needs to push you to make some changes and it's very important for you and her. What do you think?
i think she is pushing me into a response one way or other yes. trying to get me to "toe the line" in a sense because she knows i want to talk to her. i agree too with the medication and alcohol. i can see full well that the two dont mix, i know it very well. but, always a but, 6 months is too long to wait. 3-4 would have been easier, but 6 seems like forever. i just dont know yet if i can wait that long. im hoping that when i start taking these medications they will work this time. i will stick to them. maybe ill feel differently then. maybe i wont even need to see her again at all! there are a lot of maybe's in my head right now though and my internal "saboteur" is in overdrive again! so i have a battle going on in my head.
i realise that my behaviour has got me into the mess im in. i realise that i am resposible for my actions and need to show the will to change to those around me who care for me, this includes my family and my mental health team. i realise i need to listen out for the keys of transference my p gave me and try to understand myself. if i understand myself then maybe i will then be able to come to understand my depression. my illness. my lack of progress.
i believe i am on the right track now.
my p told me my liver function test was still too high. i saw my gp today and asked about it. it was 234 back in march. this has reduced significantly to 84 in july. i asked for another test. i have cut down on my alcohol intake. this next test will prove that. i have now decided however to not drink at all. its as much as for myself as for anyone asking me to. i want to be alcohol free completely. i cannot say i dont drink much to anyone and expect them to believe me without proof that i dont because of my past. i cant hide from a blood test as alcohol levels wich raise your liver enzymes take a while to reduce. i didnt drink before every day but i did abuse alcohol when i was really really down.
i love this site, i can come online, post a bit about myself, read back on changes i have gone through and am in the company of truly inspirational people. thanks for being there.
i believe i am on the right track now.
my p told me my liver function test was still too high. i saw my gp today and asked about it. it was 234 back in march. this has reduced significantly to 84 in july. i asked for another test. i have cut down on my alcohol intake. this next test will prove that. i have now decided however to not drink at all. its as much as for myself as for anyone asking me to. i want to be alcohol free completely. i cannot say i dont drink much to anyone and expect them to believe me without proof that i dont because of my past. i cant hide from a blood test as alcohol levels wich raise your liver enzymes take a while to reduce. i didnt drink before every day but i did abuse alcohol when i was really really down.
i love this site, i can come online, post a bit about myself, read back on changes i have gone through and am in the company of truly inspirational people. thanks for being there.
hi everyone, i havent posted for a while but i thought i would update today.
a lot has happened since my last post when i think about it. i see it as being mostly positive though.
firstly i am still waiting on medication being prescribed to me. my gp is waiting on a letter from my p to tell her which one.
secondly i have chosen to abstain completely from alcohol, this is easy, i believe i was in the habit of having a weekend drink with my hubby. so no issues there.
i have an appointment soon with my gp where i will find out the results of my liver tests where i am self assured it will be lower again than the last one in july. this will prove what i have told them, that i had been drinking less since march last year.
i see my p in may and keep on seeing my cpn every couple of weeks.
i have been enrolled at my local college where i am going once a week in the evening to do a course. it is an introduction to counseling. im about 5 weeks into it, it is truly enlightening and i have found myself looking forward to it. something i havent felt in a long time. i do realise i have to be careful as there will and have been a few triggering moments already but i have coped with that and am determined to continue to do so. i know that both my p and my cpn dont think its a good idea because of this danger but i feel able to take this risk. i have found that what i am learning is helping me understand myself and others. i have not disclosed to anyone that i am depressed, and i havent disclosed my problems either. i find it great to go there and feel like the old me again. and not the new me where i am a mental health patient.
i start a course of CBT on wednesday too. i am a bit apprehensive about it but at the same time i want to try and motivate myself more. i will try. i want to. i am trying to keep my internal saboteur at bay!
my cpn told me that my p wants me to have more structure in my life by either volunteering or getting a part time job. i know deep down that i should, but i dont know what i want to do. i know that i am not ready to go back to work yet. so i have been looking for a volunteering position which would suit me. i havent found one yet, but at least im looking.
i just feel so low a lot of the time. amidst all this positive stuff going on my energy levels fluctuate up and down. i am totaly drained after college but at the same time i want to go. my mood is just really low. and im scared it will all turn out wrong, that ill mess it up somehow.
a lot has happened since my last post when i think about it. i see it as being mostly positive though.
firstly i am still waiting on medication being prescribed to me. my gp is waiting on a letter from my p to tell her which one.
secondly i have chosen to abstain completely from alcohol, this is easy, i believe i was in the habit of having a weekend drink with my hubby. so no issues there.
i have an appointment soon with my gp where i will find out the results of my liver tests where i am self assured it will be lower again than the last one in july. this will prove what i have told them, that i had been drinking less since march last year.
i see my p in may and keep on seeing my cpn every couple of weeks.
i have been enrolled at my local college where i am going once a week in the evening to do a course. it is an introduction to counseling. im about 5 weeks into it, it is truly enlightening and i have found myself looking forward to it. something i havent felt in a long time. i do realise i have to be careful as there will and have been a few triggering moments already but i have coped with that and am determined to continue to do so. i know that both my p and my cpn dont think its a good idea because of this danger but i feel able to take this risk. i have found that what i am learning is helping me understand myself and others. i have not disclosed to anyone that i am depressed, and i havent disclosed my problems either. i find it great to go there and feel like the old me again. and not the new me where i am a mental health patient.
i start a course of CBT on wednesday too. i am a bit apprehensive about it but at the same time i want to try and motivate myself more. i will try. i want to. i am trying to keep my internal saboteur at bay!
my cpn told me that my p wants me to have more structure in my life by either volunteering or getting a part time job. i know deep down that i should, but i dont know what i want to do. i know that i am not ready to go back to work yet. so i have been looking for a volunteering position which would suit me. i havent found one yet, but at least im looking.
i just feel so low a lot of the time. amidst all this positive stuff going on my energy levels fluctuate up and down. i am totaly drained after college but at the same time i want to go. my mood is just really low. and im scared it will all turn out wrong, that ill mess it up somehow.
Hi Dolphinac your post is inspiring and uplifting. You have made some amazing changes and it sounds like they are having a positive impact on you. You are very brave and you should be so proud of yourself.
Re the volunteer work - not sure if it would be available where you are, but would you be interested in working at a local primary school doing things like reading to little kids, listening to them read that sort of thing? I did that a lot when my kids were in primary school and it was very rewarding.
Re the volunteer work - not sure if it would be available where you are, but would you be interested in working at a local primary school doing things like reading to little kids, listening to them read that sort of thing? I did that a lot when my kids were in primary school and it was very rewarding.
thank you Halo. i am so appreciative for your reply, it was so nice of you to say that. thank you. i would love to work with children in some capacity. i have sent out an email to a local organisation to help kids in my local area who need some respite themselves and have done this before too in the past. i found it very rewarding so i hope that i can help in some way again.
i suppose i have to admit to myself that i have came a long way in the last few months. there has been a definite shift within me. this has happened because i want to learn and understand everything. i started asking more questions and tried to really understand the answers. i am still learning and am at the beginning now. but i am happier as i am actually listening now whereas before, i heard but didn't listen.
the only problem though is that now i seem to have opened my Pandora's box wider. i now have memories and flashbacks of things that i had buried deep within me coming bubbling to the surface. most of this is from my childhood but i do realize the importance of how it has affected me all my life. i now have horrible anxiety again alongside my depression and its scary. i do hope though that the medication will help me when i have started it soon and that i will now continue to be able to talk about things too because it does help. i have finally allowed myself to trust the people around me who have been trying to help me all this time. college helps too because it has given me more confidence and a deeper understanding of myself and those around me. but it also has given me "me" back a little bit. its the first time i have felt like me in a long time. it is just scary swinging back and forth though between positive and negative and trying to keep grounded with everything so i don't fall if you know what i mean.
all i want is me back again. i hope i find her.
i suppose i have to admit to myself that i have came a long way in the last few months. there has been a definite shift within me. this has happened because i want to learn and understand everything. i started asking more questions and tried to really understand the answers. i am still learning and am at the beginning now. but i am happier as i am actually listening now whereas before, i heard but didn't listen.
the only problem though is that now i seem to have opened my Pandora's box wider. i now have memories and flashbacks of things that i had buried deep within me coming bubbling to the surface. most of this is from my childhood but i do realize the importance of how it has affected me all my life. i now have horrible anxiety again alongside my depression and its scary. i do hope though that the medication will help me when i have started it soon and that i will now continue to be able to talk about things too because it does help. i have finally allowed myself to trust the people around me who have been trying to help me all this time. college helps too because it has given me more confidence and a deeper understanding of myself and those around me. but it also has given me "me" back a little bit. its the first time i have felt like me in a long time. it is just scary swinging back and forth though between positive and negative and trying to keep grounded with everything so i don't fall if you know what i mean.
all i want is me back again. i hope i find her.
Hi dolphinac 
I know what you mean. At least here we have someone to share our journey with - to celebrate the positives, support us through the negatives and keep giving us the ongoing encouragement needed to face a journey of healing so we can ultimately reach a state of inner happiness.
Take care
I'm Ok
quote:it is just scary swinging back and forth though between positive and negative and trying to keep grounded with everything so i don't fall if you know what i mean.
I know what you mean. At least here we have someone to share our journey with - to celebrate the positives, support us through the negatives and keep giving us the ongoing encouragement needed to face a journey of healing so we can ultimately reach a state of inner happiness.
Take care
I'm Ok
hi everyone,
i have been prescribed trazodone 50mg. i tried it before but only for a short time. so here goes another. i believe im in a better frame of mind where i have accepted that i am hopeful it will work if i take it as i am supposed to unlike the last time. if it does help with my insomnia, anxiety and depression then it can only be a good thing for me. after all that i have been through over the last few months i am trying to see this as a step in the right direction where i am trying to not let my internal saboteur spoil my chances of feeling better by trusting my p and my gp.
i am a little bit concerned at the possible side effects though. i had a long qt interval after i used this before as what ill call an extra ingredient before. a recent ecg showed that all is ok now and no signs of this but she is sending me for another one soon once i have been on it for a couple of weeks because there is a risk of trazodone causing heart arrhythmias. so because of my history shes made me an appointment already. i hate hospitals and loath going but i will dutifully go albeit a bit reluctantly.
is anyone here on this medication? if so how do you find it? has it helped?
i have been prescribed trazodone 50mg. i tried it before but only for a short time. so here goes another. i believe im in a better frame of mind where i have accepted that i am hopeful it will work if i take it as i am supposed to unlike the last time. if it does help with my insomnia, anxiety and depression then it can only be a good thing for me. after all that i have been through over the last few months i am trying to see this as a step in the right direction where i am trying to not let my internal saboteur spoil my chances of feeling better by trusting my p and my gp.
i am a little bit concerned at the possible side effects though. i had a long qt interval after i used this before as what ill call an extra ingredient before. a recent ecg showed that all is ok now and no signs of this but she is sending me for another one soon once i have been on it for a couple of weeks because there is a risk of trazodone causing heart arrhythmias. so because of my history shes made me an appointment already. i hate hospitals and loath going but i will dutifully go albeit a bit reluctantly.
is anyone here on this medication? if so how do you find it? has it helped?
Hello there Dolphinac
I’ve been reading your thread with interest and it sounds like you are really getting yourself together (despite having to wait another few months before getting to see your P).
Sorry I don’t know anything about Trazodone, except that it’s a form of anti-depressant. But that made me wonder what your P thought about the diagnosis you thought you might have had, bipolar 2? Did she confirm that at all or help you understand about the symptoms you were seeing in yourself? Have to say I was a bit appalled at how long you had to wait between the session with your P and actually being able to start the new medication. NHS wheels seem sometimes to turn so very slowly I think they’ve gotten derailed!
I’m glad you had the option of starting CBT too - I felt so bad for you thinking you had to wait months before you could talk to someone properly about what was going on inside you. Are you still doing the CBT? How is it going?
You seem to have come a long way since starting this thread - I’m glad for you! And good luck with the hospital tests.
Lamplighter
I’ve been reading your thread with interest and it sounds like you are really getting yourself together (despite having to wait another few months before getting to see your P).
Sorry I don’t know anything about Trazodone, except that it’s a form of anti-depressant. But that made me wonder what your P thought about the diagnosis you thought you might have had, bipolar 2? Did she confirm that at all or help you understand about the symptoms you were seeing in yourself? Have to say I was a bit appalled at how long you had to wait between the session with your P and actually being able to start the new medication. NHS wheels seem sometimes to turn so very slowly I think they’ve gotten derailed!
I’m glad you had the option of starting CBT too - I felt so bad for you thinking you had to wait months before you could talk to someone properly about what was going on inside you. Are you still doing the CBT? How is it going?
You seem to have come a long way since starting this thread - I’m glad for you! And good luck with the hospital tests.
Lamplighter
my p believes i have not got bipolar 2. she says it is depression and anxiety with a couple of traits of bpd. i agree with this where i believe that there can be traits in all of us on the planet! i have not had a chance to understand everything completely yet i am beginning to make a lot of connections. college and cbt is helping that alongside talking more openly to my cpn and my husband.
a big prt of me is on the mend i think yet there is another part of me which feels that it will all come crashing down at some point. you see there is still a big difference in me where i know deep down what the solutions to my problems are but it is a different matter entirely to stay motivated to work towards carrying them out. i still feel down and have good and bad days with it but i realise that thats the illness and i need to give it time with the medication. i just worry that it wont work. but then thats my internal saboteur talking again. thats one of my biggest problems that i face everyday and one that is getting quieter but its still there. im managing it better now and that i think is down to a couple of things, one is gaining insight, second is gaining knowledge and the third is trusting health professionals.
a big prt of me is on the mend i think yet there is another part of me which feels that it will all come crashing down at some point. you see there is still a big difference in me where i know deep down what the solutions to my problems are but it is a different matter entirely to stay motivated to work towards carrying them out. i still feel down and have good and bad days with it but i realise that thats the illness and i need to give it time with the medication. i just worry that it wont work. but then thats my internal saboteur talking again. thats one of my biggest problems that i face everyday and one that is getting quieter but its still there. im managing it better now and that i think is down to a couple of things, one is gaining insight, second is gaining knowledge and the third is trusting health professionals.