( this writing is to help me figure out stuff- if you can figure out stuff for me- that would be good too. I dont thik it makes sense though

I am writing this in an effort to ground myself. I dont know what is going on. I am so confused.
These are the facts-
Someone I dated so very long ago has come back into my life and at first it was all goood- just catching up ... but then he says that he that he has always been in love with me- and that he still is. I walked away from the relationship abruptly when we were teenagers (in college) but I don't remember why. This is just something I did over and over when someone just got too close to me. He is married and has 3 kids, I am married and and have two kids. i am not in a happy marriage and he wants to promice me the world and take care of me. He has a wife and two kids. I can't do this. At first- hearing how much i am loved by him was nice, but something happened today and I don't know what triggered me badly.
He is a spiritual person, in a different way from my T, but he was the first person to tell me about Christ. At the time I listened, but did not take it in really.
He flew to the Bahamas with his wife for 2 days- (Who does that?) And continues to send me stuff- How much he loves me... and how great it is that I am back in his life...
I told him- I can't do do this- we can carry on as platonic friends but that is all- we are both married... and he came on stronger about us. and how Important I have always been- and that his whole family knows about me and how thingw would have been if I hadnt run away, and how much pain I caused him, and , and, and ...
And I thik I am making myself responsible for his pain. But I was thinking that I was growing and that I could just see this through without running and I can't- It is to overwhelming and my T is going to call me back soon i hope. i don't think i can do nurturing if that is what it is- i can;t have someone care for me, like that. It is too confusing for me. I am going to cut and paste his words -

I will respect your wishes....something must have happened to you internally to all of a sudden make a 180 degree turn around? You are right I do not get it. But that is ok. When I accepted you as a friend I knew that getting to know you again was going to take time and patience. I hope maybe you will respond to this post. I once again hope you don't run. I can help......

but he is wrong- he can't help he is only adding to the pain and I hope my T calls me soon. Please call me soon, T.
I am confused and triggered and sad, but I am not in danger- I thought I should mention that.

This all sort of started as a by product of therapy- contact people in my life, that I hurt- by my behavior- sort of make ammends ( forgiveness or not was completely up to them- not necesserarily part of the plan- but to hear it would be ok) I just wanted to make sure they were ok, because they had once been important to me. this plan of mine worked well with 3 people before this person, but I knew that this person had been especially dear to me.

Since writing is therapy for me- it works to ground me- I thought I would write out what I know. And you know- it is working.
Somehow this is triggering something strong, but I don't yet know what. T- where are you?

I tried to call t at lunch- but no service where I work, so I was going to my car- but it was pouring rain, then my phome was dead.
Any way i am done rambeling. and feeling a little better.

But i am so sorry that I contacted this person, in the first place.