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Consult and Boundaries

T tasMember
Hey there to everyone Smiler I have been laying low because I have been having some challenges...but I check in from time to time to read up and see how everyone is...

I made an appointment to consult with another Therapist...thinking I know what it is I need so I was convinced I would find what it is I need...someone who was a little more flexible in their boundaries, etc.

Well, while I was making the appointment, she asked how I heard about her. I mentioned a colleagues name and she mentioned what she was working on with them..."I am trying to get him to have some filters." After that statement, I told her I needed her to keep in confidence that I was seeing her and why I would be seeing her. She said she would.

During the meeting, she took a phone call to confirm plans for going out to dinner. Now, everyone is different, but these two incidents made me wonder just how loose her boundaries were. She was very nice but I couldn't help compare this experience with the experience I have had with the current Therapist I am seeing.

He has never answered the phone during a session and he certainly has never divulged what he is working on with other clients. Matter of fact, he never states anything rarely about his other clients.

I can say I have fought his boundaries every step of the way, but I noticed the glaring difference in regards to the two different approaches to boundaries and I can honestly say I feel safer with his approach than her approach.

Seeing this makes me feel like such a hypocrite. I have given him so much grief, emphatically believing I am right, only to truly see through experience, sometimes we truly don't know what it is we need, even when we are thoroughly convinced.

Thanks for listening. Sending hugs and warmth to all who are enduring personal challenges.

T.
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closeddoorscloseddoorsMember
good to see you, ((((TAS))))!
i've wondered about you from time to time and how you're doing, and what you've been up to.
i think it was a good idea to consult another T or two or three. it sounds like the one you've met with had some "loose" boundaries compared to what you're used to, and that now that you've seen the other side of the fence that you're feeling a little safer with your original T. i get that, even though i've never (as and adult) seen another T.

TAS, please don't judge yourself harshly. you're not a hypocrite, you just didn't know the differences in approaches. if you try to push your T in one direction that does not make you "wrong". you're just trying to create a reality that you are either used to, or perhaps wish it were something you were used to. your T is challenging that, and maybe that is the crux of your issues in therapy, that you're not used to being challenged, and your T does indeed challenge you.

what do i know? it's good to see you back, TAS. Smiler
beccabeccaMember
Hey TAS, I was just thinking about you the other and I was wondering how you were doing. I think we don't know what we need lots of times, but I certainly don't think you are a hypocrite. Your T has extremely strict boundaries, that's how he works. I can honestly say my T has never ever answered her phone during our session and she very rarely mentions other clients to me but I can call her between sessions. I only leave a voicemail and vent, which she is accepting of. Sometimes I ask for a call back and she always does. Every once in awhile I ask for an extra session and she will give it me.

I guess what I am saying is that this consult T sounds like the complete opposite of your T. There can be a T though, who has strict boundaries like mine, but not to the degree of yours. I am not trying to say you should jump from your T no matter what, I just know how utterly frustrated you become with him. I would not be able to handle his degree of firmness. That's just me.

Anyway it was really good to see you posting. I hope all is well. Take care.
T tasMember
CD: Thank you for your reply Smiler

"TAS, please don't judge yourself harshly. you're not a hypocrite, you just didn't know the differences in approaches. if you try to push your T in one direction that does not make you "wrong". you're just trying to create a reality that you are either used to, or perhaps wish it were something you were used to. your T is challenging that, and maybe that is the crux of your issues in therapy, that you're not used to being challenged, and your T does indeed challenge you."

He does challenge me, stand up to me...even though I despise this, there is something within me that respects him because he won't let me run all over him (have my way all the time).

There was another Therapist I met with...he wasn't the neatest. His office was so, so dusty...and his one shoe was untied when I met him...and he didn't tie it at all during the time I was seeing him for a consult...it is funny what triggers us...I don't like chaos in any form...and a dirty office makes me feel dirty...

I didn't go back to see him...so I go consult with different Therapists and it seems each time I do so...I end up seeing the Therapist in a more positive way...maybe I just need to keep scheduling consults...maybe that is the key to me getting to the place where I like him Wink

Thanks for chatting and thanks for thinking of me Smiler T.
T tasMember
Becca Smiler Thank you for your reply!

I have been doing okay. I am just trying to find my way through this journey. I hope you are well Smiler

You are right...sometimes we truly don't know what we need...that in itself can be frustrating. I guess we keep looking until something resonates within us.

Either way, it will work out. I just have to keep going.

SmilerT.

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