I was discussing this topic on someone else's thread and I thought it would be best to start a new thread.
I will just start with saying that contact between therapy sessions is a big issue for me right now. Anyone else?
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I know it is strange that when the last one called me DAILY I became indifferent to it. Makes me think that I am interested in what I can not have. Not sure what to make of it but there's something to it I am sure.
As far as her rules of contact with me verses others. I am not sure because I don't know what kind of contact she has with others. She does seem to pride herself on keeping all of her convesations with clients as short as possible. I know that sounds terrible but she really isn't terrible. At first I found that to be a real put off but over time I am beginning to understand that her intentions are not bad or whatever. It's confusing. But it has become a BIG issue for me right now. I would love to avoid it but it's unavoidable.
EDIT (Added text)
Just wanted to add that over time she has become a little more generous with her time with me. She is not so harsh about it. I think she understands that there are times when I am in severe emotional, psychological pain and that I need the help. She even says that she knows I need more but that she can't give it to me because of time constraints. I have turned to other sources to get more of my needs met around this. I am in a 3xs a week therapy group and just started DBT. Now that the weather is nicer I am also going to get more involved in things outside of therapy.
That was a huge edit lol
As far as her rules of contact with me verses others. I am not sure because I don't know what kind of contact she has with others. She does seem to pride herself on keeping all of her convesations with clients as short as possible. I know that sounds terrible but she really isn't terrible. At first I found that to be a real put off but over time I am beginning to understand that her intentions are not bad or whatever. It's confusing. But it has become a BIG issue for me right now. I would love to avoid it but it's unavoidable.
EDIT (Added text)
Just wanted to add that over time she has become a little more generous with her time with me. She is not so harsh about it. I think she understands that there are times when I am in severe emotional, psychological pain and that I need the help. She even says that she knows I need more but that she can't give it to me because of time constraints. I have turned to other sources to get more of my needs met around this. I am in a 3xs a week therapy group and just started DBT. Now that the weather is nicer I am also going to get more involved in things outside of therapy.
That was a huge edit lol
((((TURTLE))))
That makes so much sense. I often think that too. My T was pretty distant for a long while and it caused me to develop some serious symptoms. He's moved closer and things have improved. If he started to call me every day, I'd probably lose interest too. LOL!
quote:Makes me think that I am interested in what I can not have.
That makes so much sense. I often think that too. My T was pretty distant for a long while and it caused me to develop some serious symptoms. He's moved closer and things have improved. If he started to call me every day, I'd probably lose interest too. LOL!
quote:If he started to call me every day, I'd probably lose interest too. LOL!
Lol Yeah it's sort of that goldielock's syndrome. Has to be just right to keep us strung along working on the issues we need to work on!
The truth is that other T did some other things prior to calling me every day that had already put me off. For one thing she treated therapy sessions like a time for chit chat. If I did bring up anything that was more serious she'd change the subject. All in all I would say that she was a crappy therapist. I was glad to leave her!
quote:Makes me think that I am interested in what I can not have.
(((turtle))) i think that's super insightful and i'm seriously thinking that's why therapy is such a big kick. i think the longer i was in therapy (just short of 2 years) the more the longing for something but i could never put my finger on what the longing was. it was not sexual. i don't know what it was but i know it hurt like hell. and yet i wonder if there was even an attempt at fulfilling that longing would that satisfy then longing, or would i look at it and say "that's it? no ... that's not what i was longing for after all ... what i meant was ..." and round and round. do you know what i mean?
so now i'm wondering ... why do we (I) do that? what could you possibly benefit by doing that? this is not a rhetorical question, by the way ...
My therapy journey started pretty quickly with my T breaking a major boundary I have/had and I had to let her know in no uncertain terms what my expectations of outside contact are (none initiated from her, and I will let her know definitively if I would like a contact back).
Turtle I can imagine it was really weird after a while having your T calling you all the time and just... chit chatting in therapy. Weird. I'm glad you are away from there, especially since you are describing her as a crappy T for you.
My current T now... we contact eachother fluidly, often enough. The same with my other T when I am not triggered by her.
How long were your calls with your T going when you would get to talk to her? Am just curious, s'ok to ignore.
I'm very much cheering on the sidelines that DBT group will work out for you... I loved it.
Maybe you want it now (the contact) because it does feel safer. I don't know if Ts string us along so to speak but I do think they try to keep within their own boundaries/availability while also trying to consider what we can psychically handle.
I had a very emotion filled talk with T2 today about our outside contact, which was failing despite my efforts to do so anyway so that I cam build back from a rupture... My T seems to say yes to almost anything, or will say nothing... and then do something random she perceives I need. Today with what I asked her for what I wanted, she didn't reply much (like with a yes/no, what her actual orientation as a T is there). She just simply said she was not doing it because she "knew" it would trigger me so she was respecting *my* boundaries. Well, she didn't/doesn't know my boundaries with her right now and I explained a new thing we have sort of done before could be effective and that... I get triggered either way, and I can handle that, I can call for clarification, I can have forgiveness for the medium we are communicating over. I need her to trust me to manage me, as much as i'm trying to manager her because I feel like she has no cue how to be a therapist for me at times.
Anyhow, sorry for the tangent, turtle. Contact between therapy is a nightmare. I feel so alone, and so abandoned by something my T (T2) did and continues to do. She's still opening to listening, but I don't know how to make it better... right now I feel like I can ask for whatever and my T doesn't have a no button. Well, she flipped out on me (something she admits was poo from her personal life raining down on me and I ended up getting smacked with it where it didn't belong - she tries to explain this (or re-apologize which I tell her it's definitely not what I want). I try to figure out what I want and just can't. And I'll ask for stuff or talk about stuff my other T does in a contextual basis and I've told her this several times it's not a petty dig to make her change, it's explaining something. She did that once before with something and I was like... no. I was not asking you to do xyz because T1 does xyz... I will ASK YOU for what I can have and tell you what I want.
Ugh sorry
I'm probably being so unhelpful, but turtle I totally understand... I lose interest the second I feel like my T has no boundaries if I hadn't already lost my interested because they were (judged/projected) to be incompetent. This whole outside contact stuff is just brutal.
Anyway it is hard to think about what we can't have
Right now I am putting faith in T1 to help guide me with where to go and how to proceed. Sorry to ramble, I'm very emotional today.
keep strong, turtle!
Turtle I can imagine it was really weird after a while having your T calling you all the time and just... chit chatting in therapy. Weird. I'm glad you are away from there, especially since you are describing her as a crappy T for you.
My current T now... we contact eachother fluidly, often enough. The same with my other T when I am not triggered by her.
How long were your calls with your T going when you would get to talk to her? Am just curious, s'ok to ignore.
I'm very much cheering on the sidelines that DBT group will work out for you... I loved it.
Maybe you want it now (the contact) because it does feel safer. I don't know if Ts string us along so to speak but I do think they try to keep within their own boundaries/availability while also trying to consider what we can psychically handle.
I had a very emotion filled talk with T2 today about our outside contact, which was failing despite my efforts to do so anyway so that I cam build back from a rupture... My T seems to say yes to almost anything, or will say nothing... and then do something random she perceives I need. Today with what I asked her for what I wanted, she didn't reply much (like with a yes/no, what her actual orientation as a T is there). She just simply said she was not doing it because she "knew" it would trigger me so she was respecting *my* boundaries. Well, she didn't/doesn't know my boundaries with her right now and I explained a new thing we have sort of done before could be effective and that... I get triggered either way, and I can handle that, I can call for clarification, I can have forgiveness for the medium we are communicating over. I need her to trust me to manage me, as much as i'm trying to manager her because I feel like she has no cue how to be a therapist for me at times.
Anyhow, sorry for the tangent, turtle. Contact between therapy is a nightmare. I feel so alone, and so abandoned by something my T (T2) did and continues to do. She's still opening to listening, but I don't know how to make it better... right now I feel like I can ask for whatever and my T doesn't have a no button. Well, she flipped out on me (something she admits was poo from her personal life raining down on me and I ended up getting smacked with it where it didn't belong - she tries to explain this (or re-apologize which I tell her it's definitely not what I want). I try to figure out what I want and just can't. And I'll ask for stuff or talk about stuff my other T does in a contextual basis and I've told her this several times it's not a petty dig to make her change, it's explaining something. She did that once before with something and I was like... no. I was not asking you to do xyz because T1 does xyz... I will ASK YOU for what I can have and tell you what I want.
Ugh sorry
I'm probably being so unhelpful, but turtle I totally understand... I lose interest the second I feel like my T has no boundaries if I hadn't already lost my interested because they were (judged/projected) to be incompetent. This whole outside contact stuff is just brutal. Anyway it is hard to think about what we can't have
Right now I am putting faith in T1 to help guide me with where to go and how to proceed. Sorry to ramble, I'm very emotional today. keep strong, turtle!
Hey Turtle, I am sort of going through this right now with my T. I get all revved up with panic and I call her voicemail and just vent. She has told me at times she has wanted to call me back but wasn't sure if she should. I have told her not to call me unless I ask her to.
We are going through a thing for the past while of trying to figure out this longing or wanting that I have. CD brought up something I worry about. What if, after we find it or figure it out, it doesn't go away? What is the point then?
I know I need more contact between, but I HATE asking for it. Due to financial issues I can't go often, so maybe I should just put away the pride and ask for a little.
Sorry to go off. I just wanted to say that I get how you feel.
We are going through a thing for the past while of trying to figure out this longing or wanting that I have. CD brought up something I worry about. What if, after we find it or figure it out, it doesn't go away? What is the point then?
I know I need more contact between, but I HATE asking for it. Due to financial issues I can't go often, so maybe I should just put away the pride and ask for a little.
Sorry to go off. I just wanted to say that I get how you feel.
Thanks you guys for responding. I am so tired. I will rest and come back here to reply. Love ya all
When I started with T I could email or text when I needed to and he was pretty good at acknowledging my communication. A few momths ago he suggested it might be doing more harm than good and started to discourage it. He firmly believes this is for my benefit.
Of late I have been going through a number of crises and that policy has not changed in response. When I last saw him he said "call if you need me to put you in hospital"; I seriously felt so rejected and like a complete burden because he seemed to be saying don't call for any other reason, I'm not prepared to be there for you.
Of late I have been going through a number of crises and that policy has not changed in response. When I last saw him he said "call if you need me to put you in hospital"; I seriously felt so rejected and like a complete burden because he seemed to be saying don't call for any other reason, I'm not prepared to be there for you.
Greeneyes when I read that I feel mad. I feel like he is not doing his job at all. Does he do anything IN session to help you find ways to cope with his total lack of availability in between? I see a dbt trained therapist right now and I wish I had done this from the start. I feel so irritated with all the therapists I saw before this who thought that it was enough to sit on their asses and listen to me and do nothing else. I finally see a T with a direction and plan for helping me.
I know you probably really love your T but he really does piss me off
I know you probably really love your T but he really does piss me off
((Turtle)) thanks for your fierce care and concern.
I clarified the situation with T and he didn't mean for me to think I wasn't allowed to contact him at all. Part of me really hates him atm for a number of complicated reasons.
I have some good self care strategies that I use. The problem is I want someone else to care for me when I'm in such psychic and emotional agony and I become rageful and irate when nobody does and I'm forced to DIY. DIY was the story of my childhood so its retraumatising to an extent.
I clarified the situation with T and he didn't mean for me to think I wasn't allowed to contact him at all. Part of me really hates him atm for a number of complicated reasons.
I have some good self care strategies that I use. The problem is I want someone else to care for me when I'm in such psychic and emotional agony and I become rageful and irate when nobody does and I'm forced to DIY. DIY was the story of my childhood so its retraumatising to an extent.