Its common wanting/needing to control the our enviroment when we never learnt to do so as children. Continue talking about how it feels inside when you don't feel in control and eventually all these thoughts adn feelings will be processed and the need to control outside/other/mother will heal.

Interesting. Yes, never learned to control my environment as a child BUT some things we just can't control. What do we do about those things? And some things we shouldn't control.

When you say you couldn't get "back into control", what do mean? What does being in control look and feel like for you? What does not being in control look and feel like? Just trying to get a better idea of what we are talking about here when we talk about control.

Oh LG,

I had these awful feelings and I couldn't push them away. That's what I mean. I was in this awful emotional place and I couldn't get a hold of the rational me.

ok, i think i know what you mean. I get like that sometimes. I can actually feel the room spinning and I feel like I can't breathe. I don't think clearly and feel like I'm a lunatic in the way that I interact with people. I hate those moments.

One thing that helps me in those times is to take a bath or lie on the floor and focus on deep breathing exercises. But sometimes, that doesn't help.

I don't have much advice to offer I guess, but I wanted to let you know that I can relate to these feelings.

You say last week you felt out of control. Do you feel in control now? If so what is the difference? Thanks

quote:

Originally posted by Liese:
Oh LG,

I had these awful feelings and I couldn't push them away. That's what I mean. I was in this awful emotional place and I couldn't get a hold of the rational me.

Liese,

I'm curious why this = out of control. Is it because you actually fear losing control? I mean, I know having emotions come up when you aren't used to that can feel out of control (I say that often), but is it truly out of control?

I'm reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown right now and she talks a lot about control and I really like what she has to say about it though I can't find a good synopsis in the book right now.

hi liese,

control is a big (and scary) thing for me too, in many ways. i think in the way that you talk about it, i also have tried all my life to be in control - in control my feelings (i locked the little me in a dark, soundproof room and hardly ever went in there again). but now, she is starting to have a voice and sometimes it scares the shit out of me, because she can be quite strong (and very stubborn) and i'm doing things that i wouldn't have done before. (for example going against what other people expect or tell me and wanting to change my job so that i find another job which will fit in with my T's schedule - rather than letting my rational side decide what's best for my career etc.) i also have days when i feel so raw and emotional like i'm going to break into pieces because i'm not strong enough to contain all of it, and that really scares me, i just don't know what to do with those feelings.

anyway, sorry this is all about me, but i just wanted to share my perspective as well - and also wanted to add that i think it's a good thing. it is painful and a part of me still really resists it, but i think its progress - feeling and not being numb anymore is progress, even if it feels out of control. i hope you think the same way about yourself - maybe you feel more out of control because things are changing for you / within you and that is a scary thing.

puppet

Oh gosh, thanks everyone for your very valuable perspectives and insights. I have to run out and don't have a lot of time to reply but wanted to tell you puppet that it didn't bother me in the least that you talked about you .. I like listening to other peoples stories and how they relate. It's interesting and helpful.

I will be back later to reply more.

Oh, by the way, in this vein, I told my T yesterday that I felt like a hamster on a wheel. He told me that he wants me to see myself as a hamster on a wheel with the door starting to open. Maybe it's those emotions I was trying so hard to suppress last week and it's a good thing instead of a bad thing.