I suspect the reason I wanted to reach through the screen and throttle my boss today was for similar reasons. I hate being micromanaged and I work for someone who wouldn't know how to be anything but. It makes me nuts!

I am sorry it blows

Thank you Mallard, I really needed to be heard

I'm sorry your day hasn't been a thrill either

Thankfully I saw T2 for the first time in 2 months for body work. It calmed me down.

((((CAT))))

Just read an article today in the Oprah magazine that came in the mail by Martha Beck. She wrote about how we can't be leaders until we learn how to follow. It talks about misconceptions. It was a good read.

I'm glad you are feeling better.

I followed my *insane* parents my entire life, does that count?

How can I make sure everything around me is safe and contained if I'm not in charge of it! That's probably where it comes from.

At work it is just weird. It's as if in my last job I was driving the bus... now I am shining the bus driver's shoes.

Random note but I know someone who is friends with Martha. Yay... Kevin Bacon moment.

I can do following but only on very specific terms and *cough* I freelance now so that says something about my success at working within organisations!

My last manager and I had a reasonable relationship. He was so hands off that sometimes it felt like having too much freedom but I was trusted to make decisions on my own and got very used to it. I eventually left because I was on a fast trajectory towards failing my MA and I could not bear the organisational politics.

My current freelancing job is for a small organisation where literally everything I do is scrutinised to a level that I want to ask them why they bothered hiring someone with my level of experience if everything I do is subject to this ridiculous second guessing all the time. I can totally see that my boss' control freak tendencies stem from her worry that if she lets up for a second then doom will happen and I will send out comms that are wildly inappropriate. I get that it's not about me but oh boy is it wearing!

Mostly I try to sit in my home office miles away from the drama and tell myself that if my boss wants to re-write a piece of non-essential comms three times then that's her prerogative. Other times I sit and do this:

The TL: DR version of the above is that I get what you're saying and I feel how maddening it is. I also think that being subject to other people's control can really affect one's self esteem so take gentle care of yourself, KitKat

quote:

How can I make sure everything around me is safe and contained if I'm not in charge of it!

Yep. But sometimes even this doesn't work...

thank you i'm sorry i didn't respond sooner... a rough week last week.

((mallard)) i'm sorry your work is always questioned!!! I do understand that... my work is reviewed a bunch, and a lot of it (i assume) is the content because i'm still learning the business... rather than the actual technical aspect. i so wish i could work from home more... i work in an open office plan and i want to poke my eyes out. too much people... especially when i'm working on creative projects where i need to brainstorm and the luxury of a walk at home means a lot. you are SO RIGHT about being subject to other's control!! hate it.

((draggers)) sorry my dear... it's so hard not to be in charge... so so so so hard.

((RT)) yep... my t has tried to help me understand to 'let go'... it's hard to let go when someone else is clamping on me.