Hey Froggy,

Sorry you've got such a lengthy break. I'm about 5 days into a 19 day break. The way you felt in your last session sounds a lot like how I was. I was completely numb and useless, unable to feel anything at all. And it sucked, because it would have been nice to have something warm to hold on to. You know what I've been trying to do, Frog, is to think of some sort of warm moment from any session and not just the last one. Pick out something that is really fuzzy and nice and hold on to it.

I'm really glad you're reaching out and starting this thread. It does help, and I hope you'll be able to enjoy your Christmas vacation at least a little. Do you journal? I've completely slacked off on that lately, but I'm picking it back up while I'm at home and away from T. It helps to remember things (since I seem to have a horrible memory), but it also helps to figure things out. I may even bring it in to my next session so that I can pick out what is most pressing from our time apart. And I'm not normally one to be proactive when it comes to that sort of stuff (as in, bringing in my journal without having discussed it before), but it seems like a good idea.

Just keep posting here whenever you want or need to and we'll be here to listen. ((((Frog))))

(((kashely))) oh- your 5 days into a 19 days break- that makes it...uhm..(lol) 14 days to go! Sorry your last session was like that too..Oh- i loved the idea of holding on to one spesific moment that filles me with fuzzy feelings..actually i have a fiew good things from todays sessions, that i can think of actually: I forgot my scarf at T`S office last week, so i took it with me again today- and i am wearing it now, because it SMELLS like T`s place (where it was left for a week) i just hope the smell will last..
I dont do journal anymore, and dont think i will,but hey- this is sort of a jounral isnt it? - but i`ll DEFINITLY hold on to some of the wamr/fuzzy moments.. Lol, maybe i should endlessly repeat to myself T`s word when he said he wants us to keep going on with 3 sessions pr week. Do you have a count down thread as well kashely? You`re more than welcome to join me here, and update on your count down here as well, if you like to!

I hope that smells stays there, too... It sounds nice. I don't have a thread for this break, although I did for the last one. You're very sweet, Froggy. Just having a hard time right now, and I'm feeling like I need to be quiet. So forgive me if I do not post much more - but know I'm reading and I'm right there with you as these next few weeks pass.

Hope you're doing okay..

(((kashley))) Do what you need to do, hun...I`ll be thinking of you.

froggie, kashley, deepfried, many hugs for you all as the time passes in your breaks. I have 2 weeks coming up and already worry about how I might deal with surfacing memories on my own

starfish

Tomorrow will be day #1 into a 14 break with T1 and day#6 into a 15 day break with T2.

T1 gave me her cell phone number and said I could call or text. Then she called me after our session and left a message saying I could email too.

T2 didn't mention anything about having any contact during our break. I don't think she likes to be bothered outside of her office hours.

Today is day #8 into the 21 day break from T.

Only 13 more days to go.

This is getting old fast!!

Indeed we`re a bunch of people with breaks from therapy these days.. *sigh*
Thank you all for support and sharing, its nice "counting down" together.. Hope you all are doing ok? ((((hugs to all)))

DF and BG, I had a dream about T, this night,(and a similar one yesterday) - i think its about the "transitional object" that you`we been talking about..(about the blanket and the rock as well). I didnt get any such thing from T. No contact at all. No phone, no mails, no transtional object from T )

I`m think i gonna write the dream. I guess this is my way of "updating". I have never had similar dreams before, so i am very interested in what it means..it goes like this:


I am in T`s office. Its a bit dark and very comfy and warm. I am lying on the divan. T sits in his chair, very close to me. We dont talk. Between us stands a bookshelve(?) and i am trying to read the titles of the books. At first look, i only see all these psychotherapy-literature. Then i see some books that i find strange is in T`s office; Books about the human anotomy. Then T leaves (with his wife?) but i stay. Iam thinking that i can stay, and go before he returns and he will never know that i was staying there all this time, when he was away. I notice alot of blankets and scarfs behind the divan. I dont know if its other patients left it behind, or if its my scarf. I just hang around there in the office, for about 5-6 hours, then T suddenlty returns. Dad too, and T seemed a little bothered that i am still there in his office, and simlu ignores me at first. I know i have done somehting wrong. I am so emberrassed that i am still there, and i say "sorry". It turnes out, that i have stolen one of his t-shirts,(He is wearing a similar one himself, a white one) and i am wearing it. I am shocked and emberrassed that i have taken his t-shirt, and stayed for so meny hour alone at his place. But then T smiles, and tells me the t-shirt fits me and that i should keep it.

???!! any ideas what this is about? when i woke up, i wanted to go back to the dream and stay there.. *sigh* sometimes waking up to reality is such a downer.. I have never had similar dreams before, and i have never in real-life done that "unacceptable" thing, -and stayed at T`s office over time, like that..

NO NO NO!! I hate this. Mum is a T and just came back home from her last work-day,- with GIFT from one of her patients!! and she gladly told me about this, and showed me the "sweet" gift.. i know its a "good thing" but i feel SO triggered being around mum now, simply htat she`S therapist, triggers me...Now, all i do is think of T and i seriously find it so difficult now, hearing how mum mention this work-related stuff,the gift and the patiens of hers.. -it all reminds me of T and..i dunno. Yesterday she asked me how the last session was for me, and all i managed to say (and wanted to say) was "fine. crap, but fine." and then i left the room. Mum`s very senstive about this and how i might feel these days and concerned about this break affects me. Its just so hard to look at mum now, all i see is a therapist, whom having a "joyful chirstmas vacation" and seeing that makes me angry at T!! ..gosh, this is absurd and stupid. I know i have noe reason to complain..Sorry for venting. I`ll be ok.

Oh Froggy I'm so sorry you are suffering so and missing your T. It must be so difficult to be the child of a T too. It gets so mixed up in your head.

I think your dream was mostly about wanting to stay in your Ts office while he is gone on his vacation because you feel closer to him there and you also feel safe there. It's your comfort place. I think looking at the books on his bookshelf is your way of trying to get to know him better. And didn't you recently leave your scarf in his office? Maybe your mind is wondering if other patients leave their things too and that's why you saw all those scarves behind the couch. As for you wearing his t-shirt.... well I think that you were longing for some "transitional" object and maybe you wore his T-shirt to keep him closer to you while he was gone. I think the entire dream is your mind trying to come to terms with T being gone so long and you are trying to keep some kind of connection to him.

For everyone who is on a break from their T over the holidays, I am so sorry you are all suffering. I vividly remember this time last year with OldT when he surprised me a few days before he left with the news that he was leaving for 10 days. I was so upset and we spent a session talking about this. He gave me permission to email which I did. When he got back I was angry at him (in my crazy mind his emails sounded dismissive to me) and we spent another session getting past my anger. But if someone had told me that this Christmas I would be with another T and that my T would have abandoned and traumatized me I would think they were absolutely insane!! It would just be too too unbelieveable.

I am fortunate that newT is going to be here and I can see him next week. He has told me that he rarely takes more than a week vacation, although he may do that a few times a year. He said that taking longer vacations causes his patients too much anguish and he ends up with a whole lot of angry patients when he gets back! He really does understand how hard it is.

In any case... hugs to you Froggy and to everyone who is struggling with missing their Ts. I do know how it feels. I'm been on one whole long break from oldT and the pain is real and it hurts like hell. I wish time passes quickly and with as little suffering as possible for all my T-less friends out there.

TN

i enjoyed reading your interpret to my dream TN. I do non-stop fantasy about T (and his office) i assume that`s symbolised in the dream. And yes, me trying to keep some kind of connection to him, does sound like the core of the dream. I did left my scarf there, so that is the closest thing to "transitional" obejct, i have.I didnt realize the book-stuff could be about me wanting to know T better! But that makes a lot of sense.. Before i tended to think it was about seeking knowligdge in general, not spesificly about T, but (lol) thats makes more sense! thanks TN.

oh- and yeah, mum being a T does mix up my head sometimes, to say at least, espesically like today, wen i know its her last day at work, and i guess i automaticly imagine all her patiens being upset because of her vacation, -and i feel like i`m on their "side".. It turned out she got another gift from another patient as well, flowers,- and i know that i reacted to it, only because it reminds me of T (absence). - And it reminds me of that i didnt even bring my T any gift, nor christmas card...Sigh.. gosh, When did i became so easaly triggered and emotional...?

(((Frog)))

I'm sorry I've been late in responding here to your thread. I've been sick and offline.

I'm sorry you are missing your T so much and that your Mum talking of her client was so triggering to you. It really struck me because my T was going to take my gift home and show it to her daughters yesterday. I'm so glad I know that isn't you because I never thought about it somehow triggering her daughters. I'm sorry it was hard for you. (((hugs)))

Big hugs to everyone going through breaks right now. Many of you have such long breaks. Please continue to reach out here for support. I know it always makes such a difference for me during breaks.

I see my T twice a week, and he seldom takes long vacations, but he threw me for a loop this time. In the middle of my first session this week, I boldly asked what his schedule was going to be like around the holidays (since he hadn't mentioned it), and based on what he told me, I realized abrupty that this was my last session for the week. I was furious that he hadn't told me and that I had to bring it up, and then there was the realization that he probably wasn't going to tell me until the end. Bummer. I was angry, didn't behave too awfully well, he said he was sorry, I said it's not your fault (LIE), he says it certainly is, I say I should have asked last week - he said he hadn't decided until the evening before (HUH?), blah blah. Does he not have many clients for whom this would be difficult?

And then there was finding out there would be only one session next week (Yes, I should be grateful that he is not gone for 3 weeks!!!!). He back-pedaled a little and tried to make a couple of slots for me, but it was too confusing and the damage was done. And I was just too pissed by that time.

So, brat that I am, the OLDEST brat you'll ever meet, I said let's bag the whole thing. And I ended up imposing a 2 week break until after the first of the year. Bah humbug. I was going to say I only have myself to blame, but that's only partially true. And I am determined not to care. Of course, here I am gobbling up all these countdown and vacation/break threads.........so it's not looking good.

So, 11 days to go.

P.S. To confound this brilliant plan, I am off work and totally alone for this stretch of time. I have sorta become a hermit over the past year. How great is this?!!!

P.P.S. HAPPY HOLIDAYS to everyone and thanks for being here!!

Hi everyone, I think vacations for Ts and Ps should be banned. I know they need time to unwind but it is tooooooo hard.

I have sixteen sleeps to go. I see my P twice a week also and it feels like a very long time to wait.

During this time we are going away for four nights and I am totally dreading this, I find being away extremely difficult.

hmmmmm....15 sleeps now.....

Was supposed to see T2 on Dec. 31 and T1 on Jan 4th, but I have had to reschedule both appointments to the 6th because I will be out of town. Jan 6th.. that seems so far away!!! I don't really care much about T2 but I really really really REALLY miss T1!

Oh Drifty – I so understand – I’m on holiday from work, my best friend has gone away with her partner for a couple of weeks and my T has taken **unexpected holidays** – 17 days to go!!! GROAN!!!

Froggie ( for starting this thread) – frosty – deepfried - halo – LadyGrey – Kashley – Blanket girl – Starfish – Marsh – STRM – TrueNorth – thinking of you all and others going through these long breaks - let’s all hang in together and talk it through when we can.

I really didn’t expect to feel like this personally – let’s face I’ve been out of therapy about 35 years and didn’t (from memory) go through these feelings of anguish and longing back then!! Although it’s gut wrenching, somehow deep inside feel it must be healthy in that we are attached to our Ts, going through those necessary dependent stages and we must trust them coz we don’t usually want to spend time with people we don’t trust

Frosty said
I always miss my T when I know the session is far away but I'm dreading it for days once it comes closer. No frosty I haven’t figured this out either – I start feeling sick about 2 days out!!! Nutso coz I’d live in her handbag if I could (as long as I could bring my dog !!!) Might talk with her about it one day – sheesh!!!

Well friends, the rain has just stopped so will take the dog on a nice long walk between showers!!

and many to you all!
Morgs

Drifty: I'm so sorry that you weren't given time to prepare for your break from T and that it is hitting at such a hard time. Please keep posting here if you can and reaching out!

Froggy,PF,DF, Halo, LG, TN and Morgs and anyone else on break that I may have failed to list: May your breaks pass quickly and may you continue to reach out here for support while you wait.

Hi again dear folks,- whethter you miss your T or just dread the next session...
I belong to the second category all of a sudden as well...
I have actually stopped counting down days until i see T again. Its an internal shift inside me; i started to dread the session instead. I have no idea why this happens. I think of T almost all the time, but i cant see myself go back there and "update" him and start all over.. Its so weird. Why does this happens? I dunt understand myself. I rather wished i could stay in the "missing/longin for T"- modus...hm..and now i am just right back in ambivalence and right back into the "leave me alone-modus".

Its funny (?), i just read my journal from the session a year ago, when i saw T again after the christmas holliday. - that session i was so angry at T, (but wasnt aware of it) i sat down on the floor(!) and started proclaming that "i dont wanna tell you about my vacation.".. and then we spent the whole session talking about it anyway..(lol)

thank you all for sharing and for support, and for asking how i am. Sorry to those of you whom suffer from Ts vacation right now. For some reason (which i dont know if its a good sign or a bad sign) i dont suffor nor am missing T anymore. just numb maybe..

T1 called me this morning on her drive across the country to visit her family. I was really surprised to hear from her. She said she was just calling to check in and see how Christmas was. I was so touched by her call that I think it has made me even more obsessed with her. I can't stop thinking about her! I hate this! I haven't thought about T2 for days and I like it that way. Sometimes I think I should terminate with T1 so I can get over her and only see T2 who I do not seem to be experiencing trasnference with.

Well the good news is that due to the endless rain here we are no longer going camping for five days and I will be able to see my doctor twice during next week while my P is still away. I see my dr and my P both twice a week. My dr is very helpful and understanding and that means there is only seven sleeps to see her. Still feels like a very long time.

thank you DF, for asking. And sorry to hear that you are dealing with such painful thoughts. Luckily i dont struggle that much anymore with those negative feelings- that T must hate me and stuff, but yes i definitly remember how i used to battle with those feelings and thoughts, and how exhausting that was.


I just got the stomack- sickness too, - all my family have been ill with this now... I dont wanna count down anymore. New dream about T this night. Warm feelings only. I miss T so much. But i am ok. Thank godness for fantasy; i just make up conversation with T in my head, ALL the time! Lol, its long enough to be a book soon!

Frog,

((((Frog)))), Sorry to hear that you are ill with the nasty stomach bug. Get rest so that you can get well!

Hummm, Guess I am not the only one that has conversations in my head with my T. Guess that means I am in good company!

A wise man once said that the best thing for two people whom love each other, is to spend time together, and if they cant, the next best thing is to WAIT for each other. That seems to fit my situation (lol, not T though) these days.
PF- i am so sorry its so hard for you now. I do relate to missing T and still dreading the session.. whats that about? Its been like that for me the 2 years i been in thearpy.


UPDATE
Yesterday something happened: me and my family were on a traditional family gathering. I saw my father sat talking to one of my uncles, in the corner, just the two of them. I went over to were they sat, and then i heard that they were talking about T and his wife. Of course, non of them knew i heard them, and my uncle of course have no idea i know this man (T) he was talking about. (he was talking about one of T`s books) and there and then i just froze up. I just sat there like an idiot, listening to them, and pretended i didnt really listened. Then they just talked furhter about other stuff. In the car on our way back home, it was only me and my dad in the car, i talked to dad, and mentioned the conversation i had overheard between him and my uncle about T. But the conversation lead into other stuff instead; we talked about dads pracic and his experiences in work as T...(or SC or whatever the english term is) and during the whole conversation that lasted for almost 2 hours, all i did was thinking of T and wanted to tell dad i missed T so much, and everything about him. I felt it somewhere inside my chest, a deep longing/hurting. But i just noticed it and kept talking/listening to dad. I "suspect" i feel this urgesstrongly now because i miss T so much, that talking about him with someone else, whom also know him, would help a bit.
Well, ok, that was todays update!(and rambling)
Hugs to all of you whom struggle. Keep counting down days (or not) if it helps you! And thanks again,
(((marsh, DF, PF))))

Has anyone here told there T that they miss them? I find myself really wanting to text her that I miss her but I don't want to freak her out. Instead I fake being aloof and detached when she texts me.

Hi LadyGrey,

I have told my T that I miss her every time she takes a break, even the short breaks.

She always takes it very well, actually even when she gets back and I go to the next session, I ask her to stand up and I give her a hug and tell her again that I really missed her. She gives the greatest firm hug I think I have ever had.

She has even gone so far now as to email me to check up on me and tell me it won't be too long before she comes back.

quote:

Has anyone here told there T that they miss them?

I did. This past April I had to take a 10 day break from therapy because I had houseguests and we were going places each day to sightsee. Then one day I found I had some time in the afternoon and emailed oldT if he could see me for a half session because I could get away from my guests for a bit.

I was so happy to see him and it just felt so good and calming to be there with him again. After we spoke awhile I looked at the dog at my feet and said "I really missed D" and then I looked up at my oldT and said "And I missed you" and he smiled at me and said "I missed you too and I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing." I nearly fell off the chair. It was so good to hear that and it's one of those moments that is so painful to remember now.

How we could go from that to ... don't ever contact me again... in a period of a few months I will never ever understand.

To everyone who is waiting during the holidays...I hope your time passes and that you are back in Ts office soon (with no dreading it) and things will be back to normal for you all.

Hugs
TN

quote:

Originally posted by True North:

quote:

Has anyone here told there T that they miss them?

How we could go from that to ... don't ever contact me again... in a period of a few months I will never ever understand.

I don't understand either...and to be completely honest, it scares the crap out of me. But I think about my own marriage and my husband literally turned on me in one day with no warning and abandoned me. I'll never understand it. I had to just stop trying to figure it out. Some people are just sick. I am sorry that you had to go through that with your T...the one person who is supposed to be there through thick and thin...that is what we are paying them for, after all..isn't it!?

quote:

Has anyone here told there T that they miss them?

Ummm, yeah! All.the.time. Even between sessions. Heck, remember I'm the one who has little parts that need a countdown chain just to make it through breaks from T. I have even sent T texts between sessions saying that I missed her.

TN: I don't understand it either. (((hugs)))

Yes, I have too, but I asked it like I needed his permission "is it okay if I miss you" LOL and then he wrote back yes and that he missed me too and would see me soon. ~D.

i am curious about this topic: It seems to be meny of you whom have experienced telling your T that you miss him/her, and actually got "i missed you too" in respond! The thing is; i am certain that my T would NEVER tell me that. Even *if* he did missed me. I am wondering about this, because sometimes its hard to know whats only "cultural" differences (in how therapist do their pracic) and whats the orthodox pracic theory..if that makes sense ?
My T`s a psychiatrist/pshychonalyst, and i just have assumed all the time that he simply CANNOT say "i missed you too" because the method doesnt allow those "private" statments....But reading here on forum, i get the impression that there`s lots of T`s out there whom does express such things with no hesitation. and even maybe find it naturally to tell their client this.. Is this an accurate ovbservation??

Sometimes (weel, often lateley actually) i "suspect" that my T are too cautious not saying "too much" - expressing any such "warm" feelings towards me. But i have "accepted" this lack of such statsment aka "i missed you too" (well thats a lie!) because i have blamed it on the "method" and not on T..

I've told my T I miss him. To answer Frog's question I would never expect an “I miss you” back... I would be concerned about our therapy if he said that . I always get some sort of a nice response though… I said that I miss him at the end of our phone session on Tuesday and he said, “I’m happy we got the chance to talk.”

Mac, - i agree with you and i liked the way your T responded to your "i miss you", in the phone. That sounds like something my T could have said, too. It means alot those few words, doesnt it?

DF: Oh, you really miss your group T, hu? Iam sorry. At least missing someone can be transeformed into a good feeling with time, sometimes. Oh gosh- that "silent treatment" can be SO WEIRD and uncomfortable, indeed! My T does that too, somtimes! NO- OFTEN! He deliberatly keeps silent, in order to make a point or to let me know he disagree with me. I also remember espescially one "intense" session (a year ago) he did this: i was frustraited and worried that i was being "too much" for him to take, and told him so, and also that i thought he must on some level dread seing me because of this, blabla, - when i finished my "speech" (lol) he just sat there, staring at me, in a severe way, and deliberatly kept silent. It was his way of telling me he refused to agree with my (negative) assumptions. Hmm, sometimes the deliberate silence, can be very helpful and effective also! Dont you think?
I also agree, that telling someone you miss them- espescially T`s- aint a "big deal", but the respond, -or lack of such-, is truly a big deal.

HANG IN THERE ALL YOU GUYS WHOM STILL COUNT DOWN DAYS!! not meny days left now, is it?
I`ll see my T friday..

47 hours until T1! It's been two days since I've gotten a text from her. Seems like forever!!

4 days until T2 and hopefully another session with T1.

Yay, you are all getting closer and some really close!! I hope your first sessions back are good ones!

My first post-holiday session is in 3 hours. The break wasn't too upsetting for the first time in ages. I sent one email at the halfway point and he responded a few hours later. I got briefly upset at him because of his response but realized it was really because I wanted to talk to him and now email was going to satisfy that need. Then I went kind of numb.

I don't even want to go today. I don't want to start up the cycle of closeness, misunderstanding, anger, rupture, silence, freaking out, apologizing and then briefly connection and understanding. I have lost the belief that therapy can help long-term. Maybe this kind of numb feeling is the best I can hope for and I'm not sure I want to give that up.

ok, now its just too hard. I`ve been "obsessive" again, googled T and read ALL my old journals from session. I cant help it. I dont know what to do, and the house is full of people all the time, i can bare to hold my mask anymore. I literally hiding in the basement, and the last thing i want is for mum or dad to find me like this. Stupid, stupid T. He doesnt care, does he. It feels like i am totally forgotten.

Good luck today Incognito!! I hope your session goes well. I understand what you are saying about reluctance to get back into the cycle. I do believe that it does help long-term it is just hard to see the progress sometimes in the short-term. Hang in there!

Frog: Your T does care. One way he is showing that he cares about you and other clients is by taking care of himself. If he doesn't have time off and practice good self care then he won't be any good to you or anyone else. I know it is hard and you miss him and that is perfectly normal and ok. It's ok that you read your journals and that you feel like hiding. I wish it wasn't so hard for you, but the break will be over soon and you can get back to your normal routine with T.

Still 9 days to next appointment

DF - I'm so pleased your session went well
UV - Hope yours goes okay too in spite of your reservations

Only a couple of days now for others - hang in! Morgs