I think that my therapist is having some countertransference issues. I have always guessed this. But I guess it just became more aware recently. I'm not assuming that I don't have somewhat of transference issues. Because I think that it happens in almost every therapeutic relationship. But I don't necessarily make him like the center of my world to the point where it would make it hard for him not to be countertransferent.

I think this because he often does risky things based off his own experiences in life. I asked him today why him, out of all the treatment providers I've had in my life. He thought I wasn't terminal with mental illness, but everybody else disagreed. I've had over 150 treatment providers and he is the only one who believes it. He told me, because he's walked where I walk and relates to so much that I say and he came out alive and happy.

There's also been risky things he's done like convince ER doctors in the far past I'm not suicidal, because he "just knows" and would take "full responsibility for me". But I would do anything in the world not to get sent to more psychiatric wards and that includes lying through my teeth.

He also seems to take a liking to me, as a patient. I feel cut off from the rest of the team. The team has been told that anytime there is a problem, I am to be directly referred to him, because he knows how to handle me appropriately. I also feel like when I cancel therapy that I'm letting him down. Which could in general, just be my issue and probably is my issue. But our therapy sessions will sometimes be like up to 3 hours long. And I don't pay a cent out of pocket because of my really good insurance. And basically the way his job works, he gets paid whether I have a session or not, no matter how long. 2 minutes or 2 hours. Same amount.

I know that he comes from a dysfunctional family and I feel like were both caretakers and try and take care of each other and I feel that's unhealthy in every way possible. Sometimes I'm not sure if he shows extra attention to me, because I'm one of the few patients he has at a functioning level. But I also know he's young and a new therapist so doesn't have as much experience around transference. And this is his first therapeutic job and I'm his first patient younger then him that he feels able to relate to, and have the ability to actually counsel, because his other patients are so ill and incapable of talk therapy.

I know a couple months ago I outright flipped the lid because he wouldn't stop trying to understand me from his personal experiences. I said something like "I'M NOT YOU! Stop trying to understand me like your sitting in this seat.". And that's when I started to wonder and most of the obvious stuff stopped. But the underlying issues are still there.

But I just feel like this is really dangerous limits were getting into and I'm not really sure how to approach it correctly, because I could be totally off and he could just have a hell of a lot of confidence in me and highly favor me based on a logical perspective and not a personal experience.


So I mean is that inappropriate to just be like "Hey I think we have some transference issues going on?" because is that a personal question? I try to avoid asking my therapist personal questions. It took me a whole 18 months to ask him the first personal question and it was "so are you doing anything fun for Christmas?" And I never asked anything since.

I mean is that for him to figure out on his own?

Should I just mention that maybe I feel transferrent and hope he picks up on his own, if it exists?