hi closed doors,

I will try to answer, but I'm not sure anything will be very helpful.
While I am currently seeing a T (well, on a 3 months break, but it started only few weeks ago), I can remember how I felt after leaving the long-term T I had been seeing for 10 years, some years ago. And I did think about her, a lot, even though mostly in negative terms, as we parted because I felt she was useless and potentially hurtful. But I still missed her, or more exactly, kept using her as a reference, because I was used to her, so it had suddenly left a hole in my everyday thinking, even though I consider that we went through a good termination process. It stopped several months later, because my entire life changed (I moved, went to an intense schooling program where you basically didn't have a life anymore) so... there was no space for her in my life anymore. I don't know if it helps, but... I went through the same phase until the hole got filled.

Other: I LOVE random acts of kindness, and try to do some regularly, and, yeah, I've thought of doing something like that. But... I never did it, and never will (because of my own past behaviour, I just can't allow myself to risk doing this) so I generally anonymously place the flowers at strangers' doors. I do not want to take the risk of having to explain it to T. So, my question would be, would you give him not anonymously? But it is still a very nice idea, and I might be too cautious.

and good luck with those questions.

(((About and RT))), i could never leave flowers at Ts with a card with my name on it! if i did that, i would be SO apprehensive over "will he call or won't he"? THAT would be maddening to me and the thought simply freaks me out.

(((monte))) what you describe is EXACTLY what i experience and it IS maddening! constant conversations with him in my head and everything else you wrote. is it hard to go back after an extended break? have you ever told him about your obsession and if you did what did he say or do? and yes, i've had the obsessive thoughts about others in my life as well, mostly male authority figures.

i did it! i left some flowers on his doorstep! i am such a dork!

CD,

I think that's awesome!

Wow, CD, you are brave and kind!!

CD, does he know who they are from?

no scars, he doesn't know who they're from. so, athenacus, so even though i WAS scared when i did it, i'm really not that brave! it was 5:30 AM for crying out loud!

you know, i'm actually feeling a little empowered by it all. like, he doesn't know who they're from and that makes him perhaps a little vulnerable? now i'm starting to wonder why i felt the need to do that? i have to say that it does feel a little like i've leveled the playing field a bit, in some way. either way, what i really hope is that it helped brighten his week a little bit, and invited a little wonder into his world. we all need that, don't we?

and then i have to wonder if it was a self-transferential move. do i want somebody to give me flowers for no apparent reason? okay, i'm going to bed. good night!

(((monte))) i'm sorry you felt the need to delete your post. i don't think it was too revealing, but i respect your need to delete. i just want to say thank you for originally posting, because this is something i really struggled with and your response in particular helped to normalize what i've been feeling. thanks for sharing your experience with me (((((monte)))))

I didn't answer your questions in my previous post.
I am currently in therapy with a new T. I don't think about her all the time.

I do think about my former T every single day. I stopped seeing her about 7 1/2 months ago. I've tried to go a day without thinking of former T and inevitably something will remind me of her and I'll have some good memories of our sessions or some negative ones (depends on my mood and what triggered something). The other day I took my kiddos to a park and was focused on them. When I looked up from the playground equipment, I noticed a donor/in honor of sign with former T's son's name on it. That made me think of her and wondered how her son was doing. She used to tell me about him and her life sometimes. The other day I was listening to music and something came on that reminded me of her. On my way to work I drive by her office and am triggered of memories of her. Many times when I go to the gas station I wonder if she'll be there seeing as it is the only gas station between our houses. I have no idea if she fills up there though. I'm pretty sure I saw her in her car around that area a few weeks ago.
I miss her and I look forward to running into her some where in the community. I saw her for 2.5 years, so I was pretty darn attached and still am, I guess.

I need to get ready for work (and a drive by former T's office), so I need to log off.
ttyl

thanks for coming back, Athenacus
i stopped seeing mine about the same time you did. i don't think i could even form a plan to not think about him because he's always just there if i'm not busy with work, etc. i don't need triggers to cause my thoughts to go to him. again, i like him alot, but i don't like this obsession and wish it would just go away. what a creeper i am!

CD,
You're not a creeper! Because that would mean I am too!

I understand about wanting the obsession to go away. Part of me does not want to hold on to these thoughts of her. Another part of me wants to remember because she taught me so much and was there for me so many times when I needed her.

Oh ya...I forgot to add that just about everything I read in my T training books for school reminds me of her too. Sometimes when I'm reading I get triggered by something and my thoughts drift to sessions with her. It takes me quite some time to get back to my reading.

I hope for you that your obsession fades, if that's what you truly want.

Well, I need to get my kiddos ready for bed. After that I'll probably listen to the voicemail message I have from former T from over a year ago and go to bed.

Have a good one!

i'll never forget T and i dont' want to ever forget T, i just want to obsession to end. i welcome the occassional (or even frequent) reminders of T, but the obsessing has got to end. period.

people talk about transitional objects while away from their T for an extended period. while this always seemed awkward to me(no offense to anybody), i realized that i had probably the most tangible transitional object of most people: i recorded most of our sessions, and i can listen to them whenever i want. i can hear his voice whenever i want. i think i'm pretty lucky.

Wow! That's awesome that you have your sessions recorded and that you can listen to those!

I just found out that my former T will be at a community charity event next week. I'm actually thinking about getting some other ladies that I know together to go with me. That way I could "run into" former T.
I'm pathetic!
I'd also be going to support a charity though and to hang with friends.

(((CD))) -

I haven't seen T since November. I still think about her daily. And sometimes we still have contact due to the nature of our relationship. That doesn't help obviously. I love that you left the flowers. Don't over-think that (cause we never do that right? ) - just leave it as it was. A random act of kindness. I think only time heals. Although I still think about her, I don't obsess the way I used to.
Hang in there,
Hugs

Athenacus, if i'm not a creeper then you're not pathetic! you just happen to care alot about your old T, that's not such a bad thing.

thanks for sharing your experience, kmay. i know it'll heal after some time, it just feels like after 7 months i'd have gotten over by now. thanks for the hug!