I am reading a book entitled "Gaslighting, The Double Whammy, Interrogation, and Other Methods of Covert Control in Psychotherapy and Analysis (Theo L. Dorpat) It's not cheap, but worth it.

In addition I have sought out a consult T, and I found one online who is VERY competent and experienced.

I was Gaslighted by my ex T, which is defined as a type of projective identificiation in which an individual (in this case the T) attempts to influence the mental (and often emotional) functioning of another individual (client) by causing the latter to doubt the validity of his or her judgements, perceptions, and or reality testing in order that the victim will more readily submit her will and person to the victimizer.

This is a common form of verbal abuse in the general population as well as in the psychotherapeutic setting. It requires that one person have a NEED to be RIGHT (a narcissistic T for example.. and they are not rare) and another person to NEED the approval of the person that needs to be right... and who will readily second-guess their better judgement in order to get this approval. Another word for Gaslighting is Crazymaking- there is no way to respond to this type of covert control, that is what makes it so undermining.

The second form of abuse is called the Double Whammy... it is a form of gaslighting and is also very, very common. The first part involves a verbal attack or insult. Let's say: "You do everything wrong", or perhaps "You are WAY too sensitive" (both are offensive and controlling statements)

The second part invalidates the reaction of the person to the offensive phrase. For example, if you were to say "Why would you say that I do everything wrong? That is a distortion, and it hurt"

The attacker will say something along the lines of "I was just kidding" or "Gee you really are too sensitive/easily offended" or "I'm just trying to help you" or "This isn't about me, it's about you and your father". All of these things were said to me.

These statements ARE invalidating, they are a way to detour the T's hostility back onto ourselves.(if used in a therapeutic setting) This often results in (at best/most healthy: anger, but most often, lowered self-esteem and depression, and ultimately compliance and an inability to communicate what one is really thinking, feeling, or experiencing. The brainwashing is starting to take hold.

Gaslighting IS a form of abuse. I feel like I just left a cult, and this consult T and this book are helping me very much to figure out what happened.

Most often, the T has good intentions, but is actually TAUGHT to use these "techniques" in school. I found this to be appalling, because I know the damage it can do. I'm just glad that I had the sense to get out... and that there are some good therapists out there that are familiar with this dynamic. If I ever decide to pursue therapy again, in the interview, I would ask about their familiarity with these covert forms of control and manipulation. If they are not familiar with them, no deal.

Draw your own conclusions, but I needed to share this. Thanks!