This is what I came up with. His vacations are never easy, this one is really difficult for me. He is going super-far away, with no communication for several days; just knowing that makes me shaky. I am very excited for him because this trip is going to be insanely amazing for him.

However, he knows how this effects me and is really sensitive to that. He told me he would give me his itinerary, mostly, to know when I can email if need be....and I will. I figured he would just forget to tell me, but today he emailed me a loose version of his whereabouts to ground me and it meant so much...something to hold onto. He shared what he will be doing on vacation and I decided to youtube the locations along with live feed earthcams. I saw so much beautiful stuff and feel like this is a great way for me to stay "connected" to him while he his so very far away. It is making the departure easier to endure. The anticipatory anxiety is much more intense than the actual separation. "The sooner you go, the sooner you'll be back...hurry up and leave". I will see him the day before he goes and am scared I will cry when he shakes my hand....I will want to grab him and hug him and I am not allowed. I could not sleep last night knowing he will be so far away. The childlike ways are trying to dominate. Any of those needs were left hanging. He is trying to do his best and I will take what I can get and am grateful he cares...yes, I finally believe he cares about me.