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10 replies

criteria in choosing a T

D darockMember
hello. im having a helluva time choosing a new T.
i am seeing two at once trying to determine which to stick with.

one of them is very unattractive. i am concerned about internalizing her. i know this may sound totally nutso. and im having trouble deciding if i should let this go.

the other one, the office is in her home. her home is VERY fancy and VERY expensive. this makes me quite uncomfortable. ive stated this to her and she claims its because i feel like i can never have something like that. and thats true. but that doesnt mean it makes me want to overlook that.

one seems to wealthy, the other too ugly. and the ugly one makes me feel bad about myself in how she speaks to me the wealthy one makes me feel heard and cared for. sigh...
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N ninnMember
quote:
the T who makes me feel bad, may be making me feel bad because of something inside me, i dont think she is actually trying to put me down



I understand this comment. I have negative thinking, so all too often I hear T wrong and have to go back and deal with it next time. I think it has been theraputic for me. She is usually very careful with me, especially when I am deeply depressed. But, when I'm stronger and not depressed as much, she may even call me out on my behavior or thoughts, and they don't always make me feel better.

Is that kind of what you mean, DaRock?
D darockMember
ya BLT. good point.
its similar ninn.
but its more like she told me im not ready for more intense therapy...and i think thats nonsense. she thinks i cant handle it. that makes me feel lousy. my old T didnt feel that way at all.

also, she says she understands certain things and then turns around to say knock it off. its sort of like if you get it why are you saying knock it off and if it needs to stop saying knock it off aint gonna do it.
yakusokuyakusokuMember
Yeah, the knock it off stuff wouldn't fly.

About being ready or not ready for more intense therapy, something like that seems less about the client alone and more about the therapeutic relationship. It can take a while building safety an a rapport between therapist and client before the relationship provides a good/supportive frame for the deeper work. Not saying that's what this T meant, but just that there is no reason you need to feel bad about not being ready, if that ever is the case.

(((hugs)))

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