Hey Mudd,

I think content and context is really really important here. It may not be comfortable to write about but if you can specify what happened, it would probably help guide people's responses much more.

Basically, I feel if a T crosses sexual boundaries of any kind, then no, that person's not safe (for you or for others) and you need to find a way (at least) of getting therapeutic support elsewhere.

Other stuff... maybe repair is possible. I had a therapist break a bunch of boundaries with me - I ended up knowing way too much about his work and life situation. Some of that happened because of an awkward situation he was in, some because, I found in the end he just wasn't good with holding boundaries. So we repaired it, several times, but in the end it all crapped out. It crapped out for the same reason he couldn't hold the boundaries in the first place: he just didn't have the emotional development under his belt, so he was out of his depth.

Any which way, it's gotta be talked about. This is YOUR therapy, for YOU, and you need it - desperately need it - to be fully productive for you. Take care.

mudd, i felt there was a change in the relationship. it might not have just been him, but ultimitaly it was him. you're the client and he is the professional. it's not up to you to know what to do next, but the "air" does need to be broken. i feel like it's not your responsibility, but i also feel like he's not about to approach it. mudd, it needs to be approached. if your sessions are no longer helpful, and you are ruminating about him losing his job, it's no longer about you as it should be. mudd ... you gotta take this to somebody else because this could happen to his next client and his next client. i'm really sorry you're feeling responsible for his stuff because that's clearly so wrong. i know you care about him, but this isnt' helping you. please talk to somebody on the staff that can do something. (((mudd)))

Mudd,

You already know how I feel about this.

quote:

It hangs in the air during our sessions, but we don't talk about it. Our intense sessions have now come to almost a halt so no progress is being made. I don't want him to lose his job, I don't wanto stop seeing him bec we've done a lot of work together & I don't want this to end our T.

I think the most important thing you wrote above was "we don't talk about it". Tell him everything in that quote. Talk about it. Tell him where you want the boundary lines to be. You'll never know if it can be repaired until you talk about it. If it can't at least you will have tried and maybe he can help you find a different therapy situation to get you through. There is something to be learned about yourself in why this boundary crossing occured. The only way to learn that is by actually talking about it.

Jillann

The boundaries are physical touch.
One that has occurred several times is he picks my chin up. I usually flinch @ the touch bec I'm usually "not there" & he says he needs to see my eyes to know if I'm present & where I went. It's done very gently & is usually followed by tears bec I'm over sensitive about the subject we're discussing, over sensitive to making eye contact, the touch itself & over sensitive to someone being nice.

(((mudd)))
i over-reacted in my above post, as i was picturing things much more intrusive than actually happened. if that is a boundary for you and you're not comfortable with it, you should talk with him about it. write a note and hand it to him if you can't talk about it. it sounds like a gentle and innocent gesture, but listen to your gut and if it's making you uncomfortable, talk. i'm guessing he senses something is different but doesn't necessarily know what or why.

one thing i'm thinking lately is how i tend to sweep things under the rug because if i verbalize myself that i'm making a mountain out of a mole-hill. i'm slowly realizing that's cabosh. if i'm uncomfortable with something it's my responsibility to let it be known. and then something else gets swept under there, then something else. i think we know where that leads.

it know it's scary to make yourself be heard, but this could be a really good learning and growing experience for you, mudd. it seems like a super great opportunity. good luck, and keep us posted.

I would be terrified if a male T picked up my chin without my permission. Especially if you're already triggered by the conversation.. I would imagine that the last thing that would help would be for him to touch you. So, I think it's very important you talk to him about how you feel when he touches you like that. It's very important that you do that, because if he's constantly triggering you with this, you'll never be able to make any progress.

((Hugs)) hang in there.