Skip to main content

The PsychCafe
Share, connect, and learn.
12 replies

Cruel Ts

lauraklaurakMember
RE: A picture of my two former Ts embracing. They had been introduced through my therapy. The fact I was kicked out of the first therapy. I was also kicked out of therapy #2 primarily because it hadn't really helped me get over the first T. I was kicked out of the 2nd therapy like 6 years ago? The picture is one year old but I just saw it a month ago. All three of us are vaguely in the same extended community. Dr A is a big deal in this community.

My Current T Dr D is playing phone tag with Dr B to see if she has anything to say or wants to meet.

I had a few angry email exchanges back in forth with Dr B (I was angry and she was "professional") which ended in her writing something like "You may not contact me, you need to respect that"

I just want to vomit.

I was supposed to hear last Friday what the status is but Dr D had an emergency with another patient. Now I am just anxious and waiting.

----

I think somewhat the word could best be described as "rage" at times. You should have have heard my inner scream when I first understood what the picture was. I can't justify what Dr B did. The difference btwn me begging to resolve things with her for 6+ years and her going out of her way to celebrate Dr A and buy a $500 ticket to an event in Dr A's honor. I can only describe it as sick that B would treat me this way.

Yes, I'm controlling myself. Its sick that Dr B would use my pain as a networking opportunity and included is the pain of dismissing me.

It makes me extra mad how vulnerable therapy is and how it's supposed to be about healing. Dr B's behavior feels like the opposite. Yes she can get away with it but it's so sick.

Hearing any justification to me is b.s.

I dont have a problem with therapist's being friends. if my therapy hadn't been around specifically helping me with Dr A I wouldn't care.

Sleaze is the word I'm thinking of.

They absolutely make therapy and it's boundaries a power play instead of anything to do with healing. It just has everything to do with power. The power of the imbalanced relationship. They have no boundaries - the boundaries only apply to me.

Long term I can't see wanting anything to do with them. I want to keep things open. They are sick/ corrupt. As much healing as possible I still want.

I see why Dr B didn't want to maintain a connection. She wanted the connection to Dr A. Her empathy back then was only for Dr A.

------

What's your "cruel T" story?!
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

lauraklaurakMember
quote:
Originally posted by LadyGrey:
I am having a hard time following the story,but the fact that two former Ts were hugging would really upset me. So I feel for you. Perhaps you can be rid of both of them and find someone more compassionate?


Thanks Ladygray & icognito. I had posted more on it in a different thread called "betrayal".

I have a new T who has been great. I am actually feeling rather calm about the situation at the moment. Dr D, my current, T just spoke with Dr B and Dr B wasn't sure how she wanted to proceed ie have a convo about it or not. I accept Dr B's confusion as a form progress. Prior she was just all about rejecting me Frowner

Ladygray - I went to see the 2nd T specifically to help me get over the first. The second T kicks me out after five years of working together and then 7 years after T2 kicks me out I see a photo of them "hugging" Frowner at an event that is honoring T1.
Last edited by laurak
number9number9Member
Hi Laura,

I would feel quite betrayed and upset as well.

I had taken a medical ethics class last year, and it sounds like poor ethics were practiced by both parties on several levels:

1. Conflict of interest

2. Method of termination.

I'm not the type of person who believes in lawsuits, but I do believe that you deserve some sort of explanation or closure in this matter.

I'm really surprised that the third therapist is so confused, unless there is more to this story than meets the eye.

Hindsight is always 20/20. I have said things to people that I regret later... (just like many) but I'm getting better at it.

Did you state in your email to the second T that you felt hurt/betrayed, that there was a conflict of interest, wondering whose "side" this T was on? If she's supposed to be in your "corner" (after 6 years, that would be expected) than what is she doing with T A?

Forming a professional alliance is a situation that might be unrealistic for Therapist B to back out of, (it would be difficult to turn down, yes) but why she's putting it back on you, I don't know. (his/her) ethics are indeed questionable. At the very least, e/she has proven to have the integrity of a louse and probably shouldn't be trusted in even a basic intimate relationship, let alone a therapeutic one.

I wish it was you that had terminated therapist B, (he/she) clearly would have deserved it.

AH, coulda woulda shoulda. But I get the need for closure on this. I hope that the third (therapist D can help you with this, it's not an easy thing to go through.
number9number9Member
Just a thought...

I don't want to spout about things I only know a bit about... but I have seen both sides of the coin, as a potential provider and a client.

It may not be advisable to put the new T on the defensive. According to the instructor that taught the ethics class, we are to be wary of clients that have gone through too many T's or have had problems with their T's- this is seen as a "red flag"- meaning that we may not want to take that client on. I can see his point, in that it is good to make it about oneself (I felt hurt by this) rather than put anyone on the defensive. Everyone is afraid of getting sued.

Keep in mind that that particular instructor was kind of a jerk and I certainly would not feel safe with him either.

AH, people. Sorry If I am stating the obvious. Let us know how it goes, I am curious, and dismayed about the story and hope all turns out well in the end.

Healing. Smiler
lauraklaurakMember
Sorry I wasn't clear. Dr B is confused not Dr D. ie Dr B is not sure if she wants to talk to me about what happened that brought Dr A & B close enough that B would go to celebrate her and be hugging her?

The reason I want to talk to Dr B is because this was therapy and a 5 year relationship. I like the ability to sort things out. Hate the action not the person etc..
lauraklaurakMember
Yeah it proved it overwhelmingly that Dr B was not on my side.

They've already hurt me - I don't think they honestly could hurt me more.

I had just met with Dr B who had refused to meet for like 6 years a few months prior to the pic being taken and I just learned of the picture a month or so ago. I am curious how unethical Dr B has been all along including during our therapy. How she can defend trying become friends with Dr A. Also understand that my therapy with Dr B was largely often focused around helping move on from A Frowner
Last edited by laurak
G greenleaf (Guest)
quote:
They've already hurt me - I don't think they honestly could hurt me more.

I hope for your sake that's true, but I suspect it's not. I remember when I ran into the man who sexually assaulted me years later, it brought up a LOT of repressed anger and was overwhelming.

I think you've probably repressed a lot of anger, bitterness, and resentment for years. When you see Dr.B again, it will all come to the surface and you have to be prepared for that. I imagine you need an apology or explanation, but who knows what will happen? Hugging a colleague who won an award isn't unusual - and it happened years after you stopped seeing them. Hopefully meeting with this woman will give you some closure and you can put the whole thing behind you. The important thing is now you have Dr.D, so that even if the meeting doesn't go well, you have still have another T on your side who will support you.

Also just curious - is there a Dr.C in this situation?

Add Reply

Post

Membership Required

We're sorry. You must be signed in to continue. Sign In or Register
×
Are you sure you want to remove from your Block List?
×
Loading...
×
When you block a person, they can no longer invite you to a private message or post to your profile wall. Replies and comments they make will be collapsed/hidden by default. Finally, you'll never receive email notifications about content they create or likes they designate for your content.
Note: if you proceed, you will no longer be following .
×
Advanced Search
Advanced Search
Link copied to your clipboard.
×

Access to this requires a premium membership.

Be a Patron Member

Get psychotherapy help to make your therapy easier and better.



Yes, I've learned about all the benefits of being a Patron Member (Click here if you missed seeing them: Community Psychotherapy Help

Yes, I understand that...

1. I can do a 7 day free trial and my credit card will not be charged until that period is up.

2. I can cancel at any time before then and my card will not be charged.

3. That once my credit card is charged, there is no refund offered.

Have a special coupon?

4. If I'm using a coupon my receipt won't show the discounted amount (It'll show $7.95). However, I understand that it will go through as $2.95 when I am billed after the 7 day trial. (According to the current promotion, this discount applies to the first three months of my membership - and as long as I use the coupon in the checkout.)*

*Please note that after the 3 months, billing will revert to the regular monthly fee.
**The fee posted below is our standard billing fee (ie. using no coupon).

7-Day Free Trial, then $7.95 per Month (plus tax if applicable)
×