Crying in front of T?

rachel 2Member

I feel like a lot of you here are very comfortable crying in front of your T, and to say I'm jealous is an understatement. It's not just in front of my T, either, it's in front of anyone. I can honestly say that the last time I cried in front of someone was probably in elementary school, and I'm about to be a high school senior. I'ev definitely teared up in session a few times, but I've always been able to stop myself. T and I have talked about it plenty of times, and I've come to the conclusion that it's just who I am; I'm uncomfortable doing it because it makes me feel vulnerable. We actually spent an entire session about a year ago brainstorming ways to release emotion in front of others in a healthy way other than crying since that's basically off the table for me, and I think it helped. But for some reason I feel like T is making it a little game with herself to try and get me to cry in front of her. She hasn't really outright said it or anything, but in our last session before she went on maternity leave last week she kept making me talk about a friend of mine that passed away a couple months ago. She was asking me things like what my friend meant to me and stuff, and I nearly cracked and started crying but I didn't. At the end of the session T giggled and said, "Darn, almost got ya!" I'm not sure why it bothered me, but it did. Like, we've already established that I express my emotions in other ways because crying makes me so uncomfortable. In fact, we established it over a year ago. Why is she still so persistent?

6/6/147:31 PM

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lieseMember

Rachel

I always had a hard time crying in front of my therapist. It's a hard thing to do. Some people cry more easily but it's the way uou are. In my family growing up, emotions were to be avoided at all costs. I am very open to my kids emotions and yet sometimes they wish to be by themselves when they are crying. On another note, when they were in diapers still, they all hid somewhere when they had a poop. Even when they were 1. Maybe there are just some things we are wired to do in private? But you are not alone in this.

6/7/146:23 AM

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starfishMember

Hi Rachel,

I still haven't really cried properly in front of T after many many years. We have talked about it a lot, my fears and what might happen if I did. I don't think her goal has ever been to make me cry, more to understand what's behind my great fear of crying in front of anybody and to know I would be safe if it were her. We talked a lot about what she would do/what I would want her to do/not do if I did cry and that helped enormously.

Hope that helps a bit,

fishy

6/7/1410:48 AM

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beccaMember

Rachel, in another thread I mentioned after many years I finally openly cried with my T. She never ever pushed or prodded me to cry and the last thing she would ever do is tease me about it. I will have to admit though I felt a lot better afterward. Kind of like I made some tangible progress.

6/7/142:02 PM

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sapphire-blueMember

I don't cry very often in front of T (or at all really). But when I have this T has made it feel ok(ish). I often get to the point of needing to cry just at the end of the session, and that causes me a lot of pain. Crying alone in a toilet cubicle is not healing.

sb

6/8/143:31 AM

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ghostgirlMember

I don't cry in front of my T either. In fact there have times when I was crying inside and couldn't wait to be done with the session so I could go cry in the car on the way home. I do not cry in front of anyone. I save my tears for the shower where I can do it in private. When I was growing up tears were something that just brought on more punishment and abuse.

6/8/145:44 AM

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skylynxMember

Hi Rachel, I sure do relate to what you say about not crying. I saw myself where you said it even seems like a contest where T tries to get you to cry so she can say "got ya!" But my T is so sweet and gentle I feel guilty for even thinking she's that way. It probably comes from my past where domineering, mean aunts used to see if they could make me cry, because I was a tough, defiant little gal and wouldn't give them the satisfaction.
Just be patient with yourself, Rachel. Crying or not crying isn't a deal breaker in therapy, and you will do it when it comes naturally. Also, it doesn't need to be sobs. Just a little teary eye can be a good relief.
P.S. I haven't cried yet, either, after two and a half years of therapy. But I will when I feel ready.

6/8/1410:23 AM

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