X
Original Post
Replies sorted oldest to newest
Mine never have. For me it would be a slippery slope in that it might feel good once, but after that there would either be the expectation they would continue and I would be disappointed or (more likely with me) I would feel hunted down by them.
No, but I'm never out of contact long enough to give poor T a chance to on his own. I doubt he would, though, because he trusts me to check in when I need help.
Hi June...good question. For me never, no, nuh-uh. The *only* time my T ever initiates contact is when he has a billing question. ouchy, ouchy, ouchy.
Hm, I seem to have a hate on for my T today. I wonder why. Much easier to hate him than need him so much and not be able to have contact, no doubt.
I don't think most T's commonly initiate contact. It's supposed to be us "asking for what we need and reaching out." barf.
BB
Hm, I seem to have a hate on for my T today. I wonder why. Much easier to hate him than need him so much and not be able to have contact, no doubt.
I don't think most T's commonly initiate contact. It's supposed to be us "asking for what we need and reaching out." barf.
BB
The only time my P called to check on me in ten years was after a binge drinking episode where I had a total meltdown.
I was so surprised when he called and I remember I got the warm fuzzies that he cared enough to call. But never since then.
I was so surprised when he called and I remember I got the warm fuzzies that he cared enough to call. But never since then.
OldT would check up on me at times via email and once or twice via text. He would intermittently email me inspirational quotes and that meant SO MUCH to me. It was very healing and I loved them and I miss them.
My current T would never check on me unless maybe I was near death in the hospital... it's just something I feel he would never do. But he has generous contact policy and would feel that I was the one who should initiate anything if I needed him. He always reminds me I can call him, beep him or email him. He does not do texting... only because he hates typing on his iphone.
TN
My current T would never check on me unless maybe I was near death in the hospital... it's just something I feel he would never do. But he has generous contact policy and would feel that I was the one who should initiate anything if I needed him. He always reminds me I can call him, beep him or email him. He does not do texting... only because he hates typing on his iphone.
TN
nope, never. I would really appreciate someone who would do that for me. too bad...
My T has initiated contact a few times, but not often. Early on - when the trauma stuff was very strong, and I had not seen him or contacted him for a while, (I was probably running away in my head) he did call me to see if I was ok. Very occasionally (rarely) I will get a txt from him, but it is usually only when I initiate contact. Once he initiated contact by a txt, but he addressed it to Karen- and that is not my name, and boy did that cause an uproar inside me, but that is a whole other thread.
Hi June,
NEVER. EVER. NEVER, NEVER. The only time my T ever initiates contact is to reschedule an appointment. There was one time that might be considered an exception. My DH and I were out in California on vacation and he had an episode of atrial fibrillation and ended up in the hospital for four days. I ended up emailing my T very late (at least by NY Time) from my work email address. I forgot I had an auto out of office response set up. My T emailed me back and I saw his response in the morning, which was wonderful, but I didn't respond as it didn't seem called for and I was trying to get to the hospital. While I was at the hospital, I got a text on my phone, and thought it was one of my kids. I was totally shocked when I looked down and saw my Ts name. When he got my auto-reply, he was unsure as to whether I got his reply, so he texted me to tell me that and told me to call if I needed to. So technically, he was just trying to make sure I heard back from him. I really appreciated him following up like that, since it was a pretty drastic situation.
BUT, on the other hand, I lost my MIL, whom I dearly loved and who lived with us after a two day death watch and had my 15 yr old daughter tell me the following morning she was cutting and he didn't check in. I called him a number of times.
That's how it worked, he was readily available if I reached out to him (if you leave an emergency message, he gets back to you within an hour) but he didn't initiate. For me, this did two (well kinda three) very important things for me. I learned to ask for what I needed, I learned that if I asked, someone would consistently respond and I knew that he trusted me to be able to take care of myself. I think if he would have called me to check in, on a very deep level I would have thought he was worried about me and then I would have been more worried about myself.
This is another one of those areas where the theraputic relationship is SO unnatural. Anyone else in your life that was as close as your T/P is would call when you were facing really difficult circumstances (and there are T's who do call in those circumstances). What I'm really trying to say is that it's not a sign of a lack of care if your P does not contact you.
And I'm sorry for whatever it is that you're facing.
AG
NEVER. EVER. NEVER, NEVER. The only time my T ever initiates contact is to reschedule an appointment. There was one time that might be considered an exception. My DH and I were out in California on vacation and he had an episode of atrial fibrillation and ended up in the hospital for four days. I ended up emailing my T very late (at least by NY Time) from my work email address. I forgot I had an auto out of office response set up. My T emailed me back and I saw his response in the morning, which was wonderful, but I didn't respond as it didn't seem called for and I was trying to get to the hospital. While I was at the hospital, I got a text on my phone, and thought it was one of my kids. I was totally shocked when I looked down and saw my Ts name. When he got my auto-reply, he was unsure as to whether I got his reply, so he texted me to tell me that and told me to call if I needed to. So technically, he was just trying to make sure I heard back from him. I really appreciated him following up like that, since it was a pretty drastic situation.
BUT, on the other hand, I lost my MIL, whom I dearly loved and who lived with us after a two day death watch and had my 15 yr old daughter tell me the following morning she was cutting and he didn't check in. I called him a number of times.
That's how it worked, he was readily available if I reached out to him (if you leave an emergency message, he gets back to you within an hour) but he didn't initiate. For me, this did two (well kinda three) very important things for me. I learned to ask for what I needed, I learned that if I asked, someone would consistently respond and I knew that he trusted me to be able to take care of myself. I think if he would have called me to check in, on a very deep level I would have thought he was worried about me and then I would have been more worried about myself.
This is another one of those areas where the theraputic relationship is SO unnatural. Anyone else in your life that was as close as your T/P is would call when you were facing really difficult circumstances (and there are T's who do call in those circumstances). What I'm really trying to say is that it's not a sign of a lack of care if your P does not contact you.
And I'm sorry for whatever it is that you're facing.
AG
Generally no. There have been a small handful of times that T has initiated contact. Usually just regarding appt stuff like a need to reschedule or cancel. She did text me on her way to the airport before her big trip to say that she was thinking of me as she passed by my town and that she hoped I was doing okay. That meant so much to me that she did that. She also sent one from the airport at Thanksgiving letting me know she was getting ready to head back home. She has sent texts telling me she was thinking of me, but those followed me sending her a fax during the day which didn't require a response, but it was nice that she let me know she was thinking of me. Generally though she does not make contact unless I do first, but when I do she will respond barring any sort of glitch like her phone dying etc.
Not really. Once, I was late to a session because I had an emergency errand I had to run, and she did call me to find out if I was going to show up at all.
One time, I kept having difficulties getting an appointment in with her. I finally caved and called her office voice mail to see if I could schedule something directly with her (vs. her office staff). She called back from home from her cell phone just an hour later.
When I went to the session we scheduled, she asked if it would be helpful if she called to check in if I went missing for a few weeks or a month. I said, "Duh." (Actually, I just said, "I guess so," but I was thinking, DUH.)
One time, I kept having difficulties getting an appointment in with her. I finally caved and called her office voice mail to see if I could schedule something directly with her (vs. her office staff). She called back from home from her cell phone just an hour later.
When I went to the session we scheduled, she asked if it would be helpful if she called to check in if I went missing for a few weeks or a month. I said, "Duh." (Actually, I just said, "I guess so," but I was thinking, DUH.)
I can't say my T has never initiated contact, but its definitely rare. Out of hundreds of texts between us, I think she has only initiated 2 of them. Each of those she sent while she was on vacation and hadn't heard from me for a week or longer, which is unusual for me to go that long without contacting her, but I had gone into a numb phase to get through her absence.
I guess there has been one other time my T sorta "checked up" on me, but vicariously and not directly. About a month ago she made a phone call requesting a cop to stop by my house to do a "welfare check" on me.
I guess there has been one other time my T sorta "checked up" on me, but vicariously and not directly. About a month ago she made a phone call requesting a cop to stop by my house to do a "welfare check" on me.
quote:I said, "Duh." (Actually, I just said, "I guess so," but I was thinking, DUH.)
Ha, I have a lot of those sort of things.
"Duh," comes out, "I suppose you could say that."
"Yes," comes out as, "Um...sure!"
"No," comes out as, "I don't know," or "I'm not sure."
"You're clueless!" comes out as, "Not necessarily."
"You just really pissed me off!" comes out as either silence or, "I guess. I'm not sure I see the point in discussing this."
Hahaha. I should give him a Yaku-English dictionary!!!
We must speak the same language, Yaku 
One of my former T used to, especially at the beginning of the relationship. I am not used to people checking up on me in a sincere manner but I know her intention was probably to make me feel that she was reliable. Now, when i think of it, it makes me feel that she cared, she thought of me outside of session and was geniunely concern.
My present P would not contact me unless I asked him to. I like that. The ex C had wobbly boundaries so we won't go into what she would do. And the first T I had once actually dropped by where I lived which threw me, (it was before mobiles and I had no phone) and she was very worried about how I was. I then knew how much she cared but I think I sort of made it clear without SAYING that it was a bit too much of a shock for me, I actually felt my space was invaded to be honest, well meant though it was.
Tricky really.
Tricky really.
Can you imagine how many clients a T would attract if they put in their phone book advertisement on webpage ,"I personally contact each patient once daily with an individualized text message".
They would get so many clients!! And then all the other Ts would be like, "WTF is happening? Why am I not getting any new clients?"
Then they would have to get with the times and start texting their clients too and pretty soon that would be a standard part of therapy.
They would get so many clients!! And then all the other Ts would be like, "WTF is happening? Why am I not getting any new clients?"
Then they would have to get with the times and start texting their clients too and pretty soon that would be a standard part of therapy.
LG,
When you think of only one client, a text a day doesn't sound like all that much, but I know my T carrries a pretty full client load. Not every client comes weekly and he works with a lot of couples, so my guess is that at any one time he's carrying between 50-60 active clients. And then there are people like me who are no longer seeing him regularly, but that he still considers clients (hence his still responding to my emergency calls). Can you imagine having to send 60 text every day!? All of them individualized? They'd never have time to see anyone!
Hmmm, that provides a solution. A T who advertises carrying only one client at a time!
AG
When you think of only one client, a text a day doesn't sound like all that much, but I know my T carrries a pretty full client load. Not every client comes weekly and he works with a lot of couples, so my guess is that at any one time he's carrying between 50-60 active clients. And then there are people like me who are no longer seeing him regularly, but that he still considers clients (hence his still responding to my emergency calls). Can you imagine having to send 60 text every day!? All of them individualized? They'd never have time to see anyone!
Hmmm, that provides a solution. A T who advertises carrying only one client at a time!
AG
Sorry June, we cross posted. There was something I forgot to say in my reply to you which is that although I do not believe that your P doesnt' care, I do find it perfectly understandable that you WANT to hear from him. The nature of the relationship is that our T/P is someone we rely on and confide in, there is nothing more natural then us wanting to hear from them when we are facing difficult circumstances. I don't think there is anything wrong in you wanting the contact from him. I just wouldn't want you adding the belief he doesn't care on top of what you're already dealing with.
AG
AG
quote:Hmmm, that provides a solution. A T who advertises carrying only one client at a time! Big Grin
ROFL! Of course- my T will ditch all his other clients and choose *me!* (when hell freezes over)
quote:Originally posted by Attachment Girl:
LG,
When you think of only one client, a text a day doesn't sound like all that much, but I know my T carrries a pretty full client load. Not every client comes weekly and he works with a lot of couples, so my guess is that at any one time he's carrying between 50-60 active clients. And then there are people like me who are no longer seeing him regularly, but that he still considers clients (hence his still responding to my emergency calls). Can you imagine having to send 60 text every day!? All of them individualized? They'd never have time to see anyone!
Hmmm, that provides a solution. A T who advertises carrying only one client at a time!
AG
Yes ,that is a lot of texting! I like your proposal of only having one client at a time.
Or
perhaps they only text their "favorite" clients every day.
quote:perhaps they only text their "favorite" clients every day.
LG,
I laughed when I saw this because do you ever find yourself thinking, hey I know they're not supposed to, but of course Ts have favorites, the people they feel especially close to. I really do think I'm one those clients, that there really is something special about me.
Which goes swimmingly for me, until I wonder how many other of his other clients are thinking that?
It's like the statistic that 95% of drivers think they're in the top 5% of drivers.
(But between you and me, I know that we're really special.
)quote:(But between you and me, I know that we're really special. Wink)
Well, in my case, T definitely interacts with me with much more care than H, who he also sees...so I KNOW he likes me better than at least one other client. I'm sure it's definitely not because I'm so needy that I'm sending him several texts per week!!!
quote:Originally posted by Attachment Girl:quote:perhaps they only text their "favorite" clients every day.
LG,
I laughed when I saw this because do you ever find yourself thinking, hey I know they're not supposed to, but of course Ts have favorites, the people they feel especially close to. I really do think I'm one those clients, that there really is something special about me.
Which goes swimmingly for me, until I wonder how many other of his other clients are thinking that?
It's like the statistic that 95% of drivers think they're in the top 5% of drivers.
(But between you and me, I know that we're really special.
This made me laugh because I often think the same thing. Not that I'm T's favorite (although, of course I must be
), but I wonder if they have favorites. They would have to, surely?! Oh and of course I'm her favorite because T says she doesn't text with other clients, only me. I know it has nothing to do with favorites, but a girl can pretend, right?You know what is funny? I read the letter that T sent to the pdoc when I saw him and it said that, "STRM is one of the most delightful DID clients that I've ever worked with" and at first I took it at face value, but then started to wonder if "delightful" in T terms is like code words that realtors use. You know, a really "charming" or "cute" house is code for crappy and small.
So I started to wonder if I am truly "delightful" to her or if "delightful" is T code for pain in the ass! 
STRM
Trust me, that was no code word. I think delightful describes you perfectly!
And thanks for saying you think that way too, makes me feel a little better and not quite so foolish.
Trust me, that was no code word. I think delightful describes you perfectly!
And thanks for saying you think that way too, makes me feel a little better and not quite so foolish.
quote:He's keeping boundaries which makes him seem a bit detached as compared to the exP. I know it's necessary for him to do that in order to protect me, but it also makes me want to be detached so I don't get hurt again.
June,
I just wanted to tell you that even with my Wonder T I struggled with his detachment. There were a number of occasions I threatened to throw things at him. I know I'm joking but I really do understand just how painful that can be to run into. The truth is if a T doesn't maintain a certain level of detachment, they'll lost their ability to really help you. But it doesn't mean they don't care, they're actually doing something to make sure they don't fail you. I think one of the things that could make my T feel so brilliant was that even while he was maintaining his detachment, it was ok that I didn't have any and was completely attached. Only the T needs to do it, you don't.
AG
quote:Originally posted by Attachment Girl:
STRM
Trust me, that was no code word. I think delightful describes you perfectly!
And thanks for saying you think that way too, makes me feel a little better and not quite so foolish.
Awww, thanks. And you are welcome.
checking up on me-
He just did! What a surprise.
I don't see him much any more- maybe once a month.
Hele
He just did! What a surprise.
I don't see him much any more- maybe once a month.
Hele
quote:Originally posted by Mayo:
checking up on me-
He just did! What a surprise.
I don't see him much any more- maybe once a month.
Hele
That's awesome, Mayo! I'm sure that was a very pleasant surprise indeed.
quote:Originally posted by LadyGrey:quote:Originally posted by Mayo:
checking up on me-
He just did! What a surprise.
I don't see him much any more- maybe once a month.
Hele
That's awesome, Mayo! I'm sure that was a very pleasant surprise indeed.
Yes, indeed!