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my dad isn't doing well. he's dealing with melanoma (skin cancer) and just did a treatment for it on friday. i don't understand what they did but it sounds like they used liquid nitogen to try to burn off the cancerous growths, or at least the small ones. they also took a biopsy on the growth on his ear as it's very big and can't be dealt with any other way. he had it removd in the past (the growth) and it's come back with a vengence. he looks like he's been in a war! his ear is all bandaged, he has red marks on his face and neck, and his hand one, well, i'm not a doctor, but it's huge and has like a jelly-pussy-pouch under it the size of a loonie ! his arm is also swollen from his armpit to his fingers from growths on his lymph nodes. he's going in for a caterac operation monday... he also has leukemia (which is why the lymph nodes as swollen). he said he's tired of doctors, tired of being ill and having so much physically going on. he's just plain tired! he doesn't go out much, but sits and watches t.v. a lot. he is generally in a good mood though and has a good humour still.

i don't know why i'm writing this here. it's not as if you folks need or want the details!

i'm just sad.

scott
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Hi Scott,
I'm sorry, we went through a last difficult year with my MIL and watched her struggle with so many problems and I know how hard it is to watch someone you love going through this. Please take good care of yourself while taking care of your dad.

And I'm really glad you posted about it here. Being able to talk about it and share how you feel can really help you to handle it. I'll be praying for you and your dad.

AG
Scott,
I definitely think you're responding appropriately. It's a difficult balance, because you don't want to get too pessimistic or negative but at the same time you have to face reality. I know that with my mother-in-law there was a growing sense that things were going downhill and we needed to prepare ourselves. She lived with us, but both of my brother-in-laws lived out of town and it was very difficult for them to come to terms with the fact that she was dying when we were with her in the hospital the last time.

But by the time she went, she was ready to go, she was tired of feeling so ill and constricted and our ability to recognize and accept that reassured her and allowed her to be at peace when she let go. If there is someone who can face what's happening, in a sense, it gives someone the permission and strength to let go when they need to because they know someone is there to continue to take care of their loved ones. I know what you're going through is really difficult and it can feel almost like a betrayal to entertain the thought that things are getting so difficult, but it takes a lot of strength to face the truth and bear up under it. I think that's what you're doing.

Please feel free to come and talk about how you're feeling anytime.

AG
It's so hard to see someone you love die. I'm sorry man. I think that the best you can do ius really be with him where he is at. It seems that he has reached the point of acceptance, which is a hard stage for most close friends and family members to accept. The best thing you can do is sit there, wtch tv, laugh, and if he wants talk about what is happening to him. Also, take care fo yourself. I have not had someone as close as a parent pass yet...so I am lucky. I don't even know how I would do...hang in there.

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