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12 replies

Date night?

F findingmyway 2Member
I have a strange question that should probably be a lot more straightforward than it seems to me:

I met this guy and have been out with him to dinner and a concert, and he wants to come over for a private music lesson, to meet my puppy, and just to see each other again. I would like to say yes, but two things are on my mind:

(1) My house is somewhat dorm-like - I'm a student, so function is more important than appearance here. Is that something to mention or just let it be?

(2) I struggle with an eating disorder, so the kinds of food I have are basically foods that I can make and eat easily without too much thought. To maintain a healthy intake, it has been easiest not to cook food but to rather use packaged foods, like luna bars, veggie burgers, and the like. So, what if he wants something to eat? What do people have in their refrigerators to offer guests?

Clearly, I almost never have people over, but I really do want to be able to have him over. He's someone that really brightens my day, and I don't want to run from that for silly emotional baggage reasons. Actually, my psychological fears - of trust, intimacy, and, as a summative generalization, eating - are the reason I have so few friends and have never taken a date to the point of actually kissing the guy. Any advice on these very basics of how to have company over? (I can't actually believe that this is my biggest hurdle in this scenario )
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room2growroom2growCo-moderator
This would totally confuddle me, too.

I'd give him the heads up that you're house is not used to guests - If I were in your shoes, I'd probably freak out and try to change things so my house was more "adult like" but logically I'd try to convince myself to just make sure the house is clean, and not try to change anything else.

Food wise (first, I empathize with you - I am recovering from an ED as well, and am in the same - quick/thoughtless foods) what if you ordered in from a safe restaurant that you can eat from? That way you could have the meal part literally taken care of for you - complete with utensils and napkins!

Whatever you end up doing, good luck, and please keep us posted!
armoredheartarmoredheartMember


Sometimes I ask people if there is anything they specifically like, or try to think back to what I know of them and get that special something just for their visit.

I really like the idea of a safe restaurant used to take some of the pressure off. And I agree that other than things being clean and comfortable, your best bet is presenting yourself as is, because that's who you want him to really get to know.

I have a very similar foods at home, but I've found that other than something to drink, most people who visit turn down offers for much else anyway. So I figure if the bathroom and living room are clean, I try to just focus on enjoying the person's company as much as possible.

(And I've learned that fabreeze and candles are my friend because we have 2 dogs that get on everything. I love it when I spray fabreeze 5 seconds before company, and they say wow your house smells so clean!! lol little do they know what my furry kids actually smell like!! Big Grin)

Best luck, I'm sure it will be great! Smiler
aboutaboutMember


Hello,

I'd say, for the room, you can say that it is your student room, and that it is therefore not very decorated: I think that anyone who has been a student can understand that! My own room is more of the "gigantic mess" kind, and I am always so scared to have people judging me for this, but up until now... no one has (or has acted on it Razzer )

For the food: it depends what you are planning, and all the ideas mentioned by the others are great. When someone comes over for lunch/dinner/whatever eating, I also sometimes ask them to bring the drinks for example, so that I don't worry about EVERYTHING. I am not sure it is doable for you, but if it helps, people generally thinks it's quite fair.

Good luck
jillannjillannMember
FMW. How exciting. A budding friendship , maybe something more.

I would plan to have him round in the early afternoon. Have your music lesson, meet the dog, then maybe go for a nice walk in a park. Then if your still having a good time either pick up some takeout and head back to your apartment, or go out to a nice resteraunt.

If you did that I think all you would need at your apartment would be a veggie tray. You can get that cheaply at any grocery store and I don't generally find carrot sticks and celery and such too triggery.

I wouldn't worry at all about your place. Have you seen most men's apartments? My husbands was horrid. I stay on my son constantly about his room but I am sure when he is on his own it is going to be a disaster!

Have a great time. Focus on enjoying the time with your new friend. And do please let us know how it goes!

Jillann
F findingmyway 2Member
quote:
Whatever you end up doing, good luck, and please keep us posted!


Room2Grow, Thanks for the support and help. The restaurant idea is actually a great one - there's so much to just walk to around here anyways. It's nice to know that my fear doesn't sound completely crazy

quote:
I really like the idea of a safe restaurant used to take some of the pressure off. And I agree that other than things being clean and comfortable, your best bet is presenting yourself as is, because that's who you want him to really get to know.


Armored, so many helpful hints. Thanks Smiler Definitely just being myself was probably what I needed to hear . . . I'm glad you thought of that

About, I never did think of something as simple as asking him to bring something over. I admit, I'm not so tidy during finals, but a little motivation to spruce up is a good reason to have him over!

Jillann, I wish we could do a walk. Unfortunately, there's a winter storm in this part of the states, so indoors is a necessity this week. Actually, a veggie tray is a really clever item to have on hand as a snack. He's really a sweet guy, so I do need to listen to your advice and relax a bit. I didn't even notice that I was eating dinner the last time I saw him because we were having such a great conversation! Thanks for reminding me that whole aspect of men not typically being too tidy. I guess with so many female neighbors who are young professionals and up, I just haven't made note of how men keep their apartments. But, the stories I have heard of my dad's old place do seem to mimic your recollection of your husband's apartment Smiler

Thanks for the encouragement. I'll keep you guys posted and will put this advice to good use Smiler
F findingmyway 2Member
He came over Smiler. We ate dinner at a restaurant down the street. He taught me some music. We watched musicians and talked for hours. And, he gave me my first kiss (I know, being 21 that shouldn't be a big deal - or a first - but, as weird as it was and as probably awkward as I seemed to him, it was a first that was with a good person). I just can't stop ruminating now about whether he felt good or weird about it . . . so I'd say that was a good night Smiler

Thank you everyone for the help. It really honestly turned out great and he was so much fun that food was the last thing on my mind, even while eating!
F findingmyway 2Member
Thank you guys Smiler. I don't know if he'll end up calling back or not, but the great thing is that I waited for my first try at a relationship when I'm really secure enough to not deal with the emotional chaos to an extreme - it's not like I don't have emotion; I just have so much self-worth that I don't think his opinion of me is really that important if he decides not to call. I feel like it was such a perfect night, and I never would have said yes to him even coming if I didn't have this forum to get some support. Thanks again Smiler

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