same here, muff.

spent last Friday evening with my mother and sister. sister was very animated and "sucking up" to mother, it seemed to me. things a normal, healthy daughter would do: lending an arm, getting lemonade, bringing findings from the garden mother couldn't walk down to in order to enjoy them on her own. sister is inches taller than me and longer legs and seemed to me she would scoot ahead of me to "beat me to the punch" and she would! i didn't have a chance. never did. always was the smaller, least significant one, even though i know sister's feelings about mother are less than pure. interesting dynamic. at the end of the evening they wanted to lolly-gag at things they deemed injust, and i actually pleaded that i be left off at home. i just couldn't stand it anymore. i could never compete. i could never keep up with those two. but it always seemed there was something wrong with me for not being able to relate with them. but now? i think i was on to something all along: I never wanted to be like them even though i felt pressure to be like them. to this day i'm glad i'm not.

not to sound defeated, but invisibility has always just been easier. maybe for different reasons than you, but i can relate. makes therapy that much more difficult. life, too.

(((muff)))