DaRock,

Well, at least you will find out. No harm in that, right? The intensity of the emotions eventually lessens but it's not an easy process, at least for me. Maybe you just needed more relief in between. Were you seeing her a lot?

hi liese, i was seeing her 5 days per week.
it was an analysis.
she is convenient and afforable and that will be hard to find.
i guess there is no way to find out other than trying to find someone else. i wish i had a way of knowing if in fact it would be easier w someone else.

i think with this T the main problem is that between sessions, when things get hard, its impossible for me to connect with her, im too dissociated so i cant bring her up in my mind to make myself feel better. and during sessions even sometimes im disociated and its hard to connect with her. my fantasy is that someone else with a stronger presence will be easier to connect to and carry w me outside the sessions.

liese i dont remember if you addressed this but have you had different T's and was it pretty much the same w all or did some make it easier than others?

DaRock,

I saw a woman T for about 8 months before my current T. The intensity of the emotions have been overwhelming at times for both but a bit scarier with the woman because I didn't know what was going on. I thought I was going crazy.

The woman was different than my current T in that she would treat my emotions as if they were coming from the past and only coming from the past and wouldn't acknowledge her role in anything. She just jumped right into drawing the lines to the past and I wasn't ready for that yet. She was also a bit more confrontational with my distorted thinking and I couldn't handle that either.

Maybe you were seeing her too much? When I was seeing current T, I had phobia of mental contents as well as fear of attachment and intimacy issues. It was hard for me to see him as it would bring up intense feelings I'd rather avoid.

Maybe you need someone who will deal with you in the present. Maybe analysis destabilizes you too much?

analysis may destabilize me too much. that is for sure.
i think i have a lot of borderline traits and analysis is supposed to be most helpful for this, at least thats what i have been told because supposedly you can really change your patterns with the T. but what happens is that i get into these power struggles and all but one of my T's always loses because i wind up pushing them away.
the one T who was able to help i couldnt afford but he kept me aware of how i was pushing him away where as other T's always seem to just allow me to do it and i never know if im doing it or if its real, that this person should be pushed away.

how did you deal w the intense feelings w current T? what do you mean fear of mental contents?

quote:

i never know if im doing it or if its real, that this person should be pushed away.

That has to be a pretty scary place to be, not knowing whether you can trust yourself or the other person.
DaRock, I can tell that you are commited to figuring this all out. It sounds like you're really starting to take notice of when things are coming from you and when they are coming from other people.

It's very sad that the T's have fallen victim to the power struggle.


I had/have lack of trust in self issues and what I've noticed as I've continued with therapy is that as I become more in touch with my own feelings and start to trust them, other people's opinions don't throw me off so much.

Maybe you need someone to help you to build a stronger sense of yourself first before you start the analysis portion. It sounds like you still have some mighty defense mechanisms going on there that no one has managed to help you chop through.


Pierre Janet (first one to identify specific symptoms of trauma) discovered that not only did people have phobias of things outside themselves but also had phobias of mental contents: thoughts and feelings we try to avoid. So, if seeing T brings those feelings up, I'll try to avoid seeing him, right? Does that make sense?

I've just had to let myself experience the intensity of the feelings. It's NOT easy. My T told me that I was all pain when I first came to see him and he speculated that there were very few positive feelings in my FOO. The positive feelings that have grown because of my relationship with him counteracts the negative emotions now. I'll even start to feel a negative emotion and just say to myself, I don't want to go there. There is no reason to go there.

I've also grown to trust him over the years and so something that might have caused me extreme upset in the past causes me minimal discomfort now and that carries over into real life. So, the intensity lessens.

I did something two weeks ago that caused a bit of a problem for me in the intensity department and I had a bit of a hard time containing it. It's going to be a process for me.

DR I do 5 day a week analysis as well and have borderline traits at times, though they've reduced a lot since continuing intensive analysis. I have found it the best approach by far for my own issues. But my T has super firm boundaries and had told me he can't always be there for me when I need him. Gradually I've been able to internalise a positive image of him to hold onto but it took years of pain and anguish and I can lose it during long breaks. It's really, relly hard work and excrucuatingly painful at times, hence IMHO there needs to be a massive commitment on the patients part to hang in there when it gets tough.

hi. yes i may do that for a while, drop the analysis. my defenses are really intense, yeah. ive been told before i was not suited for analysis right now but get this, i myself am a therapist, although i only do it part time and i only do evaluations, i dont do long term treatment.
what do you mean by FOO?
i totally understand the mental contents part. it makes complete sense. i think mental contents are scarier than the things we try to avoid.
i may call a couple of T's tomorrow.
thanks for talking with me liese. have a nice night. im off to bed.

FOO - family of origin. LOL!

Lol!
Foo in some languages, my native language is used to describe a bad taste...
Funny Liese. Enjoy your day!