Does anyone else deal with a lot of confusion in the area of trying to make a decision, to the point where you just kind of shut the process down and *don't* do it, and allow the path of least resistance to sweep you along? I find the confusion involved in even the smallest decisions mentally painful, like an interior chaos that I can't deal with unless somebody really nice that I trust, steps in and says: "think this." Then it becomes problematic when two people I trust disagree. Who do I follow?

I'm dealing with this in T. It's kinda core issue I guess, and one I find very, very difficult to change. It has something to do with self-motivation> Maybe? I don't know what to call it, or how to define it.

For example, recently I contacted a couple T's just to see if I could potentially get some sessions to help deal with my intense grief about my T, and not being able to have the contact with him I need. It was tough to make myself do that, and it felt like another person doing that, or something. They would have to be a durn cheap T, tough, otherwise I'll have to do without. I got 3 replies- one I was able to nix cause the lady, although very inexpensive sessions were a potential, scared me and I realize I could *not* work easily with a female T. So decision made by emotion of fear. the other two were opposites- I think. One very nice, easy-going guy says he works with and encourages attachment, and the other is a psychotherapist, equally nice, stricter kind of which attracts me to him more, for some reason- who says he tends to not encourage attachment, but try to help the client develop outside relationships in order to help the client live a healthier life. they are both nice. I can't figure out where I stand- and I am clueless as to where my T stands. I would go with what my T thinks on this issue, because he is the nicest one of all. He has said some contradictory things on the issue of attachment, and I'm confused about his position, should I even be attached to him...according to him.

My mind is all confused with a lot of conflicting, complicated thoughts and ideas. How can a person make a decision, what is good for them to do therapy-wise, in a state like this? Can anyone relate to this mental confusion I'm talking about? I'm trying to name it and/or frame it, so I can stand it. It makes me feel really helpless. I wouldn't even mind being this helpless, if my T would take my hand, but I think he doesn't quite understand where I am coming from with this, as I can't quite find the words to frame my experience of it, and the level of my confusion and helplessness. I'm thinking I need someone to *teach* me, to help me form some kind of baseline thought and ability- for lack of better way to express it. It might have gotten a little better since starting with my T. Weirdly, I can form strong opinions about things, staunchly defend positions but let them go quite easily, unless they are an issue that goes right to the core of me in an emotional way, something really long-held and ingrained from childhood, and then researched and painstakingly embraced. Otherwise- I have no opinions although I can come across as quite opinionated. arrrgh.

Am I alone with this one? Can anybody relate or have a similar experience or problem?

BB