It's taken me a year to allow myself to start being vulnerable with my T. My last session, yesterday, I was especially vulnerable. My T seemed very caring and connected with me. She commented that she loved this vulnerable place I was in and encouraged me to stay there and feel all the feelings and treat myself gently.

Then, she threw me a curveball. She mentioned that I only have 9 sessions left (this plan year that ends June 30). She wants to see me weekly still, because of the place I'm in and the work I'm doing. She'd like to see me twice, but knows I can't. My anxiety rose inside thinking about what I would do after February. If I go four months without therapy, I'll close back up completely. Since I was taken aback, I just said okay, whatever she thought was best.

After I got home, still upset about my therapy ending, I remembered her also saying that she wanted to do weekly because it would help me faster, as opposed to going down to every other week and then monthly, like she usually does when she gets to termination with her clients.

I'm freaking a bit because now I'm thinking that she's going to terminate me. I am so far from feeling ok. In fact, she even said I'm at the deepest, hardest part of my journey. How can I possibly be done in 9 sessions? And now I don't see her for 2 weeks because of the holidays so I can't even get confirmation of what she meant. I've posted before that she doesn't do calls or emails - but even if she did I couldn't bring myself to use either.

How have others dealt with sessions ending and knowing you have a long way to go?