HB
I am sorry you are hurting by this change in your life. I was very touched by your story about your last visit. I am so glad that you have the closure you needed, even though I am sure right now it does not seem like enough to you. It was so inspiring to hear how your T responded to your letter. You will always have that to treasure. People-even really important people-come and go in our lives. I believe for a reason, You are a very strong person, and this transition will be hard for even you. But I know you will make it through, and you will learn and grow from it. Your relationship with your T has helped to shape who you are. So, in a way, he is a part of you now. Does that make sense? I am glad you can still call him from time to time if you need to. Of course we want you to keep us posted how you are doing.
We are here for you.

quote:

Originally posted by Hummingbird:
And then when my time was up i said goodbye and walked away.
HB

Why does reading this part make me cry? I had to close my office door and grab a tissue for Pete's sake. Seriously.

HB, thanks for sharing this. It was moving. Do you feel like you're ready for your new independence? I hope you do.

Be well.
Russ

((((((((HB))))))))
Do you have any idea what an incredible thing you just did? The relationship was ending, you were really hurting, but your response to that was to open up, make yourself vulnerable and express your true feelings. What a gift for both you and your therapist. And for that matter, his other patients. Letting him know that how he is working is doing you good allows him to have confidence with his other patients. And the ways that you have changed him will continue to echo in other people's lives as he shares that newfound knowledge.

So you are incredibly amazing!

But I also know that its sad and painful to say goodbye. I'm with Russ, I'm tearing up reading this because I know what its like to leave someone who means so much to you. But as painful as the separation is in the here and now, know that you'll always carry him with you because the change that you and he brought about will always be part of you.

I really, really wish I lived a lot closer to South Africa, 'cause I'd really like to give you a real hug, a big pot of tea and some company.

AG

Oh HB! I am so proud of you! This is a VERY big highlight of your courage career!!!! I know this must feel bittersweet, but think back to where you were and where you are now! You've left the nest and look... YOU'RE FLYING!!!!!

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!! ((((((HB))))))) I know it's scary to be flying solo, but I believe in you! You will always have him with you and you can always go back to this post and read his words... you have changed him as much as he has changed you! That is AMAZING to think about. I am so happy for you!

-CT

HB, I am so proud of you. You did something that alot of others wouldn't be able to do. You went full circle with your therapy ending with a bitter but sweet ending...... A beautiful way to say goodbye. No doubt you both have walked away with gifts aquired from each other.

"He said that with some people therapy stays a superficial connection but with others of which he said i was one, it changes him as much as it changes us. And then he thanked me for what i had written and said that all the things i had said were true."

I saw this session as if it were a love story between client and therapist.

This is for you:

I was on a train on a rainy day. The train was slowing down to pull into a station. For some reason I became intent on watching the raindrops on the window. Two separate drops, pushed by the wind, merged into one for a moment and then divided again—each carrying with it a part of the other. Simply by that momentary touching, neither was what it had been before. And as each one went to touch other raindrops, it shared not only itself, but what it had gleaned from the other. I realized then that we never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace.

Forni, P.M. (2002). Choosing civility. New York: St. Martin's Press

Be well...... we are here for you and listening
Wiz

BTW....... HB, my eyes watered when I read your posting. I hope that when (I HOPE NEVER) need to terminate with my therapist that my last session goes like yours. Thank you for sharing that part of you. It is invaluable

Wiz

WOW...HB....

That is so great!!! I am so happy for you....and sad too. It sounds like you had a "beautiful goodbye". A paradoxical experience is always a bittersweet one. But they are also some of the most important ones because they embody and contain the conflict. It is difficult to stay in that place of sadness and joy and experience them both at the same time, and it sounds like you were able to get that. Carpe Diem!!!

I have been trying so hard to get to that point of "good termination." I know I have been talking about ending my therapy with my T....and struggling with that. I continue to struggle and often think it would be easier if I were moving away. But I am not...and I will not end my therapy with this T until I can find a way to have a satisfactory termination for both of us. I've been working on it for the last year....and I still can't find the way. Either I'm just not done....or she isn't....whatever the reason...I will probably stick it out until I can find that beautiful goodbye.

I admire you for navigating these very tricky waters. Terminations are so difficult and I have never had one that I considered a good one. I think that how we end these relationships often impacts/colors the entire experience. So a meaningful termination is very important. I have had several T's tell me that terminations are the most difficult part of therapy for them and that they often do not receive enough training or have enough experience in creating good terminations for their clients. It sounds like your T handled it very well....because you handled it very well.

Congratulations...you get the validictorian spot!!! You got through this stint in therapy with a 4.0!
(((((HB)))))

SD

quote:

I have had several T's tell me that terminations are the most difficult part of therapy for them and that they often do not receive enough training or have enough experience in creating good terminations for their clients.

Terminations are hard for therapists as they too, become attached ..... there's no amount of experience that will make saying good bye any easier.

Wiz

HB,

Thank you for telling us about your final session. It sounds amazing and painful. I hope you are able to remember your goodbye and how much you both meant to one another.

thinking of you,

HB

Thank you so much for sharing this experience with us. It sounds like you handled yourself with grace and dignity, and him, too.

For those of us who have as one of our greatest fears the termination of therapy, this story is inspirational.

How ya doin now?

Hi HB... I too was touched by your description of your last session. While it was truly bittersweet, I think you both handled it very well and I think you are an inspiration to all of us. While terminations are never easy, I'm glad that you were both able to take away good things from it. As much as you carry a part of your T with you inside, he will also keep a part of you and what he learned from you. He will be a different and better T because of having you for his client.

All that said... we are here for you if you should need support going forward.

TN

I admire you both for your bravery!

Are either of you planning on seeing a new T?

HB-sorry about how difficult your day has been. Moving is sort of that way, huh?!

Summer-Good job standing up for yourself and your needs!

Summer-

I wanted to let you know that I have had to avoid posting about your sudden termination with your T in order to protect myself I haven't been in a good place and... well, frankly, the thought of suddenly being without my T is not something I can think about right now!

However, my heart is with you. I know these days must be hard and confusing, but I believe the you will come out of it with much to hold onto. I am amazed at your strength and your ability to stand up for yourself when you felt like you were not getting what you needed. And FYI, I do think everything happens for a reason, but we may never know that reason. And sometimes, I don't think that reason is ours to know.

HB- I'm sorry you've had the day from hell, but am glad that you haven't packed yourself in a box to get away from it all (might be a good idea if it gets really rough!) Keep walking, one foot in front of the other, and get all those house guests to help pack! I know moving can be rough, but all I can see right now is HB, a few weeks from now, all settled in with a big ol' grin on her face! Like this actually--> How good it will feel to be settled and begin this new part of your life!

-CT

HB

I'm welling up like the others...this is an inspiration to the rest of us that there is life after T...thank you.

L