I know what you mean, I have been there for the last couple of months. I think I'm coming out of it, but things still seem pretty unbearable right now. (And my T being out of town for 3 weeks now, and won't be back for another 2, is NOT helping things!)

I'm trying to take things one day at a time, one issue at a time. As long as I get one thing done in my personal life that needs to get done, I am happy with myself. Sometimes even that doesn't get done - I'm trying to refinance the house through the bailout and gathering all the paperwork has been next to impossible although it should be easy. I'm just trying to get one piece of this done a day and now all I have left is to write the hardship letter and it's ready to mail. One thing down, 20,000 to go!

I think just knowing that I'm actually tackling something, no matter how small, instead of not tackling anything at all, is helping me come out of it.

(((((SongBird))))

OW

Awe SongBird, I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling so lost and alone. Yu know deep inside that you mean something and that you are doing good. I won't say that I know you are are doing good, because I don't know you other than words on a screen. You need to look within yourself and find your strength that got you through all of the BS that you had to deal with when you were growing up. Pull yourself up and remind yourself of the good and wonderful things that you, and only you know that you have done and accomplished in your life, and most of all make note of your own efforts to help yourself.

If I could I'd give you a hug and tell you that you'll be okay in time. I hope that you have some close friends or family that you can lean on during this upsetting time for you.

Have faith in yourself woman, get out of your bed and put one foot infront of the other and tend to the things that you need to do. It will be a struggle and possibly one of the hardest things you will ever have to do for yourself. So look after yourself and live YOUR life!!

Holly

OW, I'm glad you're coming out of it because if you feel anything like me, it stinks! Thanks so much for reminding me to take one thing at time. Seems so obvious reading it, but I keep forgetting and try to scale the whole molehill-mountain in one go and yes, then not doing anything at all because it looks so much!

I've been thinking the reason it all blows out of proportion is feeling disapproval about my situation and blaming myself for it too. So instead of seeing the situation for what it is I see myself reflected in it.

I hope your stuff will go well OW!!!


Holly, thanks for your encouragement, I'll try! Having faith in myself is not something that comes natural, you've spotted that right But I also think I have to stop picking myself up in the usual fashion. Can't explain it too well, but applying brute force is just not quite right any more. Does that make sense?

And thanks for thinking of me OW, Holly - it means a lot to me!

SB

quote:

I also think I have to stop picking myself up in the usual fashion. Can't explain it too well, but applying brute force is just not quite right any more. Does that make sense?

My gosh, SB, yes that makes sense to me! I am there right now also! It's hard to explain, isn't it! I have always regulated/motivated myself by being awful, mean and forceful, but it's almost like I can't find that anger/hatred within myself very often these days!?!? I'm realizing that there is a better more efficient way to motivate myself, but it's hard to learn to rely on it. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that YES, it makes sense to me!

-CT

quote:

What is your usual way of picking yourself up?

Holly, that is a good question. It's a lot to do with closing my eyes, taking a deep breath and then applying everything I've got to the problem in question. Usually that's way too much which might cause damage to others and myself (I used to get these bad migraines) and as I'm closed off in/to the process can't fine-tune nor learn anything afterwards. And I have to completely not listen to myself to do it. Not good.

And yes, thanks for asking Holly, I have some lovely shoulders to cry on! I'll figure our how to use the messaging tool on this site in the next few days for a chat, thanks for offering

CT, I think the motivator for me is often sheer defiance, I WILL NOT ... blah blah insert offending situation. But is sure feels a step in the right direction to let myself feel overwhelmed and see what lies within/beyond that. After all I do have some help now to snatch me back from the brink so to speak, you lovely people on the forum being a big one! But it does feel like walking in banana skins - I'm very uncertain on how to move and it hurts too. So it's good to see you know what I'm talking about - I have so much self-doubt and reminds me that I'm not making up how I feel and think!

SB

Hi SB

That makes sense, and I can see why you would want to change that way of picking yourself up.
I'm glad that you have some supports around you, I can't imagine not having anyone to help me keep on keepin on

I haven't figured out how to carry a quote over to my messages from another message, let alone use the messaging tool. I'd love to chat when you feel up to it

Be well!

Holly

Thanks Holly !