My therapist has me keep this mood/pain chart thing... I chart my mood and pain on a 1-10 scale each day. I always find it rather hard because my mood is so changeable but I just take the overall score I think is best.. anyways, today, I wrote a poem about this mood thing.. my expression of my depression or mood I suppose. I haven't written any poetry in a few months so yeh.. here it is.

Ups and downs
this mood never settles
twists and turns
it can be silent or set off like a kettle

thorns and needles
drip pain filled blood
tears fall silently within

several nights
no sleep
mind awake
mind racing
up all night
restless
turning

daylight erupts
electrified awake
the long driven night
ignites a fury of day
cat like prowess
for awhile it lasts

than crash and fall
collapse
drugs take hold
anxiety softens
sweet sleep comes
slumber away

the night terrors of REM
bizzare dreams
flighty trips
but sweet sleep is worth it?
I feel better after it all

Days and days
hours change
I taje survey of the day
I really do not know
in general im sad
or in general im happy
but in reality it changes
one little thing here
or some odd thing there
I'm exhuberent and stimulated by a crowd
yet likely to fall into a crash
for the energy is zapped from my soul

My brain, I wonder
is an odd thing
The energy I like
when it decided to have it
but most times it doesnt
and most times its just hard

when Im focused on something
some greater thing in life
this tends to help energize it
starts the electrifying process
neurons firing
rapid action wiring
but now im too tired
and think
cell death is rapidly occuring

it's all hard to describe
words sometimes fail me
but I did my best
for what my mood will allow me...