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4 replies

derealization / depersonalization? lost sense of self

J janedoeMember
I saw my T today and it was hard. Just before my appointment, I was triggered in a huge way. I had some time to try to re-ground, but nothing worked very well. When I went to the appointment, I was super numb, and frustrated that I was numb. Everything felt very surreal. (I think I had the kind of dissociation that some people describe as being depersonalizion and derealization? Are those the “technical” words used when self and everything around feels unreal/surreal?) I could hear my voice, and it was my voice, my words, me, but yet it was like I was hearing my own voice in a detached way.

All my senses felt weird. They seemed heightened and like everything had the same importance – the cars on the street were just as much in my awareness as the sound of my feet on the ground and my T talking with me. Lights seemed very bright. I didn’t feel distracted, but felt like I was focused on e v e r y t h i n g.

I feel like I can’t find me. I feel like I am all over the place in my life today. I feel like I am almost trying to find the edge or boundary of my “self” but can’t find it. It’s really unsettling. I keep trying to remind myself that I’m not crazy… or so my T says…

Has anyone else ever felt this way?
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yakusokuyakusokuMember
Mine is similar, but a bit different. I don't feel like I am me or in me. My limbs don't feel right, my face doesn't feel like my own...I'm not sure I'm describing this right. I feel like I'm looking up at the world from underwater, pressure all around, nothing is quite clear, it doesn't look right, feel right, sound right. For me, it is muted and muffled. It's like being caught in a perpetual moment of being underwater and needing air, but being too far down to break through the surface, a slightly suffocated feeling.
ladygreyladygreyMember
I sometimes feel this way too, but it is usually associated with caffeine or some other type of substance. However, I can think of a few times when I was highly emotionally activated and everything seemed so loud, bright, clear, colorful. I felt very out of synch with my surroundings...almost as if I was a ghost and people could have walked right through me.
mayomayoMember
The other spectrum is where I feel like I'm behind some sort of plexi-glass wall and I can see everything going on outside of me, but I'm unable to interact with it. It's as if there is me and then everything else and I'm totally disconnected and can't quite get plugged into it all. (By strm)

That is what I used to experience. Like detached from the world, looking out through my own eyes- a bit inside myself. I have not had this in about a year. Being triggered can brig this on for me.
yakusokuyakusokuMember
quote:
Sometimes I get lost in a thought and I'm aware more of those but I've found what happens for times I'm less likely to remember is that things go fuzzy. My body feels fuzzy and my vision gets relaxed and then it's like I see nothing (it's not that I consciously see nothing, it's like I'm focused on nothing) and it feels like... a swipe like a giant paint brush going across me always from right to left. I've noticed I will change my posture as soon as this happens and that seems to help me get out of it.



I get this experience in session quite frequently. Occasionally it happens at home and I don't notice people trying to interact with me (sometimes H or my daughter). H has yelled at me for "ignoring" them. Frowner

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