I'm so sorry you keep crying and it doesn't feel safe to show that in front of your family. It's not fair to you for things to be that way.

I don't know what you should do, but maybe if you let yourself cry really hard for a while, it would get the tears out of the way?

I hope you find a good solution

(((((JANE)))))

Why not just give yourself permission to cry? It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot of emotions over the holidays. Can you lie in bed and just cry until you don't feel like crying anymore? And then get up and take a nice hot shower? I cry a lot too Jane. It's hard to stop the tears sometimes.

Christmas is over and equine T is made herself available to you. I think you should call her if you think it would help.

Take care of yourself first. Take a nice hot bath. A walk is a great idea. Hey, how about going to see a movie by yourself. You can cry all you want there. Or visit the library just to get away from them all.



xoxox

Liese

Jane,

I usually have the opposite problem, so I'm not sure I am much help, but I'm so sorry that you are hurting so much right now. ((((hugs))))

I think maybe fighting the tears could prolong them. As has been suggested, maybe just find somewhere safe to let them out. Another way that might work is to journal about the actual thoughts and feelings that are coming out. That way, they are getting expressed, not just going in circles inside.

I know you don't want to call your T, but if she offered, I think it really is OK with her. Perhaps just talking to her or leaving a message could be really grounding for you. I'm sure she'll be pleased that you reached out when you needed to. That is one way of taking care of yourself!

Jane,
I think ifyou can get ahold with your equine T a little support from a trusted person could help a bit right now. Also, if your eyes get puffy "hopefully not" if you can get a little ice...I've done that and it helped. If your brother is supportive as I believe you had said he was before then he may be able to understand. I hope you won't feel bad though for feeling bad because I think you have been really hurt by your father's actions and it is understandable. I hope peace for you.
Hopeful

I'm so sorry you're hurting <3

Maybe these things might help:
go for a walk, a hot bath or shower, eat some chocolate, listen to music (pick opposite of how you are feeling - so upbeat music), journal, read, meditate, call someone and cry it out

You've gotten great suggestions so far Jane, and while I can't add to them, I just wanted to give you a hug ((((Jane))))

(((((Jane)))))))

A lot of people have suggested similar things but I find when I feel the way that you do that part of what prolongs the tears is that I am fighting them so hard. I have found something that works for me is that when I know I can have a set time alone, say 10 minutes, I give myself permission to let the tears come and let it get as intense as it gets without fighting it or trying to stop the crying. I let that go for 10 minutes but at the end of the 10 minutes, I stop. But when I stop I also tell myself that I am not stopping for all time, that I know it's important to listen to myself and hear my feelings, which is why I let them come out for 10 minutes, and that even though it is not safe right now to continue, I know that I am heading towards safety in the future when it will be safe to stop again and listen to myself. And that I know I am strong enough to contain myself until then.

It diverts your energy from an impossible task, which is trying to NOT have your feelings, to a possible one which is just containing them for a time.

I am sorry it's so hard Jane, you really have been through so much lately that it's no wonder you're having trouble not crying.

And I would REALLY recommend calling your T. Contact with an attachment figure, no matter how brief, can really help us to regulate how we're feeling. It will also allow you to experience and not just "know" that you have a place of safety to which to return.

AG

Thank you so much everyone! I've been reading your posts on my phone while trying to get through this day. Thank you so much fo the support and ideas - it has helped tremendously. I will write more soon.

Alpaca ~ yeah, it is so painful that it is wrong to have any pain or emotion of sadness around my family. I got awfully defensive of my little baby niece too. My mother actually started complaining about how much she was crying (which was not much at all) - SHE IS 3 MONTHS OLD! If a 3 month old can't cry like they need to... sigh. Thanks for your hugs and support ALpaca.

Liese ~ I did finally find some space to cry, and then when I got back, and I could cry, I couldn't. I loved your ideas to distract from it all, and it really helped me get through it. Thanks so much for the encouragement to call my T too. In the end, I did and it was a good thing. Thanks for your kind words.

yaku ~ I'm sorry you struggle to let yourself cry. I do as well, at different times. But more and more lately, it seems like holding the emotions in and containing them is really hard. Thanks for enouraging me to call my T. Just leaving her a message really helped, and she did call back. You were really right on too that she would be glad I called - she was. Thanks so much for your help and encouragement.


Ninn ~ you gave me some great ideas for how to get through that time, thanks so much for the reminders and ideas! I put on some great music, and then kind of hid from my family in the shower/bath later on... longest bath ever, but it was good and no one seemed to mind.

R2G ~ thank you for the hugs!!!

AG ~ thank you for your support and great input too! I loved your suggestion of letting myself go for 10 minutes and then stopping. I was able to get away for a walk and did that, and it was really hard, but helped tremendously... Just the idea of it being safe to listen to myself helped me get through the plane ride back home without crying so much to cause concern. You are also right that calling my best attachment figure, my most safe and steady one, my T, really felt awfully grounding and containing. I felt so dumb calling her - just my ol' inner critic kicking in. But my T was quite kind and very helpful, and even glad I called. Thank you so much for your encouragement AG, it helped a lot. I grew up being taught none of my feelings were ok, and struggling to hide them all. It was so painful to feel like I was in that same place again as an adult. It is impossible to have no feelings. I am learning it is possible and ok for me to have them, and I can learn and pratice to handle them better and better... and find the safe people and places to let them show.



Thanks again everyone. I'm happy to report I didn't SI while with family and got through the intense stuff ok. I'm back home, and kind of recovering from the trip while facing some hard stuff here at home. The trip to see my family was rather intense, and it seems like everything that has been going on in my life lately has really caught up with me. I'm really struggling not to hide and isolate from life. I so appreciated your support through this. I'm sorry it has taken me awhile to get back to you all... but it is so good to be home and have some space and time to breathe... and feel... and cry...

much hugs and love to you all,
~ jane

((((JANE))))

So glad you are home safe and sound and you survived without resorting to your old coping mechanisms.

much hugs to you,

xoxo

Liese