I'm having trouble telling the difference -- and I'm not sure if you can?

I had a good repair with T1 two sessions ago. This is the T with whom I have fairly significant transference/attachment and who, at this point in my therapy, has tremendous power to regulate my emotions (though he tries not to).

So I've been feeling relatively "better" most days, though I still have self destructive days and times when I'm definitely seeking a "high." (I got a piercing done yesterday on impulse, and apart from the pain -- or because of it? -- it was AWESOME!)

Anyway, so I can't tell if I'm actually getting better and getting some good internal work done, or if I'm just succeeding at riding the highs: repair with T, continued weight loss and control over eating, adrenaline rush from piercing, etc.

And now that I type this out I think I'm realizing that, among other things, I have MORE control over myself than I did, say, a month ago. And I'm damn proud of this self-control. It gives me a sense of security. False security? Maybe -- I don't know.

So since many of you have been through this before, do you have any insights into what might be going on?