Hi Halo,
I have an answer for you but I'm not sure you're going to like it.

The only way to really figure it out is to talk to your T about it and about your feelings for him. It was in talking to my T about my feelings for him which covered a large range: love, anger, longing to be his daughter, erotic desire, wanting to be taken care of, wanting to be held, wanting to run away, being jealous, feeling abandoned, you get my drift. By going to my therapist and being able to discuss the feeling I could look at what they meant and trace them back to where they originated. This has let me slowly tease out (I liken it to trying to untangle a huge knot of yarn) what was from the past, what was from the present and how I could understand why I do what I do and why I feel like I do.

I don't know of anything which makes it any easier. It's difficult scary chaotic work but I can tell you that it leads to healing and its worth it to go through the pain.

AG

Hi AG, I have spent a year telling him all of this. Unfortunately he isn't able to help me with it. We usually end up with him being out of his depth and breaking boundaries and me trying so hard to leave but cannot leave because I am so attached.

I know I have to see my new P because he is going to be able to cope with me and my problems and my t just cannot. I have always been upfront and honest about how I am feeling even when he can't cope with me.

The pain just does not ever go away about him. I analyze every single thing he says and does and look for signs about how he feels about me. I push him and his boundaries and manipulate him to try and get what I want. I tell him I am doing this and that he has to have stronger boundaries and he just says he is flexible and lets me manipulate him to a certain extent. I said the more he breaks his boundaries the more I think I have a chance. He didn't answer.

Hi Halo,
I'm sorry Halo, I forgot that your T was having such trouble holding the boundaries. That's incredibly crucial to working through transference. My T was incredibly compassionate and very emotionally accessible through all this but his boundaries were also very clear and very steady. It was confusing enough working through my feelings with him holding still. I can't imagine being able to do it if he hadn't held still.

I hope the new P can hold still for you so you can work through this. It is possible to do so if you get what you need from your therapist.

AG